In this blog post, we're going to focus on making your adoption announcement and what to do if that is met with less than ideal responses from your friends and family. 

This blog post was inspired by a post that was shared in the My Adoption Coach Facebook Group. I'm always trying to find new and different ways to support you and that's why I've done a ton of research. I’ve been in your situation before and I’ve talked to a ton of clients about their experiences. 

There is never a perfect way to have an adoption announcement. Or even knowing the terminology that you use in the adoption process. You always run the risk of offending someone or maybe not agreeing with someone and that's totally okay. 

If you ever see something that you feel that I've missed out on or not spoken about as correctly as you think it might be, feel free to drop me a line. I'm totally open to feedback anytime. There's nothing perfect in this life, including myself. So always open yourself to your feedback, folks. 

How to Make an Adoption Announcement 

1. Determine your goal for the announcement. 

Step number one is determining your goal for the announcement. What I would encourage you to think about is what your objective is with the announcement. 

• Is it sheerly to share with your friends and family that you're adopting? 

• Do you have something else that you want them to do to help you? 

• Do you want them to share the profile to help you get exposure? 

• Do you want to use it as an opportunity to fundraise? 

It is totally fine if you want to share this opportunity with no intention behind it other than sharing, and then following up with a series of other requests that you would have for your friends and family like sharing it with their networks for fundraising. 

Just think through what you want to accomplish with your announcement and make sure you're setting yourself up for success from the beginning. As with most things in the adoption process, be intentional with the way you approach it and with the language that you use. 

These are the types of things that are really going to set you up for greater success and less heartache. It's not going to help you avoid heartache in the process. It's just part of the adoption process in general.

2. Make the graphics for your announcement 

The second step is making the right graphics to help you announce your adoption based upon your objectives. Again, if you want to just simply announce your intentions, then maybe just a quick photoshoot with a saying on a sign.

Ideas for adoption sayings: 

• Growing in our hearts. We’re adopting. 

• We’re on an adventure to find our baby. 

• Waiting for our missing piece. 

• Mom and Dad are getting me a human (with a dog in the picture). 

• Our hearts are waiting. 

• We’re adopting. Baby LAST NAME coming TBD. 

There are a million different ways that you can announce your adoption in a cute and different way. Making sure that the graphics tie back to what your objective is is really important. 

If you just want to announce that you're hoping to adopt that is pretty simple and straightforward. If you want to share a graphic with a purpose to share or for fundraising, then make your graphics to match your objective. 

If you’re in my Facebook group, I share tons of graphics in there all the time. If you have a particular need or need me to teach you how to create something I'm happy to do that. Just jump into the group or leave a comment. 

I would be happy to make a quick video and show you how to accomplish the graphics that you're trying to create for your announcement. 

3. Pick the right platform to share your announcement. 

The third step is picking the right platform to share your adoption announcement. This step is important because you want to make sure it aligns with your objectives.  

If your objective is to just simply inform people you're adopting, then maybe a simple Facebook post would be great for that. I would also just really take a second to point out that maybe there are some people you need to talk to you ahead of time rather than them just seeing a post show up in your feed. 

Ultimately it’s your decision. Having been through that myself, I can tell you that there were a few friends that were a little taken aback by seeing our announcement on social media first rather than in person or a phone call first. 

4. Determine the date and time for sharing the adoption.

The fourth step is to determine the right date and time to share your adoption. Again, align this to your objectives. So if your objective is a simple informative post, this may not be as important for you.

But if you're using this so that they will see it and share it with their network or help you fundraise, then I would highly suggest that you pick a time where your audience, your friends, and your family are more active on Facebook, to see the post. 

I would make the post after you have been intentional with engaging with the platform for a few minutes, make the post and then engage with the platform for a few additional minutes. So giving you just a little insider tip again, from all of my years in marketing, if you just post something cold (meaning you just get on Facebook to make the post and then walk away), that post isn’t going to be seen by as many people in your network based on the algorithm. 

I know it sounds really silly, but the way I just mentally think about it. If I've got something important to share then I really want to make sure that my audience sees I'm active for about 15 minutes before the post goes up, make the post, and then I’m active for about 15 or 20 minutes afterward. 

The same goes true for Instagram. And don't worry, if you have questions as it relates to the platforms, I'm happy to answer anything that you'd like to ask in the Facebook group. 

5. Respond to comments on the announcement post. 

The fifth and final step is to respond to the comments both positive and negative. Let's all have a little grace for everyone because adoption is hard. Your friends and family are not going to be in the trenches like you.

Help them understand the process a little bit more, what terms to use, what terms not to use, and send them to the adoption terminology blog post to get more educated. Just simply start taking it as a moment to educate with grace. 

Responding to both the positive and the negative comments is really important because these are folks that care about you, right? They deserve a response. They deserve some coaching if they aren’t responding in a way you like. They also deserve a little bit of general respect as it relates to supporting you through the adoption process. 

I will tell you that you're going to get lots of questions. This is normal and par for the course. And again give them grace because they don't know anything about the adoption process unless they've adopted a child before. 

Details to Include in Your Announcement 

1. What Type of Adoption You’re Pursuing

I would include what type of adoption you're pursuing in your adoption announcement. You might need to educate them a little bit about the type of adoption you’re pursuing, what the typical steps are, and how long it might take for you to adopt. You could talk about cost, but that is totally a personal decision. 

2. How They Can Help You

Tell me how they can help you on your journey. 

If you're self matching, or you're just trying to get the word out about the fact that you're adopting, that would be a terrific way to tell them they can help you. 

If you are seeking financial assistance, or fundraising, that would be a typical way to tell them how they can help you. People really want to help whenever you start talking about your adoption. 

You'll have a lot of people that will be super interested right upfront to help you. That interest will kind of die-off after w while because then they'll get back to their own lives and rightfully so.

Then when you make another post, you'll get another wave of people asking how they can help you. So think through that in advance and be prepared to answer or address it right up front in the announcement that you make. 

3. When You Will Update Them on Your Journey

The third step is to tell them when you will update them on your journey. This comes into a very highly sensitive area that is personal for sure (as the entire adoption journey is). 

Only you can decide what you want to share and when. It’s possible you may not know at this stage of your adoption journey and that is totally okay. It is something that you're going to learn as you go through the process. 

4. How to Discuss Your Adoption Journey

You will have folks that will want to get an update because they're nosy or they're curious. Whatever you want to label it. 

Then you're also going to have folks that just generally want to help you and want to ask you about it, but are worried they're going to cause some bad emotions or feelings and they don't want to do that. So they're going to dance around the subject or ask questions that will kind of lead you to talk about it. 

My personal favorite (when we were going through the adoption process) was “Well, how are things going”? Then there was the longest, awkward pause you could imagine in your life. I would always have a little fun with it with some friends and just talk about anything other than adoption and see if they'd circle back around to it. 

Some of my really good friends would circle right back around and would say something like “But how are you really doing”? 

When they would add that really with a lot of feeling and empathy then you knew what they were talking about (or at least I did). Telling them right up front, how you're going to update them on your journey will avoid that long awkward pause that seems to lead into infertility conversations. 

More than anything their intentions are sweet. They just want to help support you and they don't want to bring up something that's going to make you uncomfortable. If you tell them upfront you're you both of you a service. I would let them know upfront if it's okay for them to talk or ask about your journey or not. And it is totally fine for you to tell them. I'll let you know when there's an update in between now and then don't ask me about it. Again, that is totally fine as well. Clear communication is what's super important. 

Those are the four things at a minimum that I would include in your adoption announcement. You don't want to novel behind your announcement. You want something short and sweet. 

How to Deal with Negative Comments During Your Adoption Journey

Common Questions I Received on My Journey

• When are you adopting?

• Can you not have your own children?

• What will you tell them about their birth family?

• How long will it take?

Plan ahead of time how you’re going to respond to negativity. 

First of all, I would plan ahead of time how you're going to respond to the negativity you expect to get. 

I know you're shocked but I suggested planning ahead for something.  I would really take a moment to think about what is actually going to be said by some people. 

Think about how these comments are going to make you feel & figure out how to respond. 

Then I would take it one step further and think about how those comments are going to make you feel. I want you to prepare your heart and your soul for that. It's really important. 

When I first posted on Facebook, we didn’t get all positive responses from a couple of family members. Before I responded, I thought about how I wanted to respond. 

Just because they post something on Facebook for the world to see doesn't mean you have to leave it there for everyone to see it. You do have the power to delete the comment. 

You also can pick up the phone and have a conversation. I would always recommend doing that versus having one of those nasty battles within the social media space. You could also call ahead and talk to those people ahead of time versus them seeing it first on a Facebook post. Before I picked up the phone to call anybody, I would be prepared for all the rude, insensitive, and distasteful comments that you might get from that particular family member and think through that and how you would respond. 

What you want to do is try to respond without your emotions running high. You want to instead respond from a place of calmness with a centered mindset that will allow you to process what they're saying without taking it to heart. 

We already talked about how you could potentially respond to them privately (I would highly suggest that), it's really important. You can respond to them individually over the phone, etc. Then just prepare for how you're going to protect your heart and your mindset to these comments. 

Not all of the comments are going to be bad. You can take energy from the positive comments and apply it to the negative or neutral comments. For your own sanity, establish what types of ground rules you want for having contact with these people.  

Maybe someone's not quite as supportive as you hope they would be and maybe you choose not to talk to them about your adoption journey. Or maybe you choose to go all in and really try to bring them along in the journey because it's really important to you that they embrace your family in the way you're choosing to form your family. 

These are just all highly individual choices. I would really suggest that you take a minute to think through how you think people are going to respond and what your responses are going to be based upon that so that you can just prepare your heart and your mind.

You do have so many other obstacles to overcome in the adoption process. Don't let your social circle be a definition for you. 

There are going to be so many other things to think about and to process. 

Neutral and Positive Comments You’ll Likely Get

When I announced, I get questions like this from friends both publicly and privately, “Why are you adopting”?

They didn't understand why we were making that choice. I got a couple of especially hurtful comments like “Can you not have children of your own”?. I had to, of course, educate them that these would be my children, period. 

Depending upon the way they were worded, or quite honestly, the emotional state I was in that day the comment would really hurt. I got some questions like “What will you tell them about their birth family? For me, that felt intensely private because I was still exploring that at the time and how we would have those conversations. I was still reading and determining what we would talk about as a family. 

I was just open and honest and said, “You know what, I'm still working through that and we're gonna figure it out”. Thankfully, we had a really amazing social worker in our adoption home study that helped us through those types of discussions that we were having. 

When someone asked how long will it take, I usually gave some sort of flippant response, like, “If you have a crystal ball, I'd love to see it”. In all seriousness think through how you want to respond to that. 

There were other nosey questions about how much it would cost us and if our child would know their birth family. This is the area where people, myself included, start protecting stories of our children, right? 

There are some details here that are really just none of anybody's business. So my advice to you is just thinking about how you would respond to this ahead of the time that you're posting so that you're not caught off guard and having these deep emotional moments where you feel like you have to decide right now because it's going to impact your children's lives forever. 

Instead, have a couple of responses that basically says, “We’re still working through that” or “That’s not something we want to share publicly”. 

Not every comment is gonna be negative.  So, how do you take the positive comments, and harness the energy from them? The adoption process can be hard and having the support in real life of people you actually know on a daily basis, and not just from some fabulous Facebook group is going to be important.

Take a moment and take stock of those that really support you and your announcement, because those are going to be your safe havens in real life for you to turn to as you go through your adoption journey. 

It doesn't matter which way you're adopting. It doesn't matter if you're adopting with a private agency, or through a consultant, or even with an attorney. All of these journeys are going to be hard. No matter what you choose, it's hard on you. Having an adoption coach, a virtual support group, or a support group in real life is really important to help you through it.

If you haven't already gone over to the Facebook group to join it, I would highly recommend it. If you love this blog post and if you really want to go above and beyond if you want to share it on social media with your network and tag me. That would just absolutely thrill me to death. My goal is to support you because anything is possible when you have the right plan and support and I'll always be here to support you and guide you through your adoption journey. Remember, you can totally do this and I have your back.

Hi, I Am Amanda

I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey