Wondering what self-matching your adoption is and if it can really save you tens of thousands of dollars on your adoption journey?  Well, don’t worry friend today we are going to talk about all things self-matching.  

I’m answering all of the most frequently asked questions my community members ask me. Knowing this information can really save you tens of thousands of dollars on your adoption journey. 

What is adoption self-matching? 

Adoption self-matching means that you are finding an expectant parent on your own. There are a variety of ways to self-match your adoption. 

Getting started with self-matching your adoption 

You need a few different resources that mimic what the big agencies have in order to complete the process. 

The first step to self-matching your adoption is to find an adoption partner. The most common adoption partner is an adoption attorney. Then you’re going to become a waiting family and start your home study. Throughout the home study process, you’re going to find an expectant parent, match with them, and follow the legal process to finalize the adoption. 

This is a big overview, but we’re going to be breaking it down step by step in the next blog post. 

Frequently asked questions about self-matching your adoption

Is it possible to self-match your adoption?

Absolutely. I have tons of clients that have done this on their own. And tons of friends that have done this on their own before self-matching was even a thing. 

Are self-matching and independent adoption the same thing? 

These both mean you’re adopting without the help of a consultant or agency. You do ALWAYS have to have an adoption attorney though no matter which path you choose in adoption. 

What’s the average cost of self-matching? 

Self-matching your adoption can cost anywhere from $5,000 to $20,000. The price depends on the different elements that need to go into the process. The biggest cost factor is the living expenses the birth mother needs throughout her journey. This is the biggest variable in cost in self-matching adoption. 

It is still possible to save tens of thousands of dollars because you’re saving money on the costs that the adoption agency would charge to facilitate the adoption. 

I’m going to teach you all of the pieces and parts. Please note that some of them may be optional to you. 

Is it possible to find an expectant mother on my own? 

Yes, it is absolutely possible.

I have interviewed one of my clients, Brittany about this process. You can listen to the My Adoption Coach Podcast episode where I interviewed her about her process  HERE. She found an expectant mother twice. 

I supported her throughout the journey and offered her emotional support and help with her adoption profile. If you want more in-depth help with your adoption profile, check out My Adoption Profile Masterclass where I walk you through the exact steps to make your adoption profile stand out and get seen among the sea of waiting families. 

There is a multitude of ways to find an expectant mother. The biggest way is through social media. We will have a future blog post on how to find an expectant mother and match with them. 

The biggest secret is marketing your family. Marketing and having a great eye-catching profile will help you get seen and stand out to the expectant mother. 

What adoption professionals do you need in your self-matching adoption process?

Adoption attorney

You will have an adoption attorney for your family and the birth family. There are some people out there that will say that you can use the same attorney (which you can), but I would urge you to have two attorneys out of a sign of respect for the birth parents and yourself. You want them to know at any time in this journey, that it is ultimately their right whether or not they choose to place their child up for adoption.

It also sends the birth family a mixed message when you share the same attorney. When you employ an attorney, they are looking out for your best interests. The birth family needs someone looking out for their best interests as well. I always suggest that you just kind of have that little bit of separation. 

You are also paying the bill for the expectant family’s attorney as well in this process. You each need to get an attorney from your home state. 

Social Work or Counselor for the Expectant Family and the Adopting Family

Let’s take a second and just be real here. One of the biggest challenges my clients face during the placement is emotionally charged conversations around adoption. Adoption is tough in so many ways. You don’t realize how tough it is until you’re in it. 

Having a counselor for both families that can help you process the emotions is very important for your mental health. 

I get a lot of clients in the post-adoption space that reach out to me and say they keep circling the same topic with the birth family. Most of the time the issue is finances. The birth family also needs someone to help them with their grief over the adoption. It really will make a huge difference in the health of your relationship for the long term, which is what's really important for your child.

Even if you don’t know if you’re going to have an open adoption, closed adoption, or semi-open adoption, you need to process through everything mentally. 

Adoption Coach 

An adoption coach is someone that’s going to teach you the ins and outs of the whole adoption process (like an agency would do). The agency would charge you tens of thousands of dollars to do this which is expensive. 

Having an adoption coach will help you construct the learning in the pieces that you can do yourself is helpful. 

I’ve had over 20 years of marketing experience and spent well over a billion dollars in marketing campaigns for some of the biggest brands in the world. Not only can I teach you how to adopt and self-match your adoption, but I can also teach you how to market your family because the birth mother wants to hear your authentic story in a way she can connect to. If you want to know how we can work together, check out this helpful page. 

More help and inspiration for your self-matching adoption journey

Getting a little help and education along your adoption journey is going to make your self-matching journey so much easier, faster, and more affordable. Surrounding yourself with the right professionals to help you is worth its weight in gold!

They will also give you motivation and inspiration which are both really important along your journey. You need a little bit of light shining at the end of the tunnel. 

I remember the days of waiting can really feel like a train is coming dead on and you don't know when it's gonna hit you. So if you're looking for inspiration, please do go back and check out the other podcast episode, where Brittany shared her story of being matched and where she shared her story of ultimately bringing home her second child through self matching. 

I think that those positive moments of just inspiration really do help us on those dark days. You need that in this adoption journey. Friend, it's not easy. So go and seek out success stories when you're having a hard day and go seek out motivation and inspiration inside the My Adoption Coach Facebook Group, where anybody is welcome to join. I don't allow other adoption professionals or expected parents in there so that I can keep it your safe space. It’s your space to ask the tough questions, to feel the tough emotions, and to get support from others that have walked the journey or walking it every single day with you. 

If you're ready to start your self-matching journey, please join the free Facebook group, it costs you absolutely nothing. It's just a good resource because I break down these blog posts even further inside the Facebook group. 

Each week, we have a conversation around the blog posts in-depth, we ask questions, and I answer questions.  From time to time I even do a little special surprise live training. 

So make sure you head on over to the Facebook group, because I'm in there every single day, multiple times a day, answering all the questions. Remember, anything's possible with the right plan and support and I've always got your back each step of the way.

Hi, I Am Amanda

I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey