5 Ways to Survive the Adoption Waiting Period

If you are anything like me waiting is something you have done month after month on your journey to become a mother.  For some reason when we signed up with the adoption agency I thought that waiting would be easier, but I found that not to be the case personally.  I think it was because I no longer had the expiration date each month of my cycle coming to tell me whether or not that was the month that I would become a mother.  I am sure it all came down to control because I finally realized just how much I was not in control of this journey and that was hard for this type A girl.

One of the most common questions I get is “How long will it take to adopt a baby,” to which there is simply no right answer because each situation is different.  For some it will only take a few months to adopt a baby while for others it will take a few years.  While there is no exact formula that will guarantee you will move faster there are some basic tips that can help you move a little faster, more on that in another post.

Let me first acknowledge that there is no magic formula that I can give you to make the waiting time more bearable, that is something that you will have to figure out for yourself.  However, I can share some areas for you to dig into so you can find what works best for you.  I personally had the benefit, if you can call it that, of a horrific infertility journey that had taught me to wait and during that time I had little clues start popping up that helped me that I could transfer to my adoption waiting time.  If you are an Infertility Survivor as well don’t forget to reflect on that time and dig deep into what you naturally did to survive that time and see what ideas you can transfer into your adoption wait time.

The best thing I could have done was found a group of ladies that were walking the same walk, but I didn’t.  It helps so much to have a safe space to vent, cry or scream that really understands what you are walking through.  If you need one, please checkout my free Facebook group. 

Here are 5 things that helped me survive my adoption waiting period

1. Created new challenges for myself that were not motherhood related

2. New adventures

3. Made new routines

4. Curated my social media feeds to what made me feel good

5. Found new ways to change up my mindset 

Created new challenges

If there is one thing a type A planner can do it is to come up with a to do list longer than my arm, which in the beginning of my adoption journey was super easy since you have about 1,000 pounds of paperwork and 1 million steps to check off the list.  So after spending a few months getting live with the adoption agency the emptiness of that to do list made the entire house feel empty.  I spent weeks driving myself crazy thinking about what might happen and when it would happen until I finally decided I needed a new challenge. 

 For me, my weight had always been a challenge and I had just recently had gastric bypass so I became obsessed with working out and fueling my body with the right foods to keep me feeling good.  What I discovered was that when I was physically exhausted I thought about the fact that we were waiting less.  I fully recognize that this was likely not a healthy way to cope but I share this so you can find your own way to challenge yourself.

What is something you have always wanted to do but not found the time to do? Are there other things you want to do to challenge yourself?  Do you want to get out of debt, declutter your home, read a book, run a 5K?  The basic point is to create another goal that you can work on a little bit everyday, something that you can break down into smaller pieces that will take intentional focus to achieve.

New Adventures

Finding a way to physically change my surroundings helped me so much during our adoption waiting period.  While I knew that we did not have the funds to take lavish vacations, since we were saving everything we could to fund the adoption, it was great just to get out of the house and do something different. (If you need more adoption savings ideas make sure to check out the articles on the blog to help you) The basic idea was to explore our community in new and different ways.  It was a great time killer because not only did I spend time planning the adventure but then we also had the adventure itself.  These new adventures were a great way to feel busy and like I was making progress.

Made New Routines

While I was challenging myself in new ways I was making new routines to help streamline the running of our home.  I had done a lot of reading around what it was like to be a new mom and the one thing all of the articles had in common was how overwhelmed they all felt.  While my first reaction was shut up, you are so lucky to have a baby how dare you feel overwhelmed I had to check that emotion and take the lessons from the articles.  This spun off a whole new thing to research and immerse myself into, how to create systems and routines to take some of the overwhelm out of what was to come.

I loved the book by Tonya Dalton The Joy of Missing Out (https://tanyadalton.com/jomo) in which she talks about making automations in her home.  Of course this sounds super complicated and slightly sophisticated but it really all came down to making a routine for how you did everything in your home.  Which hello, type A planner here, this was a fun way to get lost for a while.  Write the system, implement the system, tweak the system.  It was so fun to do and grow with when the kids came home.

Curated My Social Media

While I was diving deep into Tonya’s book I started exploring other like minded areas and discovered the entire world of self development.  Yeah yeah, I know that sounds all hippy dippy but let me tell you this changed my world in so many ways.  I found Rachel Hollis, Mel Robbins, Jen Hatmaker, all the women that I needed to give myself the fire and drive to keep on this journey.

They all had one idea in common, curating your social media or your friend group to empower you and lift you up.  Then I realized that every time I logged on to Facebook or Instagram it was all babies and kids all over the damn place.  That was seriously bumming me out and I had never even thought about it.  Listen I am not saying that those people don’t have a right to share and be happy with their life, but seeing those beautiful moments made me sad for all of the moments we were not going to have with the babies we had lost.  It made me anxious that we would never be picked and would never have those moments too.  

The comparison trap is evil.  Make no bones about it, it does not serve you. This goes for everything from wanting to have a killer body to having material things in life and even to motherhood.  I am not going to lie, this is something that I can easily slip into while just a few short scrolls with an escape into Facebook land.  This idea of not comparing yourself to others is something that Rachel Hollis dives deep into in most of her books, podcasts, and YouTube videos.  If you struggle with this too I highly recommend you check her out.

So to overcome this challenge I just muted people, was selective about when and for how long I could consume social media, only logged in to see certain people’s posts.  Instead I forced myself to plan a new routine, work on my latest challenge, plan a new adventure.  Anything to feel the void of time that social media left behind.  This I think had the greatest impact on my ability to survive the adoption wait time, not obsessing about what I was missing out on. 

Mindset Shifts

For as long as I can remember my Mom has told me that only you can choose how you want to feel each day.  You make the choice to be happy or sad, it is ok to be both but it is up to you.  Listen I know that it is not as simply snapping your fingers and suddenly you are not sad, but I do believe it is possible to habit stack your way to a sense of normalcy and then ultimately to happiness.  I also want to be clear that I am also not talking about the type of sadness that is depression, you cannot simply habit stack your way out of depression.  That requires actual work with a trained professional.

For me it was so much easier to make the choice to be happy if I had other distractions on my plate.  It could be as simple as an automation for running the home that was working perfectly to make my home life run better or as grand as planning a little vacation.  I just leaned into what made me happy and doubled down until I felt the mood shift.

The combination of all of these things and an amazing support system of friends and family is what made it possible for me to keep going each and every day.  This is not an easy journey, but you are so capable of hard things.  Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and don’t give up.

You can do this and I have got your back!

Hi, I Am Amanda

I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey