7 Things To Know Before Adopting A Baby

7 Things To Know Before Adopting A Baby

Are you considering adopting a baby? If so, you might be unsure how to get started and are curious about what you need to know to get started. Well, that is precisely what I am sharing with you in today’s blog, the 7 things you need to know before adopting a baby. These are the things that both myself and my clients say we wish we had known before we started the adoption process, and today I am sharing them with you! Let’s dive right in.

Be Emotionally Prepared

Being emotionally prepared before you go into the adoption process is really critical. The adoption process is tough. It's emotionally draining. It's hard, even on its good days. Being emotionally prepared breaks into two sub-steps. The first is if you had any sort of infertility journey or another journey that led you to adoption being your choice of how you're going to form your family, you need to do the emotional work to unpack that and help you deal with it. If you're starting the adoption journey, and you're a little raw, a little frazzled, then the adoption journey, quite frankly, is going to be even more difficult. I'm speaking from personal experience. We had an infertility journey that led to adoption being the way that we formed our family. I will tell you that the initial stages of choosing which path of adoption was right for us were so emotionally draining. Looking back now, I can see it was emotionally draining because I was grieving the loss of my fertility, and I wasn't quite sure that this was the right way for us to adopt. I always had a calling that I was meant to be a mother that was just in my soul from the time I was little, but I never knew the road and the path that was that it was going to take to get to achieve my dreams. Being emotionally prepared is doing the hard work with yourself, with your therapist with your counselor, whatever it looks like, just pick the right option for you to deal with any kind of emotional baggage you have coming into the process. 

The next step of being emotionally prepared for what's coming ahead is reading and learning from others who have gone ahead of you on the adoption journey so that you know what to expect. My YouTube and my podcasts are full of stories. I encourage you to go back and check out some of those stories. I encourage you to post in Facebook groups like the My Adoption Coach Facebook group to ask those tough questions. That's the entire reason why the Facebook group exists, by the way, is that it's your safe space away from expected families, from attorneys from agencies, so that nobody can judge you. I have zero tolerance for judgment in the group and judgy comments because you deserve a safe space to process emotions and really be prepared for the journey ahead.

What Are You Equipped To Handle?

The second step of what you need in order to be prepared as you move into adopting a baby is you need to know what you are equipped to handle and to properly parent. Now, I'm not even going to get into the different types of adoption inside this episode; I'll make you another blog post about that, but understanding the different types of adoption can also help you understand what you might need to be equipped to handle. Let me just give you a couple of examples just to make sure this really lands and hits home with you. 

If you are matching your adoption through foster care, and foster care is the route that you feel called to adopt from, then there is likely some trauma, depending upon the age of the child that will impact the level and the amount of trauma that could exist with a child. You need to make sure before you decide to adopt from foster care that you feel equipped to handle any trauma that might have happened and really provide the most constructive environment for this child to grow up in. 

Another thing that you might need to be prepared to handle or equipped with could be things like drug exposure. If you're privately adopting a newborn, it could be things like physical or mental abilities or capabilities that are different than others. And notice, I didn't say disabilities because I don't believe people are disabled; I think they're differently able. But there are different nuances there that you need to make sure that you're equipped to handle. So do some initial research on what you feel is appropriate for you and the way that you parent, and quite honestly, your lifestyle. You don't want to take on a special needs child if you have a job that's not going to allow you the flexibility to provide the care that this child needs. 

Those are the different things that you need to think about. If you need different resources to check out, I would highly suggest that you go check out the Adoption Doc LLC over on Instagram. Her name is Sarah, and she's actually a pediatrician who is an adoptive mom. She shares a lot of resources with her audience as it relates to what type of different skills you need to have to be prepared if you're going to parent a child that has different needs. 

What Do You See As Your Life With This Child?

In this step, you want to make sure that you are crystal clear on what you see your life like with this child. Now, I'm going to talk about something that some of my audience sometimes tells me feels a little woo-woo, but I believe in the power of manifestation. I believe that if you intentionally write out and think about what your life is going to be like at the end of this journey, it becomes a North Star of where you're headed. And that helps God the universe, whatever it is that you believe in, help make you see kind of those doors as they open as you go through this journey. 

One of the exercises that I encourage you to do is to sit down with a blank piece of paper and a pencil and let your brain and your heart really just flow out onto the paper what you see life like with this child. This is also an excellent primer exercise for when we work together on your adoption profile because it makes it so much easier to tell the story of your family when you start to get clear on this upfront. When you have a clearer picture of what you see as your life with this child, then it makes it so much easier for you to begin to select and deselect into all of the choices that are ahead of you in the adoption journey.

What Level Of Comfort Do You Have For Contact Post-Placement?

The fourth thing that you need to know when you are adopting a baby is to be really clear on what you see in the post-placement period of adoption for your family and for the birth family. After the baby is placed with you, and you are legally their parent, you're into what's called the post-placement phase of adoption, which means you're parenting the child. During this time, you want to make sure that you are clear on what you are comfortable with as the level of contact with the expectant family or the birth family. What level of communication do you have with them after they've placed? Do you want a fully open adoption? Do you want an adoption where you're having pictures and videos and letters, maybe visits? You need to consider what it is that makes you comfortable and that you also feel is a good benefit for this child when they are placed with you. I would highly encourage you to do some research on the benefits of open adoption, semi-open adoption, and closed adoption. Those are primarily the three different levels of contact that people have. But everyone kind of defines those levels slightly differently. Just do your research and then decide what you're comfortable with. Because if you're not comfortable with it, it will be a point of friction in your adoption journey. It's also going to be potentially a point of friction between you and your adopted child. So you don't want that. So upfront, you want to think through these details. 

Be Financially Prepared

Before you adopt a baby, you want to be financially prepared, right? Yeah. Let's just take a deep breath. I know that finances in adoption can be a dirty word. It's an awful subject. And honestly, it is just one of those stumbling blocks in the adoption journey. So take a big deep breath.

When we talk about finances and adoption, what is important to know is that each different type of adoption has a different price tag that comes along with it. I hate to be that crass about it, but that is how it works. You need to have a real clear picture again of what you can make work for your family. The last thing that you want to do is to create a big rural stress point around your adoption journey because of finances. So the biggest thing that I would recommend that you do, again, grab that getting started guide and walk through kind of the financial planning aspect of it so that you can really understand what you need to budget for, where you are, and if you truly ready to start your adoption journey. 

Have a Support System of Friends and Family 

The very last thing that you need to know before you adopt a baby is that you will need support. You're going to need support and a couple of different ways. You're going to need friends and family that are there to support you. You're going to need a Facebook community like the My Adoption Coach Facebook community that is there to support you and answer your questions in a nonjudgmental way.

Get the Right Professionals to Support You

You'll also need adoption professionals to help you through your journey. Now that will dramatically vary based upon what your level of comfort and as it relates to the different types of matching. You also need adoption professionals that are there to support you and guide you through the process so that you remain legal and you're not wasting your time and money.

Well, there you have it, friend, the 7 things you need to know before adopting a baby. I trust that today’s blog has been very helpful for you. Remember, anything is possible with the right plan and support, and I am only a Facebook message away! 

Hi, I Am Amanda

I am an adoption profile expert on a mission to help you create and share your family's story more affordably!