How To Get Picked By An Expectant Parent For Private Adoption

One of the questions I get asked most often is how do you actually match with an expectant parent? In fact, I would argue that this question actually keeps most hopeful adoptive parents awake most nights, at least, I know it did for me in the early stages of my adoption journey, but don't worry friend. In this blog, I'm going to walk you through a four-step process that will help you match with expectant parents faster.

First, I want to acknowledge that every adoption journey is different. There is no cookie-cutter way or a shortcut to the end that's going to bypass steps and tons of time in the adoption process. There are definitely steps and processes that you can follow that will help make your journey easier and faster and quite honestly, more affordable as well. But there are no shortcuts in the overall process. Nor do I honestly think there should be because you're on this journey for a reason. You're going to be processing emotions and learning different things all the way throughout, and those steps are important. But you can take some of those steps faster than others when you follow a proven path. 

That's the reason why I've spent over 2000 hours talking with expectant families and birth families so that I can understand the process from their perspective. I can understand what it was like for them to see a social media ad, click on it and look at someone's website in order to determine whether or not they wanted their child to be raised by this family, or by somebody else who didn't receive proper mental health services as they went throughout their adoption journey. The critical nature of having that, even worse, another birth family who can initially be connected with a hopeful adoptive family, who didn't ultimately end up living up to their agreements and their promises as it related to contact after birth. So, I've spent a lot of time really understanding the adoption process. From, you know, basically two sides of the triad, and I'm still definitely educating myself as it relates to the adoptee side of the triad, especially having two adoptees in my home. I've really spent a lot of time understanding those initial connection points, that initial phases in the journey. That's what I'm bringing here for you so that you can tap into all of that learning to make your adoption journey easier. 

When it comes to really matching with expectant families, expectant families tell me that the profile is the most critical element of that for them. That is their initial introduction to you. I often joke with my husband that, honestly the adoption profile was a hell of a lot more important than the dating profile where he initially met me. It’s the one that brought home our kiddos to us, and so that one was a lot more important to get right. But it does take time and intentionality and learning from others that have gone before you to do that. That's the reason why I created this process because we know that the profile is so critically important, that is the tool that is really going to help you get picked by an unexpected family. 

The four-step process to follow to get picked by an expectant parent faster. 

Step 1: Creating a Profile That Is Clear

The four-step process to making sure that tool is as great as you can is first creating a profile that is super clear. You might have heard me say before that if you confuse, you lose. What that means is that if your profile is confusing, then there's no additional incentive for someone to take the time to unpack that and deconstruct it on your behalf when they have a whole quote-unquote stack of other profiles in front of them. Especially if you think about the journey where maybe an expectant parent is sitting in an adoption attorney's office, and they slide across the table, you know, profile books for them. And maybe your profile book happens to be on top, and they open up that profile book, and it's some nice smiling family, and they make that initial connection. And then they turn to a page that is just full of text or full of pictures and no captions. Their brain has to do a lot of extra work to sort through the information in front of them to start to get to know you and to categorize the information. Quite honestly, when there's a stack of other profiles of families that look just as inviting and just as smiley and whatever else, then why should their brain do that extra work, especially when they're growing a human inside of them, right? Basic human instinct will say, maybe we should look to the next one. So, you want to have a profile that is super clear and super easy for someone to get to know more information about your family, that you guys like to travel, or you value education, or whatever those things might be because that begins to create an emotional connection. 

Step 2: Creating an Emotional Connection

Now, hear me when I say that you want to create an emotional connection behind who you are authentically. This is not emotionally scamming anybody or anything of that nature because you don't want to tell something that's not true about you. This is where we come into my philosophy around there being the right expectant family for the right hopeful adoptive family, because you have to share the vision of what this child's life will be like. That has to be the vision of the type of life they want this child to have, you will make that emotional connection around that shared vision. And I've been open and honest and shared that we had a disruption in our adoption. And I honestly believe it's because we didn't have an emotional connection. In our situation, the birth mom didn't want to have any sort of contact with us. And she reviewed a four-page profile that was basically just like a list of all of our favorite things, a couple of pictures, she didn't really get to know us on a deeper level. And so when she was feeling unsure about her adoption plan in the days post placement, then not having that emotional connection didn't give her any sense of comfort around what her daughter's life was going to be like. And so I can totally understand that moment of fear for these people beacuse we are strangers, and they have my child, and this is not okay. And I firmly believe that if we had had a shared vision of what life was like for her and our family, and what her life would be like growing up, and even, quite honestly, it had some sort of relationship, that we might have been able to work through those feelings together, but we didn't. So, creating an emotional connection is critical. 

Step 3: Make Sure Your Adoption Profile is Fit to Form.

The third most important thing regarding your adoption profile is making sure it is fit to form. You want to have the right type of information in each different profile element. Now, you've

probably heard me say in other videos and blogs that depending upon the different types of matching you’re using, you will need different profile elements. So, that's going to vary greatly based on the type and the adoption partner you're working with. So, an adoption attorney may have different requirements than adoption agencies. Even adoption agencies and attorneys in that kind of group of services will have different requirements as it relates to the different profiles you use. But I, again, have a system that I use with my clients, based upon all of the research that I've spoken with expectant families to really understand what profile elements they found most valuable. 

Once we know which profile elements fit that particular method of matching, we want to ensure that we have the right level of detail in that profile element. The right level of detail for a profile book or a profile website will be greatly different than maybe a brochure, a postcard, or a business card even for that matter. What you use on social media is going to be different than what you use inside of a website because you have the opportunity for more videos and more words and more pictures and different things. So, we've got to be really fit to form so that we're sharing the information that she wants to see based upon the mindset that she's in when she's looking at that different profile element. 

Step 4: Make Sure Your Profile Is Getting in Front of the RIGHT People.

The last step to ensure that you're getting picked by an expectant parent is to make sure that your profile is getting in front of the right people. Now, this is where I tap into my 20-plus years of corporate marketing experience because I understand how to get a message to the right audience. And when you're doing that, how to find them and do it really efficiently. Your opportunities here will vary based on your matching method. If you're working with an adoption agency, they may be handling this step for you and may not allow you to do it on your own. If you're working with an attorney, they may require you to do this on your own. But ultimately, what we're talking about here is either using freeways or paid ways to get your profile in front of expectant families. So, this could look like you putting up a flyer in the window of a local business or using a social media ad to get people to come to look at your adoption profile website. There are several different ways, but the key is understanding who the ideal expected family is for you and how you ultimately reach them. 

So, there you have it, the four-step process of how to get picked by an expectant parent. If you need help in this process and you really want to dive deeper into your adoption profile, then head on over to the Adoption Profile Resource. You can learn there more about the free training I have, as well as how to talk with me one on one. Remember, anything's possible with the right plan and support, and I'm here with you every single step of the way. I'll see you soon, friends.

Hi, I Am Amanda

I am an adoption profile expert on a mission to teach you how to adopt and help you create and share your family's story more affordably!