How To Adopt A Baby In Missouri

How to Adopt a Baby in Missouri

Are you worried about passing your home study and feeling nervous about what questions they might ask you and how deep of a dive they're going to do into your business to decide if you are eligible to adopt? I get it. I've been there. I remember sitting on my couch just vibrating with energy and nerves waiting for our home study provider to show up at our home for our first initial visit. But today, I'm going to be sharing a conversation with Janis Simkins, who is a licensed clinical social worker in the state of Missouri. And she is going to walk us through the home study process in Missouri, but also give you some really valuable tips that are going to help you pass your home study no matter what state you're in. 

Amanda: Please join me in welcoming Janice to the show. Janice, thank you so much for being willing to join us today. We appreciate your time.

Janis: I am so happy to be here. Thank you for inviting me. I'm glad to share a little bit of information and experience about adoption with your followers.

Amanda: Awesome. Well, we are grateful you’re here. I've been calling the community on what types of questions they would be interested in asking social workers who would be providing home studies. And before we jump into all of those questions, I'd love if you would just spend a little bit talking about your background, so the audience can get to know you a little bit better.

Janis: Certainly, I am a licensed clinical social worker. I have been in the field of adoption for over 25 years. I worked on contract with some agencies before starting my private practice known as Adoption Home Studies of Southwest Missouri. I do work all over the state of Missouri though because that is where I'm licensed. I work with all different types of families through private or independent adoption, relative adoption, and step-parent adoption. I have worked in the international field for almost 20 years as well. And that was super interesting, too. But I no longer do that. So I primarily work with adoptive families.

Amanda: Well, we are so excited. I know that home study is kind of that word that sometimes for those of us early in our adoption journey can make our hearts do a little pitter-patter. My hope in this series is that it helps reduce the frequency of the pitter-patter because I do think it's important that the audience sees our social workers throughout the home study process as a real educational resource, as I did in my journey. Bless her heart, Jasmine, my home study provider, got asked a million questions throughout the adoption journey. So we're super excited for you to be here today. So you mentioned that you are licensed in the state of Missouri. And I'll just start with a baseline question for you. And I'm assuming that you have to be licensed in your state to provide a home study in that state that would be allowed legally in court. Is that a correct assumption?

Janis: That is correct. There is current legislation to change that to allow transferring licenses to other states, such as surrounding states. So that's in process, but right now just the state of Missouri. So if the family resides in Missouri, they have to have a social worker that resides and is licensed in Missouri, at this time to conduct their home study. They can, however, adopt from any state that their home study has to be conducted by a social worker in their state.

Amanda: That's a great clarification. That's exactly what I was gonna ask from a follow-up perspective. So can you walk us through just broad strokes high level what is the home study process like in the state of Missouri?

Janis: Well, it's a lot of homework. You probably recall from your home study. I'll tell you just generally, I do want to mention that when a family hires a social worker to conduct their home study, that social worker does not guarantee they will have an approved home study for adoption. They don't owe the family that. What they owe the family is a good home study assessment, whether or not it is approved. So most home studies are approved. There is an assessment before starting the home study process to determine if this family is a good fit to move forward with a home study. So there's there's kind of a pre-assessment that's typically done by phone. At those times, I asked questions of the family to determine if there are any issues of concern or red flags, such as criminal history, severe or exacerbated mental illness, any history or current addictions of any sort, recent bankruptcies, or unusual living situations. So our first conversation is typically by phone and we discuss those things. That’s the first step. If we move forward, the next step would be to provide the home study packet to the family. And I typically do this by emailing the packet. The packet includes a social summary form, which is about 20 pages long. So when I said there's a lot of homework, I'm not joking. It's not difficult. It's a fill-in-the-blank type of questionnaire and you're writing about yourself. So it's not hard. But there's also an autobiography component to a home study that is required in the state of Missouri. So I provide an outline for this autobiography for families to answer specific questions and write about themselves. Along with the packet, there are instructions for fingerprint background screening, families are required to be background screened at the state and federal levels, and any other state or country where they've resided for the past five years. And instructions on how to do that. There's also a list of verifications that the family has to provide such documentation includes birth certificates, marriage licenses, divorce decrees if you've been divorced before, physical exam forms, financial verification, employment references, and things of that nature. So there is a list. So a family receives this packet of homework, and it's during that time that I typically check in with a family. How are you doing? Do you have any questions, please feel free to contact me at any time if you do. You know, most families haven't done this before if they're first-time adopters, so this can be kind of new. And most questions focus on the fingerprint process. So it's pretty simple. Now it's done electronically, they scan their prints, and I can have the results the next day. So it's not complicated. It's just, you know, there are many boxes to check off with the home study packet. Once they complete the packet and return it to me, then we schedule our home visit meetings. So do you want me to continue on?

Amanda: Sure. I want to back up and ask just a couple of questions about what you've shared thus far. So as it relates to fingerprints. I know, in my case, we were directed to our local law enforcement. Is there a more digitally friendly resource these days? It’s been a few years since we brought home our children.

Janis: Yes, there is. It's much more friendly. So there are locations around the state that the Missouri Highway Patrol contracts with and they provide digital fingerprint screenings for the families. So you go online, schedule an appointment, and go to the site of the provider. They take your fingerprints and send the results to the Missouri Highway Patrol. And those results are electronically sent back to me. So it's not the ink and paper print anymore. It used to take up to six weeks to get results from ink and paper type of prints. And now it's a one-day turnaround, which is wonderful, especially for those who need an expedited home study who maybe get a call after the baby's been born and they are not home study ready. So this helps a lot. 

Amanda: That does for sure. I'm going to ask a couple of follow-up questions on kind of that intro call. Just specific concerns that show up in my DMs from time to time. This is regarding when one-half of the potential adoptive couple works and one does not, would that preclude them from being able to adopt? Do you mind to touch upon that? 

Janis: Absolutely not. There does have to be a source of income, of course, for a family. If you look at the research in the field of adoption, many practitioners recommend that a parent stay home at least for a time with their child, if possible, to help with the attachment process. 

Amanda: Yeah, for sure. That is awesome. Another question I often get would be about those medical forms. Do you mind touching a little bit more on what those medical forms are? Their purpose and what someone would need to do in that instance?

Janis: Yes. So regarding the physical advanced exam, it's typically just a general physical. For the state of Missouri, a physical for adoption is valid for two years. I provide the form for the medical practitioner to fill out. And it just asks general questions such as the person's medical history. Are they on any medications? Or is there any history of substance abuse or medication abuse that you were aware of any medical issues that could prevent a person from raising a child to maturity? So some states have different requirements. Some states require a TB test, or an HIV test. Missouri does not.

Amanda: Are there any requirements around vaccines? I know that that is a topic that often shows up in my Facebook group or in my DMs in two different ways. One is being required to say that you're going to vaccinate the child or the second to say that you have had the flu vaccine or the COVID vaccine or things of that nature.

Janis: No requirements about vaccines in Missouri. And in fact, you do not have to state that you're going to vaccinate your child, once your child joins your family. That is up to parental discretion. 

Amanda: Okay. So you are not kidding on kind of the checkbox of all the paperwork. I remember that being a step that honestly, once I turned it in, I was like, this deserves a celebration moment.

Janis: I know. For some families, it feels like being back in school, again. You have all this homework you have to do. But it does help to be organized Back when I worked in inter-country or international adoption, it was probably triple the paperwork and requirements of what domestic adoption requires.

Amanda: I'm sure! Just as a bonus tip, for those that are considering adopting more than one time, keep your copies of paperwork, make copies for yourself, keep a binder so that way, if for some reason, if your home study lapses or anything, you have to provide everything fresh for some reason, you have an easy way to just pull it out and be able to check off several of those boxes a lot more quickly. 

Janis: And to the benefit of adoptive parents, if you're adopting more than once, typically, you just need to update your home study, which is less expensive, easier, and quicker than the first time. 

Amanda: Yes. I'm the type to prepare. I had it all in my little folder. And even when we went to the hospital to pick up our children, I was like: in case they need a copy of our home study or our marriage certificate, I have them. I had everything there. Which was, by the way, overkill. That was just me being way too nervous. But, you know, we all have our neuroses.

Janis: I think that was great. And a very good idea on your part. I always encourage families if they are using a consultant or an agency out of state, to take your home study with you. Take an electronic and a paper copy and take your fingerprint results with you because the other states will want to see both of those.

Amanda: You're right. So we ran into a situation with our son where one of the physicians didn't want us to have the ability to make medical decisions on his behalf. And so we had the medical power of attorney that our agency had required our birth parent to sign and that was a document that I shared and I said please go speak with her and see if she would like for that to change. But here's the document she had previously signed. He did go check with her and thankfully she was aligned with the decisions we were making. But it was one of those instances where I was thankful I had the information.

Amanda: Okay, so now that someone has completed the paperwork and turned it in and had their celebration that they've passed that milestone of the process. Tell us a little bit more about the interview process, if you will. 

Janis: Absolutely. So with home studies, I think there are three major components: education, assessment, and then the actual report itself. So, once I receive all their documents, I put their file together. I review it all, I contact the family, and we schedule our home visit meetings. In Missouri, you're required to meet with a family a minimum of two times. One time is required in the home because you have to do a safety check on the home. But I like to do both the meetings at the home because that's where people are most themselves and most comfortable. I can better assess family dynamics and get a better feel for the family. So we schedule our meetings and the first meeting is education. So everyone comes to this stage of the home study process with different levels of knowledge about issues of adoption. They may know how to pick a provider and which agency they want to go through. They've done that work about their issues of adoption throughout the lifespan for the child, for the parents, and for other children in the family. So I think it's important that we start with education, some agencies require that families utilize 10 hours of training and they recommend a provider for that training. They go online and complete those different modules. I develop my own orientation to issues of adoption throughout the lifespan of the different members of the adoption triad and utilize that if there are other specific issues. If a family is open to adopting a child who has been impacted by prenatal substance use and is born testing positive for those substances I recommend that the family utilize other topics, specific trainings, and give them some options. So I typically recommend the National Council for Adoption. I love NCFA. They are probably my favorite organization that helps with educating people impacting policy and ensuring that adoption is practiced with high ethics. There is also the Center for Adoption, Support, and Education. They have wonderful educational opportunities. Families rising is another one. And Adoption Learning Partners. 

Amanda: Those are all great resources.

Janis: If you look at adoption research, it says that the more prepared parents are going into adoption, typically, the more successful their outcome of family formation and parenting will be. And also the more realistic their expectations are, not just during the adoption process, but also of their child and their relationship with their child. The more successful their family will be. So my training is very realistic and hopefully helps them prepare for some of the issues that might come up. I do want to say the state of Missouri does not require any pre-education for families. So it’s not a requirement. It is up to the social worker, and the agency, whoever they're working with in the state of Missouri to provide this for families if they feel it's important. I do. So some of the topics that I provide education on are the seven key issues facing adoptive families, what a healthy adoptive family looks like, challenges of adoption, how to deal with open adoption, etc. Things like how to tell your child his or her adoption story, and when and how to start that conversation. Coping with the feelings of the adoptive parents when they talk to their child about adoption, things like that. You know, it's, it's not always an easy topic just to bring up out of the blue. Hey, did you know you were adopted? Now, it's important to start early, keep the conversation simple, and move on from there with the age-appropriate issues of adoption throughout the lifespan. Many families feel like they can love any child, they just want to be parents, and they want to have children in their family. So if they're open to certain issues, we need to ensure that they're going to be prepared for raising a child that looks different and has a different cultural history than themselves, etc.

Amanda: Great resources. In my own family, we've had those conversations since they were little.  And we just kind of expanded the language that we use as they've grown. So when they were babies, we started by talking about how they grew in my heart, and they grew in their birth mom's belly. That was one of the pieces of advice that our social worker provided to us was like, you want this to not be a thing, you want it to be normal, because that is the way you form your family. And so that was important to us as a family. 

Janis: Well, one recommendation I give families is to make a child-friendly picture book for them. You may want to take a picture of the hospital where they were born, you may want to include a picture of the child's birth mom when she was pregnant, and then the first time you hold her, the first time your husband holds her. It’s a good way to tell a story with pictures that's easily understandable. Keep one that's child-friendly, that your kid at three years old can carry around and throw on the floor. They can own it, it is their story. I think that's empowering even for a young child.

Amanda: I love that. I love that. So as part of your home visit, you're talking about education for the first visit. What happens from there?

Janis: Well, from there, we do a safety check of the home. So as I'm sure everyone knows, it's not a white glove test. There has to be some level of cleanliness and organization in the home. And I have been to some homes where there is not. We have a lot of rural areas in Missouri and some families live very differently than I do. And it's okay as long as it's not a safety issue. So there are no blocked exits, medications have to be securely stored weapons have to be securely stored. There has to be a fire extinguisher, smoke detectors, and a posted fire escape plan. So it's pretty basic as far as a safety check goes up the home. And then the family can relax because I find that families are so oftentimes so worried that their home has to look a certain way. Well, you know, once you have children, it's going to look different. It doesn't have to be perfect. And during the first meeting, I tried to establish rapport with the families and let them know that I am bound by the laws of confidentiality. My practice is governed by a set of social work ethics. I have never met perfect parents and I've never met perfect people. They don't have to be perfect. I also try to remind them that adoption is not just an event. It is a lifelong journey. And I love this quote by Khalil Gibran who wrote in the book The Prophet: None of us own our children. We are mere caregivers and guides along their life's journey. So establishing rapport and that first meeting is important now. I do want to step back just for a minute with education. If a family is coming for adoption because of infertility, we start the education with that. I try my best to normalize their feelings and let them know that adoption does not cure infertility, and it's okay if you have reoccurrences of grief once your child joins your family. Infertility can also be one of the causes of post-adoption depression. Some people have never heard that. And I want families to be as prepared as possible. So that's another topic we talk tough on. Okay, what happens next? The second meeting is mostly the assessment piece, the interviews. In Missouri, it is a requirement that if you're a couple adopting as a couple you'll be interviewed jointly as well as individually, not so you can tell the dirt on your partner or anything like that, but there are a set of standardized questions the state requires, and one of those is are you choosing to adopt of your own free will? Is anyone coercing you to do this? So let's see. During the assessment piece, we talk more in-depth about a person's social history, if they have incurred any trauma, how they deal with grief, what their parenting ideologies are, if they have children in the home already what their practices are. We just look at things more in-depth. We talk about your childcare plan. You know, is someone got to stay home and be a full-time caregiver? Or are you going to have to find childcare? And if so, start looking, because, you know, we have a shortage of childcare across the nation. So it's never too early to start looking for childcare. Our standardized questions the state requires, involve asking about a history of alcohol use alcohol abuse, substance use, and abuse. Any history of mental illness in the history of addiction, not just to substances, but things like gambling, pornography, gaming, and shopping? Are you struggling with any addictions right now? And if so let's talk about it. Let's see what resources that you know, might be available to help you so that you can be a more present and better parent for your child to come. Those are hard questions. The state requires asking about any history of physical abuse, sexual abuse, or emotional abuse, as a victim or a perpetrator. And many people have had difficult experiences in the past. Social workers are trained in the strengths perspective. So you know, that doesn't rule someone out from having an approved home study, a social worker will assess, well, how did you get through that and look at the strengths that you’ve built over time to deal with those issues. And if they're still struggling, we try to help resource them, again, to be the best person and best partner, they can be and the best parent they can be when a child joins their family. So after the meetings, after we're done with both of our meetings, the next step is for the social worker to look for congruency with all the paperwork they've provided, and the interview information. From there develop the report. The home study report is a document. It's kind of like a snapshot of these people at that time in their life. It becomes a legal document when it's filed in court. So I always ask families to review a draft of their home study to ensure accuracy and reporting, before I complete it, and before I provide it to them. I also provide an original home study to their agency or attorney or their consultant, whoever they are working with for their adoption. That is very helpful to have on hand because you never know when you might need that. 

Amanda: So can you talk to us about the length of the process? What should someone kind of keep in mind? And then also when it comes to length? Can you also talk about how long they're good for in the state of Missouri?

Janis: Yes. Good questions. Thank you. So I typically tell people once you complete your paperwork and return it, we can have a home study complete within six weeks. Certain situations require a more expedient home study. And those can typically be done within two weeks. As far as the length of validity for home study in the state of Missouri, it's good for one year, then it requires an update, which I believe I mentioned, it's a little quicker process. It requires only one home visit. And it's usually half the price of the original home study or even less. So it's updating their references, making sure all of their financial information is current, their living situation is current, and just reviewing any life changes over the past year, from their original home study. 

Amanda: Yeah, I've had some clients that have said they want to wait two years in between and I was like, maybe you should talk to your social worker about keeping your home study current, just to see if it's cheaper to keep it current than it is to do it all over again. 

Janis: I also suggest that people work on getting their profiles together while they're waiting for their interviews. So once you've turned in your paperwork, that is the time that you want to start working on your profile. It takes anywhere from 4 to 6 weeks. So that is the perfect amount of time for everything to kind of get ready at the same time. So that you would then be ready to be what's called a live or waiting family. So you'll have your profile materials, your references, and your approved home study at the same time. 

Amanda: You mentioned references and I think that could be an area of interest for the audience. Do you mind expanding a little bit on references and what you asked for in that part of the process? 

Janis: So the number of references you will need depends on the type of adoption you are pursuing. They are personal character references for you. So if you're adopting an infant or a child that's not related to you, it requires five. I always ask for six in case someone just overlooks that letter or email. And then I reach out to the family and provide a guided letter of reference. I ask very specific questions. How long have you known the family? And what capacity do you know them? Please tell me a bit about their personalities. Have you seen them interact with children? Do you have any concerns about them bringing a child into their family through adoption? So those are the general questions.

Amanda: I think that's super helpful. I often ask for references in the process of building profiles as well, because what I have learned from expectant parents is that hearing others speak on your behalf helps them get a better picture of what your total village is like. So understanding that this grandmother or this aunt or this friend is going to be in the child's life and what role they'll play as well as their perspective on you being parents through adoption is a helpful resource to get a different perspective on you outside of what you're saying in your profile. So I love the complementary nature of the home study process and the profile together. 

Amanda: So now that the family is home study approved, and it's valid for the years length of time they've ultimately matched and then maybe brought home baby, are there any further homestudy requirements at that point to ultimately finalize the adoption?

Janis: Absolutely. There is a required post-placement period once the child joins your family. So from the time your child joins your family until finalization is a minimum of six months. So the first action would be the child joins you, then the attorney files the transfer of legal custody, which hopefully is within a few days after the child is born. Birth parents cannot consent or terminate their parental rights for at least 48 hours. Once that is done the attorney can file the paperwork for transfer of legal custody, and then the post-placement period starts. So I typically meet with families via Zoom in the first month just to do an initial how are you doing type meeting? How's your baby doing? Has the baby been to the doctor? Please send me those medical reports so that I can verify all the information you're telling me. Is there anything I can do for you during this time? Do you need resources? How's childcare going? Are you utilizing it yet? So it's usually a brief, maybe 30-minute meeting. If a family struggling I go in person, and we meet in person during that first month. But the requirements are post-placement home visits in person, once per quarter during those six months. So there's a minimum of two home visits during that time. At that time, it is a more thorough assessment of how the child's doing, how the parents are transitioning, how any other siblings are transitioning, etc. And I see if there are any resources that I can provide for them, any support I can provide for them. Those assessments, the post-placement assessments become reports, which are provided to the attorney and are filed with the court at the time of the finalization of the adoption. So feasibly a family can finalize their adoption immediately following the six-month post-placement period.

Amanda: That makes sense. And I know that's pretty common in most states to have some sort of contact, whether virtual or in person. What are the requirements for setting up the nursery pre- and post-placement from a homestay perspective? Are there any requirements?

Janis: So there's not doing a private or independent adoption. A child does have to have a place to sleep. But most parents put a portable crib in their bedroom and have their child next to them. So even post-placement, they don't have to have their own room or their own space in a room with another child.

Amanda: Thank you.

Janis: So you know, all the child safety plugins don't have to be in at that time. If a child is not mobile, it doesn't have to be done yet. It's recommended, of course and it’s really helpful to just get it done. But not required.

Amanda: Thank you, I get that question quite a lot. And I always tell them to verify with their home study provider. Well, thank you, this has been helpful to get an overview of the process and some individual deep dives. Before we wrap up a conversation, I just want to see if there's anything you would like to share with the audience about adoption in general? 

Janis: Well, that's a good question. You know, I think that it's important to be prepared for challenges during this process. Because there are situations where you may have a failed adoption. It’s tough, and you need to be able to reach out to your people. This includes your social worker, your agency, and your adoption coach, and let them surround you with support and information. I would also recommend that families utilize legal representation that is specific to adoption. So a lot of attorneys say they do family law, but they've only done two adoptions, and they were about 10 years ago. And so you can't expect them to know what the law reads now and to be efficient if they're not practicing adoption law regularly. So do your homework. Interview your providers, your attorney, your social worker, and your adoption coach. And just because they are experienced doesn't mean they're the right fit for you. 

Amanda: Yeah, you've got to find someone who's got a compatible style with how you like to communicate and how you like to engage. And if you aren't compatible, it's okay. Go find the next person. 

Janis: And I also would encourage people to keep the faith. Hope and stay true to your commitment to build your family. 

Amanda: I love that. That is great advice. And we are so so thankful for having you!

Janis: Thank you for having me. 

Amanda: We will include your contact information in the show notes. So wherever you're watching or listening to this, you can just scroll down and be able to find Janis’ information there so that you can reach out. We certainly appreciate your time today and we look forward to our community growing through your help in home studies in the state of Missouri. 

Janis: Well, I' just honored. Thanks for having me, Amanda. And I wanted to say it's National Adoption Month. So I'm just especially thrilled to be here during this month.

Amanda: Me too. Awesome. Thank you again. Thank you. How lucky are we to have learned from Janis? She is a wealth of information and has a lot of experience in helping hopeful adoptive families through the home study process. I think she gave us some really practical advice about just following the checklist of paperwork that is required throughout the kind of initial stage of your home study process and seeing that your home study provider is your ally in this process. They are there to answer questions and help provide you with education so that you are ready to bring home your baby. And most importantly, I think she helped debunk some of the myths that may exist in the home study process. You don't have to be worried about the white glove test as you go through the home inspection process, or even necessarily having the house baby-proof or having a crib set up and ready to go.

If you're interested in learning more about adoption, check the show notes for a link to an episode that walks you through it step by step.