Adoption Self Matching Step-By-Step
Considering self-matching your adoption but worried unsure of all the steps that go into the process? Well don’t worry friend today I am going to share with you an overview of the four steps to self-matching your adoption.
I know that you want your adoption to be easier, faster, and more affordable. That's the reason why I created this business. That's the reason why there are hundreds of you in the Facebook group, we're nearing 1000 friends (You should come to join us!).
My mission in life is just to help you understand how to adopt so that you can choose to create your adoption journey the way that you want to create.
4 Phases of Self-Matching Your Adoption
One of the best benefits of self-matching is that you can save tens of thousands throughout the adoption process.
Becoming a Waiting Family
The first phase of self-matching your adoption is becoming a waiting family. And as always there are sub-steps in this step…
Research the Adoption Laws
The first step in becoming a family is to get a clear understanding of the laws in your state regarding adoption, as well as the states you’re considering adoption in.
Get Your Home Study Approved
After you research the laws, you want to get your home study approved. Don't worry, home studies don't have to be scary. I have tons of resources for you to help you in this endeavor. If you need to find one, you can check them out below, or just come to my Facebook group. We've got tons of stuff there for you too.
Home Study Resources for You
Create Your Financial Plan
After you get your home study approved, the next big step is to work out the details of your financial plan. You need to have a written financial plan to help you as you go through your adoption journey.
This is the thing that gets most people hung up on even getting started in their adoption journey is having an understanding of what it's going to cost and how they're going to pay for their adoption.
Now, let's take a minute to talk about what it's going to cost when it comes to self-matching. There are no industry-reported stats that tell you exactly how much it's going to cost. I work with my one-to-one clients by putting together their financial plans for self-matching all the time. So, I can tell you the big buckets that are comprised in creating your financial plan.
It really comes down to making sure that you understand your attorney’s fees and then set a matching budget with your expected parents (whenever that moment comes around).
This is something that I work with my one-to-one clients regularly. So if you need help just reach out and we can tackle that together. Don't let paying for your adoption be an impediment to you pursuing your adoption.
If adoptions on your heart friend, let's do it together. It's possible.
Marketing Your Family
The next big phase of self-matching your adoption is marketing your family. This phase is my zone of genius. It is what I love to do, after all, it's my day job. I've worked in marketing for over 20 years. When it comes to marketing your family, this is all about telling your story through your profile.
Marketing is everything from creating your profile, sharing your profile in the right places through organic opportunities (free or paid) through matching sites or Instagram or Facebook ads.
Let's take a second to talk about marketing your family because I know some of you don’t want to do marketing because it may even sound wrong. Let me tell you… the power in marketing your family when you’re trying to match with expectant parents is all about telling your story.
You need to get super clear about what makes your family so amazing and why they would want to choose your family over another family.
I just really urge you, friend, if this is not your zone of genius, don't attempt this alone. It breaks my heart all the time. I see people post in group after group after group, who have been self-matching for a while or they've been with an adoption agency for a while, and they just haven't gotten picked.
Every single time it is because your story is not clear enough. If you need help in this, don't sit there and struggle alone. It is my zone of genius. That is the whole reason why I started this is because I can tell an amazing story about my family and I can teach you to do the same. That is how we got picked for our adoption journeys twice at a super-fast pace. We were 100% ethical and did everything our agency asked us to do.
I brought my own spin to our profile. That's what helped us stand out and what ultimately helped us get picked by our expectant parents.
With our oldest child, we were picked within less than 60 days. With our youngest child, we were super restrictive because we were gender-specific and we matched in less than six months.
In both of those cases, they had told us it would take years. So this is my zone of genius friend if you need help with marketing your family to match. This is definitely where I can help you for sure. When it comes to social media, remember is part of my marketing day job. I work on social media all the time. So don't be scared. Just take a big ole deep breath with me. To get more resources for your adoption journey, check out this helpful page!
Waiting For a Baby
Now, I know that this can sound a little like but we miss matching in the phases. In this phase, you're going to connect with the expectant parents and be chosen by expected parents.
You will go through all of the paperwork phases and then wait for the baby to be born. Then you’ll enter into what I like to call the hospital time.
Becoming a Forever Family
In the next phase of self-matching, you’re going to be waiting out the revocation period. The revocation period in adoption is the time frame the expectant parents have to change their minds. If the family changes their mind, we call this a disrupted adoption. It is important that you do your legal research for this step. You need to understand what the revocation period is in your state and the state you’re finalizing in as well.
Post-Placement Support
Post-placement support is one of the areas that are most often overlooked. When you are trying to self-match your adoption, if you think about kind of some of the services that the agencies offer, you want to determine which ones of those are appropriate for your self-matching journey.
I would argue that getting counseling support for both you and the expectant parents is really important even after the baby is born. A lot of my clients struggle with their birth parents after placement, because the relationship gets into this rocky situation. Nine times out of 10 it's in a rocky situation because there's some grief and some hurt on one or both sides of the equation.
There just hasn't been processing of emotions. If you had a counselor to work through that grief and had a way that you could work on healing yourself, it would help lighten your mental load. The expectant parents need help in dealing with the loss and the adoptive parents go through a whole multitude of emotions too.
For me, I experienced tremendous joy, grief, and sorrow. Getting support during placement and post-placement is really an important step.
Living Life as a Family Unit
This is going to look a little bit different for everybody. I think this is also one of those areas that is most commonly overlooked whenever you're talking about self-matching your adoption.
If you think about an agency model, the agency is going to be facilitating pictures, letters, and some sort of communication exchange after the placement of the child.
In a self-matching adoption, that's not always the case. I think it's important that we take a pause, and we compare self-matching to agency adoption. Our goal in self-matching our adoption is a couple of different things like you're going to have greater contact with the expected family, (and then thus the birth family), and you're going to be able to really customize your journey a bit more.
Ultimately, your goal is also to save tens of thousands of dollars.
I would like to suggest to you is that we think through what model the agency has and self-matching and then find a way to kind of replicate those resources on a self-matching budget.
An agency is going to offer you counseling services upfront during the placement phase and they're also going to offer you counseling services and to the expectant parents on the post-placement phase.
Find the right affordable way for you to replicate that.
The other thing that an agency is going to support you with through an adoption journey is going to be an attorney. Everybody has to have an attorney. Friend, do not try to go it alone. I've heard so many heartbreaking horror stories, where people think they can just print out the forms, from the county website and fill them out and the birth mother can sign the forms after birth, and I'll find the file them myself and I'll save myself $5,000 it's not worth the risk.
Trust me, it is not worth the risk. Do an extra fundraiser, save a little extra each month to fit an attorney into your budget.
The other thing that the agency really does that is not typically most everybody's zone of genius is marketing. Their job is to market to expectant parents to choose their agency and to market you as a hopeful adoptive family to choose their agency, then they're going to match the two of you together.
I know that marketing can seem so scary, but it really doesn't have to be. I offer courses for that help you with all of the areas of your adoption journey (even in marketing).
For more information about marketing in your adoption journey, check out this amazing resource.
You don't need to pay some other company tens of thousands of dollars in order for them to market you. You are the creator of your story because it's your life. Let me teach you how to market your family. You can do that through the free resources on the YouTube channel or over in my Facebook group, which you can join at any time, or you can join the courses is totally up to you friend.
I want your adoption to be easier, faster, and more affordable.
If you are creative and surround yourself with the right resources that an agency model lends itself to you can actually pick and choose the resources that you need on your budget and that feel the most authentic to who you are. Then you can walk through the four phases of self-matching your adoption, become an approved family, market your family and wait for the baby to be born. Then you can become a forever family.
I know you are so excited that to know that it's really possible for you to self-match your adoption, friend. I know that you really want to jump on over to the Facebook group because you know that you're in a safe space to ask all the questions and get all the answers directly for me.
I’m in the Facebook group multiple times a day, answering questions from everyone in our community. It's our safe space away from expectant parents and attorneys and agencies so that you can ask all the questions that are burning your heart without any judgment.
Hi, I Am Amanda
I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey