Do you want to self-match or maybe have already decided to self-match your adoption but are worried about being scammed?  

In this blog post, I'm sharing the 10 most common red flags that I see in my one-to-one work with my clients and walking with them through their self-matching journey. 

I think it's important for us to all have an open dialogue about what we're seeing because we're a much stronger community when we're all together and working together against a common goal. 

If you'd like to share your experience in what you're seeing in your self-matching journey, maybe in a bit more private space, head on over to the Facebook group. We are always supporting each other in there and sharing the best tips and practices we’re learning in our self-matching journeys as we walk through this together. The group is your private place. I don't allow attorneys or expectant mothers or agencies in there. It's just a place where you can go and learn in a free a judgment-free zone and you can get support anytime you need it.

10 Most Common Flags to Avoid an Adoption Scam

1. Sharing too much information too fast

The first red flag is she’s sharing too many details too fast. If you think about the initial phases of meeting someone in real life, you're not going to be just going all-in and share everything. Instead, you're going to be a little guarded with some details. If they (can me man or woman trying to scam) just turns on like a water spigot and just starts sharing everything, that is a great sign that they have practiced this over and over again, and it's most likely a scam. 

2. Asking you for a ton of information

The second red flag is they ask you about too much information. Again, when it comes to getting to know someone, you’re not going to be sharing everything right off the bat. If they want to get into the nooks and crevices of your life, that’s a huge red flag. 

3. Asks you for money immediately 

If the conversation starts around money and or gets to money quickly, I would very quickly exit the conversation as quickly as possible. If this person keeps pushing on money in particular, then I would use the conversation kind of starter around talking to your adoption attorney. 

You do not want to be in a situation where you're talking anything about support from a financial perspective directly with the expected parent without your attorney in the conversation. 

4. Appears to have no concern about the baby’s best interests

If the expected parent doesn't express concern for the baby's interest and is more focused on their interest, that is a huge red flag. It could be how a person is compartmentalizing their emotions. If you don't have some conversation around the baby's future your version of the baby’s future, then that should raise a red flag with you. 

5. Doesn’t show any interest in what life is like for your family

The fifth red flag is if the expectant parent doesn’t show any interest in what your family is like. They should want to know what she can expect by choosing you and what their baby’s future would be like. 

6. Has a questionable subject line in their email or a questionable name for their social media account

The sixth red flag is what I call a questionable approach. If they randomly send you an email (which they got from a brochure or a website) and they send you an email with a scammy-sounding subject line, that’s a red flag. 

If they send you a direct message on social media and their name looks questionable like maybe too different from a public name, that’s a red flag. 

7. Hasn’t been on social media long, doesn’t have many friends, and is only a member of adoption groups

Look at their social media profile. If they haven’t been on social media long, is only in adoption groups, or only has a few friends that are also in adoption groups, that’s a huge red flag. It might be a fake profile or a scam. 

I always advise my clients to get a Google Voice number and use that on all of their materials where they might list a phone number for text messaging that way you’re not giving out your real phone number. 

Most of the questionable text messages I’ve seen have broken English. 

I'm not saying that you have to have commas and punctuation and all of those types of things in your text messages, but if your text message includes too many typos or too many words that are missing, then that could be a sign that it's either a bot or someone that doesn't have a strong understanding of English language. A lot of these adoption scams do start in other countries. 

8. Due around big holidays

The eighth red flag is if the due date is super close to a major holiday like Thanksgiving, Christmas, or Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, Mother’s Day is a huge holiday for scams. It’s where prospective adoptive families have high emotions because they want a child and are just generally more emotional. 

9. Expecting twins

The ninth red flag is if the expectant mother is expecting twins. 

You will be shocked at the number of scammers that reach out and say that they are due with twins. 

I guess must be just something that they know a lot of hopeful adoptive parents are like I don't want to go through this twice, twins sound great! Why would I go through this twice when I can get two children at one time? 

Just think about it…  twins are incredibly rare, friend. The likelihood that someone has twins that they are placing for adoption is also pretty rare in the overall adoption realm. 

10. Doesn’t want to FaceTime, talk to attorneys, or verify the pregnancy. 

If they aren’t wanting to FaceTime, talk to your adoption attorney, or verify the pregnancy, it’s likely they're trying to scam you. 

You don't want to push for these early on in the conversations. You want your conversations to naturally work up to that. Just know, there’s a right time to introduce the concept of getting on the phone and FaceTiming.

To make things easier for you with these steps, I’ve created a resource called The Ultimate Guide to Self-Matching Your Adoption. 

So let me fully acknowledge that you're going to have to look for the red flags, trust your gut, and as hard as it is, you're also going to have to trust a perfect stranger a little bit and give them a little bit of grace. You have to remember that you are high on emotions because you're excited about the possibility. 

Sometimes friend, as much as I love you, that can cloud your judgment as it can for all of us. 

If I'm so excited for this amazing thing, amazing experience, it's going to happen with our family, that maybe I'm going to have a little clouded judgment as it relates to the timing or other elements of that. It's a bad example, but you get the picture of where I'm trying to go. 

My advice to you is to trust your gut. When you feel like something's off just a little bit, jump into the Facebook group and ask a question. We are there to support you. It is not a competitive group of people trying to match faster than each other. It is a group focused on helping each of us or each of the group members match faster, through support and resources. 

Hi, I Am Amanda

I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey