7 Ways To Adopt A Baby Through Private Domestic Adoption
The first step you need to do at the beginning of the adoption process is to understand the different types of adoption.
After reading this post, you’ll be able to figure out what type of adoption is right for you.
I have a step-by-step process for you to make this critical step even easier.
First, we’ll discuss the seven main types of adoption. Then we'll walk through an exercise that will help you determine which path is right for your family.
Don't worry about having to write everything down, because I made you an amazing free resource that is available HERE or by clicking the sign-up button below.
There are two steps to the process of determining which adoption path is right for you.
1. Have a foundational understanding of the seven types of domestic adoption
2. Vision Casting
7 Types of a Domestic Adoption:
1. Foster care adoption
Foster care technically means that a child is not eligible for adoption, but it really means they’re in the foster care process or system.
And the goal of that system is reunification is to get those children back with their biological parents or a biological relative.
In the case that that's not an option in that particular situation, the child will become eligible for adoption.
In order to adopt from foster care, most states require that you are foster parents.
Most cases of adoptive children from foster care are from parents that have been fostering them throughout the entire process. The goal is to have less disruption to the child because that is overall what is best for their well-being.
Outside of the cost of creating a home suitable for foster care and all of those types of things, the actual fees to foster and or to finalize an adoption, post foster care really range from free to about $5,000 for the court fees for the attorney fees, things of that nature, from a wait time perspective, it is very dependent upon each individual state.
According to AdoptiveFamilies.com, about 64% of children, once they're eligible for adoption, in the foster care system are adopted within a year and about 76% are adopted within two years.
This does not take into account any wait times of becoming an eligible family, or things of that nature. It's just the finalization of the adoption itself from a contact perspective.
During the fostering process (where reunification is the number one goal), the court mandates and requires communication with the biological family, social workers, doctors, therapists, (all types of specialized services), to help this child through the process that they're in after the finalization of the adoption.
It does vary more times than not, but it is very little to no contact.
That is something that is individual case by case.
It's hard to give a hard and fast rule on that particularly with contact levels.
Related Post: How to Adopt from Foster Care
2. Adopting from a relative
Adoption from a relative is very rare. This is not something that you would probably actively pursue right as a type of adoption.
It does happen from time to time. Adopting from a relative is just that it is just a way to keep a child out of the foster care system.
You become their legal guardian and then ultimately adopt them in hopes that they don't have to go through the foster care system to be adopted.
The cost for this is about $5,000 (maybe less), depending upon the attorney.
You're basically just filling out the home study application, going through the process, and then completing the required legal forms by the courts in your state.
The wait time depends on the revocation period in your state.
Revocation is the period of time that a birth family has to change its mind in the adoption process, which varies dramatically by state.
If you're looking for information on this, Google really is your best friend, you can just google adoption laws in your state, and you'll get a general sense of the requirements in your particular state.
This is a highly unusual type of adoption.
There's not a hard and fast rule here. So, I would just say it's what you agree is the best way to think about contact when you're thinking about adopting from a relative.
3. Embryo adoption
Embryo adoption is really unusual in the sense that you’re adopting genetic material, but yet you are carrying the child to birth or potentially you're leveraging a surrogate to help carry the child to birth.
If this is an option that you are interested in, I would definitely do more research beyond just this blog post.
I would look into EmbryoAdoption.org. They have a wealth of knowledge there for you to leverage as you go through your learning process.
In an embryo adoption, you are adopting embryos that were “leftover” by families that have completed forming their family.
I hate to use the word leftover because it makes them sound like they're forgotten. But I mean, the cold reality of it is that sometimes families have more embryos than they desire to have children or than they feel equipped to parent.
Instead of destroying that genetic material, they choose to place it for adoption.
2 main paths for embryo adoption:
1. You work with your individual infertility clinic
This isn’t something that all clinics offer. Sometimes clinics do choose to help other families that are suffering from infertility through the process through this manner.
In our particular case, with our infertility clinic, they told us the wait time was four years, and they were actually pretty dead on because we got the call that we had been chosen right as we were adopting our son.
It’s definitely an option.
2. You work with an embryo adoption agency with your infertility clinic
An embryo adoption agency is very similar to a private adoption agency, where you're adopting a newborn, an actually child that is born.
They’re going to have similar requirements as it relates to passing the home study background checks, potentially even contact after birth, that is really dependent upon each individual situation of what the biological family wants.
They're also going to require you to do some pretty advanced medical testing if you need it.
They want to ensure that the embryos are going to go to a suitable host that you will actually be able to carry the embryo to term because the intention behind adopting an embryo is a live birth.
They want to ensure that you can be successful in doing that.
So they're going to require you to do a mock transfer to do a mock cycle to make sure that everything is progressing nicely, that your lining is getting thick enough, and that with a scratch test of the lining that they feel like it will be suitable for implementation.
They're going to require your doctor to share all of that information back with them so that they can feel comfortable that you're a viable candidate. So officially when it comes to contact, it's going to vary based upon the biological family's wishes.
You can choose what type of context you're comfortable with and then only be presented to families that meet that type of contact.
If you're interested in this option, I would definitely recommend that you reach out to one of these companies:
Snowflake Adoptions (AKA Angel Adoptions)
They are really great sources for you to continue to learn more about embryo adoption.
Related Post: How to Adopt Donor Embryos
4. Private matching with an attorney
Private matching with an attorney seems similar to self matching.
Private matching with an attorney means an attorney has a pool or a list of expectant mothers that they are pairing with hopeful adoptive families.
The attorney is doing the legwork and finding the families in this option rather than you finding the expectant mother, which is the main difference between this and self matching.
When an attorney is finding an expectant mother, really, their goal is to find a great fit for both parties because most times they are representing or they have a partnership with someone who is representing the expectant mother.
According to AdoptiveFamilies.com, the average price for adopting and this particular method is about $35,000.
About 60% of families will be matched within that year.
From a contact perspective, this is again going to be highly dependent upon your individual situation, as you will find with most adoption types or adoption options.
In most cases these days, an adoptive family tends to want some sort of contact, and so does the expected family. So it's really important that you're super clear on what you're open to so that you can ensure you find the right fit from the beginning.
Related Post: How to Adopt a Baby with a Private Attorney
5. Matching via consultant
Matching via consultant is when an adoption consultant basically represents your family to a bunch of different adoption agencies.
They're going to work with an average of 10 to 15 (maybe even more) adoption agencies. They will share your profile and requirements to see if they have a match that would be good for you.
The criteria that they're going to share with adoption agencies are:
What you're looking for in an adoption opportunity
Your Budget To Match
Contact Preferences Before and After Birth
What you feel equipped to parent as it relates to exposure of drugs, etc
Race
Gender
They will use these to determine if you're the right fit on the surface level. Once you meet an expectant family through email, text, zoom, or even in person, you're going to get a better idea if you're really a right fit.
The consultant's job is really twofold:
Represent you to a large number of adoption agencies so that you can move a bit faster
To facilitate those initial conversations and ultimately get you matched into a successful adoption from a cost perspective.
An adoption consultant is different from an agency because they get a matching fee. That matching fee (varies depending upon the agency or consultant) it's going to run anywhere from $5,000 to $15,000.
The two most common types of fee structures for this service:
Pay them per viewing (or per initial conversation)
Or after you've had a successful placement
It's super important that you're really clear on the fee structure with that particular adoption consultant.
Whenever you're having that initial conversation, the wait time with a consultant does vary. It's not really something that's widely reported on.
Some of my clients have matched as quickly as three months and then others have been closer to the average wait time for an adoption agency which is about a year.
Your wait time can be even longer if you’re more restrictive on topics such as specific about gender, race, or exposure levels.
Being selective obviously dramatically impacts your wait time.
The fees will be either based upon exposure, or the number of times your family has shown, or a successful match.
From a contact perspective, it really comes back to what the agency you're working with requires and what the expected family wants to know how your contact will run.
The other really important thing to think about with consultants is that you're also paying the fees for the adoption agency. You may pay the consultant $5,000- 15,000 for the match.
Then the adoption agency that they match you with may also have setup fees, as well as fees that are specific to that individual adoption opportunity.
So on the expense scale for adoption, an adoption consultant is definitely one of the more expensive options, but you tend to match faster this way.
Sometimes it is worth it depending upon what are your motivators and criteria for your adoption journey.
6. Matching ViA an Agency
Using a Matching via an Agency is the most common type of adoption that most people know about.
Most people get turned off by the idea of an agency because they automatically assume that it is super expensive.
So adoption with a private agency means that you are matching with an agent who is advertising their agency to expectant mothers to find potential matches for hopeful adoptive families. The average cost for a private domestic adoption via an agency is about $41,000 according to AdoptiveFamilies.com.
If you remember matching with an attorney private matching with an attorney was about $35,000.
According to AdoptiveFamilies.com the wait times for a Matching VNA Agency run about a year for about 60% of their families.
Another 20% of those families will be placed within two years.
This dramatically depends upon the exposure levels that your family is getting to expectant families.
This means that different types of agents or adoption agencies will share your profile in one of two ways.
First come first serve basis
If you meet the criteria first basis
They will still then only show your profile (depending upon where you are) but you have to meet the criteria for that particular adoption.
So, contact really again varies based upon what you know the expected family wants.
Most adoption agencies now are requiring what they call semi-open adoptions. This means that you're willing to communicate through the agency and for pictures, letters, videos, things of that nature.
Some agencies have even kind of changed the meaning of semi-open to mean that you are actually in communication directly with the birth family in some fashion.
A lot of hopeful adoptive families choose the fashion of like a Google Voice number or a Gmail account that is, you know, something generic, like Sarah and John Adopt.
This is a highly individual choice that only you can make that you need to know what you're comfortable with so that you don't end up in a situation where you don't feel like you're equipped to the parent or you don't feel comfortable with having conversations with the birth family.
You're required to so just be really clear on what's best for you and your family.
Related Post: How to Adopt a Baby with a Private Agency
7. Self matching your adoption
Self-matching is pretty similar to matching privately with an attorney, except you are the one finding the expectant mother.
Finding the expectant mother is a whole other journey.
Finding an expectant mother is pretty difficult just to be totally frank and that really impacts the wait times that you see with this option for adoption.
Again, this is not something that is widely reported on.
I can share the experience of my clients and friends who have done this. I've seen some move as fast as a month and then I have other clients that have been waiting for a couple of years.
For those clients that have been waiting for a couple of years, the number one recommendation I have for them when we first meet each other is to focus on their adoption profile.
If you've been waiting for a few years in the adoption process then your profile is where you've got to start digging in.
Your profile is the reason why you will get matched or not.
Self matching is you're finding your own expectant mother through social media, typically.
Sometimes you're going to find them in person, which is totally random, but it's totally possible.
Based on my experience, the average cost is about $20,000.
To recap, private matching with an attorney is $35,000, and matching via an agency is about $41,000.
Self-matching is similar to the others.
It's all about what you're comfortable with.
Because you did initiate a conversation directly one to one, in the beginning, I do find that most of the adoptive families I work with, that have self matched their adoption, have a greater level of contact after finalization than those people that might have adopted via an agency.
Again, there's no black and white and adoption, other than if it’s finalized or not.
It is highly dependent upon each individual situation.
Related Post: How to Self Match Your Adoption
The second big step in determining your adoption path is vision casting.
This may not be something that's for everyone, and it may seem a little woo-woo, but let me tell you, it's really important that you choose the right path for your particular adoption journey.
In order to do that, you need to clearly visualize what you want life to be like at the end of this journey.
It is incredibly difficult to end up where you intend if you don't have a clear picture of where you're headed.
The free workbook is going to walk you through this step by step.
To get started with vision casing, I'd like for you to close your eyes.
Close your eyes and visualize what life is like at the end of this journey.
Get really vivid with your detail here.
How do you feel?
Are you happy?
Are you excited?
What's your day like?
What do you do as a family?
What do you share with this child about their adoption?
How involved are their first families and their daily lives?
Next, I want you to write this out.
Set a timer for 30 minutes and write everything that is in your heart, remembering that there's no right or wrong answer. No one can see what you're writing.
If you have a partner, it is important that they do this work too and that the two of you compare your thoughts together so that you can begin to narrow down the list of adoption options that are right for you.
You want to get that list down to about two to three different options that you want to investigate more about keeping in mind the areas that we covered earlier as it relates to wait times, contact, after birth, and cost.
Don’t rule out an option based upon cost alone.
If you think something might be doable, go for it, put together a plan, get some sort of help and figure it out. This isn't about figuring out everything.
It's just about getting started. And I hope you've done just that.
With this blog post, you've gotten a foundational understanding of the seven types of adoption and learned how to take your vision of life at the end of this journey to determine what option is right for your family.
I hope you now feel confident that you have the framework to help you decide what type of adoption is right for your family. And if you haven't grabbed that free guide, head on over HERE to get your copy.
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Adoption is hard, but it doesn't have to be I'm always here to answer your questions and give you the step-by-step process and support you need on your adoption journey.
Anything's possible with the right plan and support you can do it and I've totally got your back.
Hi, I Am Amanda
I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey