Adoption Law in New Jersey

Did you know that there is another type of agency-assisted adoption called identified adoption? And that is something you could do in the state of New Jersey if you're self-matched. This is according to my conversation with Jeanne Cavalier. She is an adoption attorney in the state of New Jersey. And in today's conversation, Jean not only gives us an overview of the adoption law in the state of New Jersey, as well as the step-by-step process if you live in New Jersey or not and want to adopt from there, but she also talks about the different types of adoption that are allowed and identifies adoption as one of those. 

Amanda: Before we dive into our conversation with Jean, I just want to give the disclaimer that, as with all of these adoption law series, this conversation with Jean is not creating an attorney-client relationship and is simply for informational purposes only. If you have additional questions about adoption law in the state of New Jersey, I highly suggest that you scroll on down to the show notes, click on her website, and reach out to Jean so that you can ask those questions directly to her. But without further ado, let's dive into my conversation with Jean. Thank you so much for being willing to join us on the show today.

Jean: Thank you so much for inviting me to be on the show. I appreciate it.

Amanda: Oh, you're welcome. We are super excited to learn more about adoption law in the state of New Jersey. Do you mind if we just start with an overview of the adoption wall?

Understanding Adoption in New Jersey: Processes for Birth Mothers and Fathers Explained

Jean: Sure. New Jersey permits both agency and non-agency, or private, adoptions. They also permit advertising, which I know is something your audience would like to know. As you know, not all states permit private adoptions. There are a handful of states, like Massachusetts and some others, that do not permit private adoptions, and therefore you have to use an agency, but that is not the case in New Jersey. If the child is relinquished to an adoption agency, New Jersey requires that the adoption agency be non-profit. So all the agencies in New Jersey are nonprofit, but there are agencies in other states that are not. So they are for-profit agencies. They may be terrific agencies, but New Jersey residents cannot utilize their services. There are also other entities, such as attorneys, and other types of organizations. They act as what we call "facilitators." New Jersey does not permit the use of paid facilitators. It does permit an intermediary, which is anyone other than a nonprofit adoption agency, to assist in matching birth parents and adoptive parents. So I'm an intermediary, or my hairdressers are intermediaries. We're all intermediaries. We can if we know about their birth and adoptive parents and want to bring them together. We simply can't charge a fee for it. And I don't mind that because my favorite thing to do is to be able to assist in matching. So it does limit options for New Jersey residents because, as I said, there are many terrific adoption professionals in other states that are not nonprofit and that charge for matching that New Jersey residents cannot utilize. And some agencies will also find that they cannot do some nationwide marketing for their clients because they are restricted in the fees that they can charge. So you'll find that too if you start searching around. In terms of the laws governing adoptions, the laws are different if it's an agency adoption versus a private placement adoption. Now, an agency adoption means legally that the child is relinquished to the legal custody or guardianship of the agency for an adoptive placement by the agency. A private placement adoption means that the child is relinquished by the birth parent directly to the adoptive couple, and then, following the legal process governing private placement adoptions, there's no intermediary agency that's making the placement and providing guardianship for that child until the adoption is finalized. So that takes a minimum of six months in New Jersey. For any adoption agency, adoptions can be finalized somewhat sooner; they can be finalized as early as six months. Private adoptions take really about 10 to 12 months because it's just a longer process legally. But significantly, what your audience is interested in is the termination of parental rights. And really, at what point is their adoption secure and the birth mother cannot reclaim her child? In an agency adoption, the laws state that the agency must provide a certain kind of counseling, called adoption options counseling, to a birth mother prior to taking her surrender of parental rights. Adoption option counseling means what are her other options other than placement of the child for adoption? Can she place the child with relatives in temporary foster care with the hope of being reunited? Is there a state assistance program available to her to enable her to support her child and financially be able to support the child as well? So those are some of the options that they go over. And obviously, you know, you want your birth mother to receive that kind of counseling so that she's not thinking about it after she delivers for the first time, and I couldn't place the child with my aunt. and I never thought about that. So you want that counseling to occur. And the law does state that it should be provided to her on three separate days prior to the execution of her surrender, or, more accurately, offered to her. In some cases, the birth mother might, you know, waive a session or two that typically they receive, and they may say, “Well, I don't need any more counseling; I'm willing to wait for the third.” But it must be awkward. Once that counseling is offered, the agency can accept the birth mother's surrender, but they must wait a minimum of 72 hours after the child's birth to do so; otherwise, the surrender of parental rights is not valid. Are you really counting the minutes? So if you're taking it on the third day, 72 hours, you've got to make sure that it's 72 hours after the time that the child was born is recorded on the child's birth certificate, where the surrender will not be valid. The good news is that that's a relatively short time frame. I know some states have 24-hour surrenders; others have 48-hour surrenders. But some do too, which isn't too bad. No, there's no revocation period. So besides, it's valid and binding; she cannot seek the return of the child, unless in those rare cases, and it is rare that a birth mother claims fraud, duress, or misrepresentation on the part of the agency taking the surrender. Those are rare; they have happened, but they are not normally successful. There are things we, as adoption attorneys, like to see happen, and surrender signings minimize those risks. We like to see the birth mother represented by her own counsel during the surrender, so that there's no claim that she didn't understand what she was signing, the attorney can ensure that she was offered proper counseling, etc. 

The attorney sitting right there can help ensure that there's no duress on the part of the agency. And many attorneys like myself really advocate for videotape surrenders. With birth and the mother's permission, you know, it's for her protection as well as having these surrenders videotaped, and then there's really no issue with respect to fraud, duress, and misrepresentation if you have the video surrender. So that is the law governing agency surrenders in terms of the time period in which a birth mother can execute a valid surrender, some of the requirements, and the fact that there's no replication period. In a private placement adoption, the law is different. So in a private placement adoption, typically, the birth mother will sign what we call an extra-judicial consent, which means outside of a courtroom and of course, generic. So she signs her consent to adopt really at any time. It is non-binding with respect to the surrender, meaning that she indicates that she's placing the baby; this is her intention; she understands that the court can terminate her rights in the future; and she'll receive notice of the adoption. But if she wants to reclaim the child, she can, and her rights are not terminated until two to three months after the adoption petition is filed. And it is 45 days after the placement, and then a court hearing is held for three months thereafter. And she receives notice of that hearing and the opportunity to object; if she doesn't object, the court will terminate her rights. Now the problem with that is that it is a very long time for adoptive parents to have a child in their home at risk that the birth mother can reclaim the child. So there are a couple of mechanisms that will be utilized all the time to avoid that scenario. The first is called a judicial surrender. I just said extrajudicial. This is a judicial surrender. The birth mother's attorney will make an application to the court to hear the birth mother's surrender. The birth mother will then appear in court with her attorney. The court needs to make certain findings as to the voluntariness of the surrender, as to whether or not she understands the termination of her parental rights and the end of her relationship with the child, etc. And then she will receive no further notification; should not the adoption proceedings resume if the surrender is accepted by the court? If the court and the court will also question her, "Did you receive proper counseling?" Are you satisfied with the counsel and all of that? So it's a very, very tight surrender. Once that surrender is executed, the judge will enter an order terminating her parental rights, and she will not be able to change your mind. And that takes about a week or so after the birth, so it's a little bit longer in general than an agency surrender. And if the courts were backed up, it could take a little longer.

So the second mechanism is one that's utilized most frequently. And that is called an "identified agency surrender." That means that the birth and adoptive parents met or were matched outside of an agency; the agency did not provide the matching services. But then they bring an agency in to take the birth mother's surrender of parental rights and provide all the same services that they would provide to both the birth mother and the adoptive families if they had matched her, and the laws governing agency adoptions will follow, so it becomes an agency adoption. That means that now we can accept the birth mother's surrender after 72 hours or as soon as 72 hours after the birth, just like in any other agency adoption. So it provides that extra level of security. And the fees in New Jersey for an identified agency adoption are much lower than the placement fees if the agency were doing matching. So it is an affordable option, although it typically costs a little more than a judicial surrender. But a judicial surrender does mean that those attorneys are spending more time, so you're paying them more fees. So for the little extra cost that it might entail, having to bring an agency in and handle it as an identified agency surrender is really a very good option. And it's also less stressful for the birth mother; she's sitting down with the social worker; she's not appearing before the judge, which, you know, I've been to those; it's emotional in any case, but at least when we have an agency social worker sitting with you, that's someone that you have a rapport with and some relationship with because she's provided counseling, in most cases, not every case; sometimes they're last-minute placements. But that is a lot less stressful for the birth mother. So many adoptions are handled that way in New Jersey. And many times, it's the agency that conducted the home study that will be brought in; it doesn't have to be, but that's typically, you know, many times what is done. The other aspect that we didn't discuss with a bunch of things was birth fathers, because there's a lot I could say about them. But the first thing to say is that, obviously, if a birth father is involved in the placement, he can surrender in the same ways that a birth mother can. So you can execute an agency surrender and an agency placement; you can execute a judicial surrender and a private adoptive placement. In addition to that, if he says I'm not the dad, he can sign a denial of paternity. And the good thing about that is that it operates exactly the same way as an irrevocable surrender. So once he just signs an affidavit saying, "I'm not the dad, and I know this constitutes a termination of my parental rights," He's done, you know, so don't worry about objecting to the adoption, and that is utilized in many cases. An example would be the birth mother stating that the birth father is not her husband; her husband will execute an affidavit denying paternity because, in law, he is considered to be presumed to be the father. Yeah, so unless we can rebut that presumption or unless he denies his paternity, he's involved. So, that's a typical way that it's used, and also, a birth mother might name a few men who could potentially be the birth father, and then one or several of them might want to deny their paternity. So that's another mechanism. There's another mechanism that we use if the birth father is not affirmatively willing to execute a consent or surrender to the adoption; this is called a notice of intention to place the baby for adoption. So even before the placement is made, even before the baby's born, you can send this notice to the birth father. And the notice basically says the birth mother intends to make an adoption plan. And the adoption petition will be filed in this particular county. And if you have any objections to the adoption, you need to file them in this county within 20 days of receipt of the notice if you live in New Jersey. 35 days if you don't, and if you don't object within that time frame, you will not receive any further notification of the adoption proceedings, and then your rights will be terminated. So what that does is weed out the people that you know who might potentially object because they really have to put their money where their mouth is if they're receiving a notice. So that is a very useful mechanism and one that we use. And we typically use a process server to serve that, to ensure that there's no issue with respect to the notice. Sometimes, if somebody's cooperating, they don't want to sign a consent. They're willing to be with the social worker, and they executed a notarized acknowledgment that they received it. and that's another technique. But in any case, that is something that we utilize. And then, when the adoption petition is filed, we present that evidence to the judge, showing that he received that notice, the court did not receive an objection, and they will simply terminate his rights at the hearing. So the other issue with one of the other issues with birth fathers is that they're not always known, as you know. And some states have a putative father registry. So an unknown birth father must register within a specified amount of time in order to preserve his right to contest the adoption; we don't have that mechanism. But what we do, and what our law does state, is that if at birth the father's identity is unknown, he must take certain specified actions within certain timeframes in order to preserve his right to contest the adoption. And specifically in New Jersey, the timeframe is 120 days after the child's birth or before the date of the preliminary adoption hearing, whichever comes sooner. Now, the pre-adoption hearing is going to probably take three to four months when you have an unknown birth father situation. So it's not going to be that different from the four months, although it could be a little bit earlier. And in some cases, the judge will want to see evidence that the birth father's name is not on the birth certificate. Because that is one of the actions he must take, you must amend the birth certificate and get his name on it within the timeframe. So the judge will want to see that that didn't happen. The other action he can take under the law is to file a paternity action. And the birth mother would receive notice of that if he filed the paternity action. So if he hasn't done either of those two things and then files the certificate or files the paternity action within 120 days of the birth or before the date of the preliminary hearing, whichever is sooner, the court will terminate the rights of the unknown father. And of course, it's, you know, whoever he happens to be. He's an unknown father, but he's terminated, whoever the birth father is. Yeah. So even if you have a named birth father, it's a good idea to terminate an unknown in case it's not that named father. Yes, yeah. So that's how we deal with unknown birth fathers, and under New Jersey laws, this is also important. A birth mother has the legal right to refuse to name the birth father. So some birth mothers are simply unable to name the birth father, but some refuse. And there are some really, really good reasons to refuse, such as an abusive birth father. But we always want to try and weed out what her reasons are; she doesn't have to tell us, but for the security of the adoption plan that she's making, we would want to know, "Why is it that you're refusing to name the birth father?" Is it likely that he knows about the pregnancy and adoption plan? If he doesn't know about it, are you likely to find out? Do you have mutual friends? Do you know? So you try to get rid of all of those things. And of course, you're reliant on her honesty with respect to those answers. But you know, we do try and get those answers from the birth mother; it's very, very important because one of the ways that adoptions disrupt is by having someone who wasn't involved at birth, whose parents weren't involved, come forward. So we really, really think they have very important rights, and New Jersey is one of those states. There are some states that are tougher on birth fathers, but in New Jersey, they get their day in court. So you really have to be very careful that if you do have a new birth father, or if any birth father has, especially those who have supported the birth mother, you really need to contact that birth father and provide them with proper legal notice that the adoption is proceeding so that you don't have a child in your home and have the adoption disrupted later on. So that's my overview in terms of birth fathers. Unless you have any other questions, the next thing I think is important is talking a little bit about expenses.

Amanda: Awesome. Yes, that would be great. 

Adoption Costs in New Jersey: What Hopeful Adoptive Parents Should Know

Jean: Adoptive parents always want to know, "How much does this cost me?" And what are the elements of cost? Right. So one of the big questions is, "Does New Jersey allow the payment of birth parent living expenses?" And the answer is a resounding yes. And I say resounding because New Jersey is very liberal, which has its pluses and its minuses. The law states that you can support a birth mother during the entire period of her pregnancy and for three months thereafter. That is a long time. And that doesn't mean that in most cases, you're supporting a birth mother for 10 months; that could conceivably happen. And there are no longer periods of support in some cases than others. But typically, you're supporting a birth mother from the time that you are matched with that birth mother forward, you know, through the first 30 days after the birth of the child. And of course, the 30 days depend on whether or not she places an order; if she doesn't, there is obviously no payment for 30 days. Now, the types of support that are legally allowable are reasonable and necessary pregnancy-related living expenses, which again is a very broad category: rent, utilities, transportation, clothing, groceries, a cell phone, etc. All of those things are permitted, as long as they're reasonable and necessary. New Jersey is very strict about receipts, I have to tell you that. So they want to make sure that these expenses are legitimate. That means that even if I provide a birth mother with a grocery cart to shop, I ask her to take a picture of the receipt on her cell phone and send it to me because we want to make sure that the money is going to its intended purpose and cannot pay the provider of services wherever possible. So, you know, we may be paying her landlord; we may be paying the utility bill directly; you know, those are all ways of ensuring that the monies are going to their intended purpose. So, let me say that living expenses, you know, can be paid in New Jersey. And, you know, sometimes you get birth mothers who understand that New Jersey is liberal, and they will choose a family from New Jersey because they can get more of their expenses paid. So that's why I say it's a plus and a minus. The other very significant part that I have to mention is that these expenses are not reimbursable. As a matter of law, if the adoption disrupts the birth, adoptive parents have to sign a statement acknowledging that they understand that. Parents also have to sign a statement acknowledging that they understand that. So it is a risk, especially if you're supporting a birth mother from, you know, her first trimester on. That can be very, very risky. 

Amanda: If you are paying those expenses on behalf of the hopeful adoptive family or their laws, does the specified amount need to come from your account? 

Jean: Great  question. No, the adoptive parents are never paying those directly. That is either paid out of an attorney escrow account or out of an agency escrow account, depending on the case. But that's a very, very good question. I always tell my clients, "Please don't pay a cent." As raised, discuss what is legal. So we don't want you to get into trouble here. So. So the other elements of costs are, of course, your attorney's fees. But it's not just your attorney; it's her attorney. Right. And if the birth father has an attorney, which is not true in every case, but if he does and he's consenting, you know, obviously not if he's not consenting, but if he's consenting as well, you are paying counseling fees. In an agency adoption, the counseling fees are always part of the agency fee, so they're not separate. In a non-agency or private adoption, the counseling fees are a separate element of cost. And in New Jersey, particularly under New Jersey law, counseling and a private placement adoption must be offered to a birth parent through an adoption agency. So you cannot just grab a counselor, who could be very knowledgeable in adoption. But if she's not working under the umbrella of a licensed adoption agency, you can't use her. You must bring in an agency that does raise the cost a little bit, because many times you might find a more reasonable cost privately, but you really need to use an agency to satisfy that legal requirement. So if you find a birth mother, and if you find a birth mother on your own, you know that she always must be offered counseling. And as she does so, whether she receives it or waives it, it must be set forth in a notarized document and presented to the court. Counseling attorney fees, living expenses, medical expenses—as you know, the adopting parents always paid for the birth and the mother's pregnancy-related medical expenses—anything related to the pregnancy and birth of the child that is not covered by Medicaid or other insurance is the responsibility of the adoptive parents, and most of the birth mothers, you know, get on Medicaid or have private insurance. So, but there can be copays; there can be, you know, other expenses that are not covered and would be the responsibility of the adoptive parents. So, I think I covered all of the elements of cost; did I miss anything?

Understanding the Elements and Costs of Adoption in New Jersey

Amanda: The only other thing I would say is anything related to your profile, right? So that would not necessarily be included, you know, in the cost that you're paying to an attorney or, you know, if you're working with an agency, potentially there, but that's the only other element that would be in creating your profile and home study cost. 

Jean: homesteading costs and post-placement supervision. This is the agency visiting your home, ensuring that your family is adjusting to the child and that the placement is proceeding well, writing reports to the court about the placement, and each report will recommend the continuation of the placement. And at the end of the supervisory period, which I said in New Jersey is a minimum of six months, the court must recommend finalization of the adoption as being in the best interest of the child. So they have to file a report that says that each audit report is a separate field. So by the way, there are one or two court reports required in New Jersey; it depends upon whether there is a preliminary and final hearing or just a final hearing. in a non-agency adoption. By the way, there are always two hearings; there's always a preliminary hearing, which is held two to three months after you file your adoption petition in court. And then there's a final hearing six months later. So it's a longer period, just because that's the way the law is written because initially it favored agency adoptions, I believe. But in any case, it takes a little longer to finalize, but what I always tell people is that your adoption is secured much earlier than finalization; the rights are terminated at that first hearing. So even in an agency adoption, if I don't have birth parents surrendering to the agency and I have a guy out there who is the birth father and hasn't surrendered, I will file the adoption immediately and ask the court to set forth a date for a preliminary hearing so that we can address the rights of the birth father and his rights can be terminated. We don't have to wait until the child is six or seven months old.

Amanda: Yeah, that's really helpful. I know it can often be panicky for the hopeful adoptive family to worry about how long this adoption is in jeopardy. So having a clear understanding of when it is no longer in jeopardy And when you're just working into the continuation of the finalization right through the check-ins that are necessary with the court to get to finalization, it's a really important distinction there. So thank you for sharing that. 

Jean: I'll just add that what I always tell my clients is that once parental rights are terminated, the courts are only concerned with your fitness as parents, and we know you're fit. You're good. One of the things I should quickly mention about New Jersey is that, as in many states, home study is good for 12 months. So after 12 months without a child being placed in your home, you need to have a home study update, which is much easier than I thought, so I won't go into detail. But it's there, but it's not as involved as the original home study—just some updated collateral medical information and things like that. But then, in addition to your fingerprint clearances, you also need state, FBI, and child abuse clearances, which are also only good for a year. Now once you receive a placement of a child in your home, your home study can expire, oh, your home study can expire. And you can still file for adoption in court, but your fingerprints can't. So even if you study for 12 months, that's okay, but you need to renew your fingerprints before you find out where they need to be in a year or less.

Amanda: It's important to note, and I always tell people that when you're working on your home study to get it approved or through your own study, at that point, you should also be working on your profile. Because once you really want to maximize the time that home study is good, right? And so you want to make sure that you're doing everything you can to be ready. As soon as the home study is approved, I often get questions about sharing your profile before the home study is approved. And depending upon your state law, right? That's always been there, and the implication is there. But I always err on the side of caution and say, "Wait until you've got that approval, and then start sharing your profile," just to be Tripoli-safe in the process. 

Jeanne: But I couldn't agree with you more. You need to get your marketing materials ready to go. I tell people the same thing. Otherwise, you're wasting time while they're at home studying. Right? You're wasting time; your study is ticking away. It's going to expire in 12 months, and you still haven't done your marketing material sales. Yeah, for sure. Yeah,

Amanda: I have a lot of clients that will match within those 12 months, as long as you know. And as long as you're ready to go right, And I've had a few say, "Oh, I wish I had found you three months earlier." And I was like, "Yeah, me too." Friend. I've got to pay to renew because, you know, I'm matching. Now I'm like, “I know it stinks.”

Jean: For people who just use word of mouth. They just told their friends and relatives they were going to adopt, and a placement came along. They haven't done anything. 

Amanda: Yeah, yeah. And someone reached out to me in the group a few weeks ago. She was like, "I have a match." It just fell in my lap. I'm not ready, but the baby is due next week. What do I do, and I'm like, "Who?" Okay, here's an attorney. And here's somebody that I know from a home-study perspective. And it's take go call them now like now now,

Jean: Yeah, I've had people throw together profiles overnight. I don't advise it. But if they really have to do it, 

Navigating Adoption Advertising and Self-Matching with an Experienced Adoption Attorney in New Jersey

Amanda: Right, If you get the opportunity to be present, you should take it. and it's a shot. It's a shot. So as long as it matches what you feel equipped to parent, of course, right? Exactly. Definitely important. Well, you really touched on a lot of our most common questions. So thank you; I do have a couple of clarifications I want to make, and then we'll circle back and go over everything one last time. So from an advertisement of your profile, I know this is a lot of questions I get in my adoption pitch Facebook group around this. And people want to know what constitutes advertising. So I'll give a few examples that I get specifically for questions and let you expand from there. I get questions if I share it with my doctor, like a brochure or business card, or with my hairdresser. or if I create a Facebook profile and share in Facebook groups. Or if I use paid advertising, like Google ads or Facebook ads, are those different elements considered advertising under New Jersey law? And are there any restrictions that specifically apply to any of those elements?

Jean: No, New Jersey does not. I know, some states have restrictions, we do not have restrictions, adoption, advertising is permissible in New Jersey. So all of those things I counsel my clients to do, which is great.

Amanda: That is great. And it's okay for them to do them on their own behalf, if you will. Yes, you have to be working with the appropriate type of professional to really make the connection with the birth parents. This helped me articulate that a little bit better when it makes sure that people understand that it's okay to work with an adoption attorney and an adoption agency and still be going out and sharing your intent to adopt with the hope to self-match as well.

Jean: Yes, it is. Yes, it is. If you choose, for example, to advertise on a profile listing site, many of those will require a letter from me indicating that you are homestudy approved and that you are working with me on your adoption. So that's something to keep in mind, though, and, you know, you would be well advised obviously if you're going to start those efforts to self-match. You really need to be working with a professional because you need that professional to take over and vet those situations just as an agency would. So I do the same kind of vetting and agency work as I would if I were to speak with the birth mother, obtain her intake information, and send her forms to complete social and medical history forms. I sent her an email asking her to complete a release for medical records. So we do all of those things that the agency does, but they're done by the attorney instead of the agency. That's all. So that's really helpful. Well, because it gives you the option, of course, to advertise in all those states where advertising is illegal when you have an adoption attorney, and then you have someone to step right into that situation and steer you to competent professionals with the relevant expertise in other states. Yeah, so absolutely. You know, because I'm a member of the Academy of Adoption Attorneys and Assisted Reproduction Attorneys. You know, I know the professionals in the other states; I can pull one in for you, wherever the birth mother is, and work with that professional to get all my questions answered; you know, they're experts in their state's laws, and I'm an expert in my state's laws, and then we can develop an adoption plan together. Significantly, you know, the other thing I didn't mention was that New Jersey law does permit non-residents to file their adoption here. So I do represent couples from out of state. So if New Jersey law is more advantageous, many times they'll file their adoption here, and you can follow where the agency that has custody of the child is located. Or if the child is under three months old, you can file in the county where the child was born. So I can only represent birth parents who reside here because I'm only licensed to practice in New Jersey, but as long as the adoption is filed in New Jersey, which is permissible for non-residents, I can also represent out-of-state adoptive parents.

The Importance of Working with an Adoption Attorney for Interstate Adoptions

Amanda: Yeah, you touched on something that's really, really important. There are a couple of things, actually. First and foremost, you always have to work with an adoption attorney. I think my audience probably heard me say that every single week through this series, but there are nuances to adoption law that are different from family law. And that is why it is so critical that you work with an adoption attorney, because you don't want to put anything in jeopardy. You thought you could save yourself, you know, a few bucks here and there. Because you have a neighbor who is an attorney, do you know what type of law he practices? So you want to make sure that you're working with the right type of professional, primarily if you are working or considering it. Do it outside of your state. So if you live in Arkansas and adopted New Jersey, or vice versa, you will need to have attorneys that understand the law in both states, to your point, so that you can understand what's the most advantageous route for the hopeful adoptive family as well as the expected family on which they should be the governing body, if you will, to finalize the adoption. I know in our own situations, we had those conversations as well when we were going through our adoption process. We had an adoption attorney in Arkansas, and we had an adoption attorney in Florida, where my daughter was born. And they consulted, and they told us what we needed to do from there. and it was really important that we follow those steps appropriately.

Jean: And just so your audience understands, you can have a termination of parental rights in one state and finalize the adoption. And on the other hand, I just want to make that clear. Also,

Amanda: Yeah, you can; you're exactly right. 

Jean: A birth mother can waive her rights under the laws of her own state and choose to surrender the child under the laws of another state. Yeah. Another point I wanted to make was that, also with respect to interstate adoptions, you need an attorney that does this because they have to have a relationship with the interstate compact office and understand how that works. So, if your adoption attorney has any questions along the way, they know who to contact in that interstate office. So that's that, and they know how it works. And they know how much time it will take, you know, so they can help expedite things for you to a point where, as I always tell people, it's out of control. In large measure, once it's in interstate hands, how long it takes them to process it in New Jersey is really good. They're very quick, but you just never know. There could be, you know, the coronavirus,  snow storms, all sorts of things we had, and we had Sandy at one point, Hurricane Sandy. So we had various things that could delay, you know, the interstate process. And just for those of you who don't know, if it's an interstate adoption, you must remain in the state where the baby is born until the interstate compact offices of both the state where the baby's born and your state of residence approve the placement and allow the child to leave that state. So you're in a hotel somewhere during that period. So that's why it's critical that you have an attorney that can expedite that to the best of their ability, understand this interesting process, and know exactly what documents have to be filed.

Amanda: And that interesting process cannot happen until after the surrender is finalized.

Jean: That's one of the documents that has to be filed with the interstate compact office.

Amanda: Okay, perfect. I think just to that point, it would be nice as we begin to wrap up our discussion here today, just to give a refresher on just one logical line from start to finish: if I live in the state of New Jersey, or if I don't live in the state of New Jersey, what are the steps that I'm taking in the adoption process, based upon your experience in New Jersey?

Jean: Okay, so the first thing I like to tell people to do is that I really think your best bet is to hire an adoption attorney at the start of your journey. You're going to need the counsel of an adoption attorney in your state at some point anyway, certainly to finalize the adoption, but you might as well get the benefit of his or her counsel at the outset. Your attorney can help steer you through the maze of adoption decisions, ensure that you're complying with the applicable laws, and refer you to competent professionals. And like you, I really like to stay within my zone of genius. Now, I know you've said that so many times. But I know a lot about marketing at this point. But it's not my zone of genius. You know, it's your zone of genius. So I like to refer my clients to marketing professionals. It's also more economical; you don't want to pay an attorney's rates for that. So it really is, and so I do steer my clients—you know, I encourage them to do their own marketing and not just sit and wait with an agency—because the more places you're at and the more you spread the word, the better off you're going to be. So I also have a finance coach that I work with on behalf of my clients. Because, as you have stated so many times, and as I always tell clients, you need to figure that out at the outset; we need to know how much you can afford to pay, and you need to have liquid funds ready. So, you know, I certainly have spent a lot of time Googling, trying to figure it out, but then I thought, I'm not doing this; I'm going to hire somebody who just does this and knows all about financing, and give my clients the benefit of her services. So I found those things out. So if you hire an attorney like me or someone else, then you get the benefit of that from the outset. Once you hire your attorney, you're going to have to figure out what route you're going to take. Right? So are you going to just sit with an agency, and if you do choose an agency, is it going to be a small local agency, or is it going to be a large agency that has national rates? Should you market throughout the country, that's going to cost you more than a national agency. So basically, they're doing a lot of marketing for you; the small local agency is going to be a less expensive option, but you're not; they don't do as many placements, and you're not going to have the same reach. So I tell clients, if you're not going to use a large, expensive, nationally based agency, there's nothing wrong with that; some of them are absolutely terrific. But you're going to wait with a smaller agency; really, you've got to do some of your own self-matching to really put in the effort. Otherwise, you could be waiting a long time. So that's your next determination, right? Which route am I going to take? And then you really have to get these marketing materials ready, right, that is, get those ready. And at the same time, you can be working on your home study. That's what I tell people. And then, once your home study is complete, you're really ready to, you know, go full steam ahead on your marketing. And also, as you've selected an agency, the agency is now in a position to be able to present you to prospective birth families. The other thing I tell clients, while they're preparing their materials and when they first contact me, is that you really have to get educated about it, and I recommend some books that they can read. I tell them to go on creating family.org. I've been telling them to go to your website. I tell them to educate themselves on issues such as prenatal drug exposure, alcohol exposure, exposure to hepatitis C, or whatever. You know, if you're going to come up with those scenarios, you really have to understand, you know, what effect that could have on the baby. and whether or not you're comfortable with those situations. At the time that your home study is approved, you need to tell the agency what kinds of situations you're willing to accept. So are you willing to accept a child of certain races or ethnic backgrounds? Are you willing to accept a sex child? Are you willing to accept a child of a certain age? Are you willing to accept a child who was exposed prenatally to drugs or alcohol and whose birth mother may have had some mental health conditions? You know, there are all sorts of things to consider. If you're wanting to adopt, quote, "twins," that doesn't mean you can amend your decision later on. But you really, really need to know going in; you have to have some idea of what kind of child would fit your family and educate yourself if you are adopting outside of your own race, for example. And many of the agencies—the home study agencies—do have educational seminars on those topics. And you can easily find them on your own, and I can point people to them also. So once you do that, as I said, you're ready to go full steam ahead. If you are marketing on your own, as we mentioned, and you do connect with a birth parent, then you contact your attorney, and your attorney will help you with that situation, help you develop an adoption plan, and help you find other competent professionals that you're going to need, including other attorneys and agencies, to provide counseling and other services to birth parents. And you're going to have to decide significantly, as I've said, whether or not that adoption is going to be an identified agency adoption, as I mentioned before, or whether you're going to utilize the laws governing private adoption. And if the birth mother is in another state, you know, maybe you're utilized and you can finalize there, which is advantageous, so maybe you'll want to do that. I always tell my clients that I'll step out of that if I need to. So you want to do what's most advantageous for your situation? I think that's what you're asking me to do. Right? Is there anything else?

Amanda: Yes, I would just say that from there, a baby is born. And then you're taking the appropriate laws, you know, depending on the situation for consent, termination rights, or revocation period, and the state of New Jersey's consent, and then you're working towards finalization, correct? Correct. That's awesome, and I think that is super helpful for the audience, just to have kind of that one continuous picture of all of the elements together to understand step by step what to do, which is really what I'm always focused on: helping people understand step by step where they need to go and seek additional resources, like you said, because there's a lot to learn at this process. But our conversations were incredibly helpful. Before we wrap up, I'd love to know if you have any kind of parting thoughts that you would like to share with the audience as it relates to adoption law in New Jersey or just adoption in general.

Jean: Okay, so I think my parting shot is that, you know, this has been quite a journey for me as an adoption attorney. You know, I feel like I'm on this ride with my clients. So adoption is a journey. It's an emotional journey for most people. It has its ups and downs. But my parting advice is: if it's what you want, don't give up. I have never had a client. In my 24 years of doing this, when people come back to me and say they regret it, they are thrilled to be parents. And when you go through the process, you see that the birth parents find solace in knowing that their child is growing up in a loving, stable home with a family selected by them. And given the opportunity to have the life that they envision for their child, I always get, I mean, I think about when I see adoptive moms and birth moms hugging each other, crying, and thanking each other, and I get to hear that I'm still teary-eyed thinking about that. So that's what's so incredible about adoption. I mean, it is a process that, if you go about it the right way, you can really grow and learn from. And it can bring out the absolute best in people. And, given that one, my other advice is to choose your professionals not just for their competence and expertise but for their sensitivity and emotional intelligence as well. It will not only help you on the journey when you're going through it, but it can make a difference in terms of your match with a birth parent. It really can if you have an attorney that's not sensitive to a birth parent, and is communicating with that birth parent, that can be a problem for you. Yeah. So it's unlike—you know, I litigated before I did this; believe it or not, commercial litigation is what I did. This is very, very different. I feel more like a social worker. So. But, um, you know, as you know as a parent and as other parents, it is the hardest job in the world but the most rewarding, so don't give up.

Amanda: Yeah, well, that's phenomenal. And it's just been so great to talk to you today. Jeanne, we really appreciate you and all the wisdom you shared with the audience. And I really love your approach to the overall adoption process of saying, "Listen, I'm here to guide you throughout the way it connects you to the right partners that you need to complete your journey." But I really love your point about emotional intelligence, because that really does make a difference for the journey that hopeful adoptive families and birth families are on together. So that's amazing. How can our audience get in touch with you? Should they be interested in learning more about the adoption law in New Jersey or working with you?

Jean: Okay, I have a website, https://www.jeanmcavalierelaw.com/ They can also call me; my phone number is 973-366-2499. Or they can email me; my email is jean@jeanmcavalierelaw.com.

Jean: Thank you so much. 

Amanda: Thank you again for your time today. We appreciate you.

Jean: Thank you. I appreciate you, Amanda, and thanks again.

Amanda: Wasn’t it such a great conversation with Jeanne? First of all, I just want to be Jeanne's best friend. I mean, how amazing is she? She's such a wealth of knowledge. And she made an excellent point about having emotional intelligence to support you wherever you are in the process. If I were adopting in the state of New Jersey, I'd definitely be reaching out to Jean, and I highly suggest you do so as well. And before you go, if you have questions about the adoption process, make sure you check out the private adoption program. 

The private adoption program is specifically designed to help save you money and time in the adoption process. I walk you through step by step how to conduct each adoption process, no matter if you're adopting through private adoption, adoption through an agency, adoption through an attorney, embryo adoption, or even surrogacy, so that you understand the steps from start to finish that will make the journey the most efficient for you from a time and money perspective. Head on over to myadoptioncoach.com/program to learn more.

Remember, friend, anything's possible with the right plan and support, and I'm here with you every step of the way. I'll see you soon.

Disclaimer: The information contained herein is not to be considered legal advice. We are not attorneys. Should you wish to hire the attorney mentioned in this post, please contact them directly.