This blog post will talk about the steps you need to take to adopt a child through private domestic adoption.  I will caveat this by saying that the steps to adoption will vary slightly depending on the matching method. Still, the purpose of this article will be to focus on the process as a whole, and then once you select the type of matching that is right for your family, I would highly recommend that you read, watch, listen to the piece of content that aligns with your method of matching. 

8 Steps To Adopting A Baby Through Private Domestic Adoption

1. Choose a method of matching

2. Set a budget

3. Choose a partner

4. Home study approval

5. Create a profile

6. Share profile

7. Match

8. Finalize 

Step One: Choosing a method of matching

Picking a method to adopt is precisely as it sounds, decided between one of the five most common ways to adopt a baby domestically.  This post will not explain the differences between these methods. Still, they are: adopting from foster care, adopting via a private agency, adopting from a private adoption attorney, adopting from an adoption consultant, and self-matching your adoption.  But you can read more here on the different types of matching.  Oh, and I always recommend you get support from an adoption coach, a friend, and a mentor for your adoption journey, and you can learn more about that here.  

To pick a method of matching for your adoption, I always suggest you walk through a vision casting exercise to get very clear on what you see life like at the end of this journey. Starting with the end in mind will help you stay clear-minded throughout your adoption journey.  And when you hit those emotional moments or roadblocks in your journey, it will also give you a north star to help pull you through.

Step two: Set a budget

The budget can be the scariest part of adoption for most hopeful adoptive families. Not only do you worry about how you will pay for it, but often that becomes the determining factor in actually how you're going to match your adoption for some. And I would say Stop, stop right there. Don't let your budget be your determining factor. 

I have tons of resources and strategies to help you pay for your adoption that range from the matching method you know, grants to loans to tax credits, to savings to all kinds of things, of course, fundraisers, and you can read more about each of them via the links in this sentence or you could join the course where I teach you how to do that in detail here.

Please do not default to one type of matching if that doesn't fit the vision for your life or if you don't feel emotionally equipped to say help a child that needs help.  Your goal in the adoption process is to be the best parent you can be to these children.  

To get clear on how much it will cost, it is important that you know what the typical costs are for your type of adoption and create a hidden expense brainstorm to ensure you get a total picture.  Then it is important to create a financial plan to accomplish your goals because anything is possible with the right plan.  If you need help writing your adoption financial plan, you can get super inexpensive training here that walks you through the entire process and gives you my secret tips on applying for grants and marketing your fundraisers.  

Step Three: Choose a partner.

The next step in the eight steps is choosing a partner. First, let’s talk about what a partner is. A partner would be the agency, the consultant, the attorney, etc., that you're going to use in your adoption journey. So it is important to know what method of matching you are using. Then, you need to find the right partner for your journey.  Finding the right partner can not only help speed along your adoption process but can also help ensure you are emotionally supported in the journey as well. 

The sad truth is that this is a business to the various adoption partners, but it is a massive part of your life, so making sure you find the right partner is critical to ensure you have as smooth of a process in all aspects of your adoption journey. 

To pick the right one, I suggest that you interview them to find the best fit for you and your family.  The communication style you each use and your expectations are critical areas to align on to ensure that you are a good fit for an adoption partnership.  

You can sort through that a bit through the interview. If you want just a list of questions to ask, you can head on to the guides section of my Facebook group.

Or, if you want some additional support here, I highly suggest the How to Adopt course, where I break everything down step-by-step via videos, pdfs, worksheets and help you through each step of the process.  

Step Four: Home study approval

I feel like anytime I type home study approval, I should type some scary noise at the end. Because it is the two things that people get the most concerned about. It's usually how am I going to pay for my adoption? What in the world is a home study? And how do I do that? And then what is life like at the end of the story? Those are like the three top questions that I get every single day. And I just want you to know as it relates to home study, don't be scared, like take a deep breath, do all of your like channeling your best calm exterior exercises, because a home study is not as scary as it sounds. 

As with the entire adoption process, it will take work. And you will have to be precise in the paperwork you fill out because there is a mountain of paperwork. But it is important that you just take a deep breath and process it one step at a time. There are three steps to the home study process: background checks, including a mountain of paperwork, the home safety check, and the interview.  

In the background checks and mountain of paperwork, you're have everything from really focusing on like your clearances from a state and federal statute perspective to make sure that you've not harmed anybody, that you don't have felonies, things of that nature, because those will disqualify you from adopting. The next thing within the background checks typically is social and medical history, so you will likely have to get a letter from your doctor saying you have a reasonable life expectancy.  You're also typically going to provide things like your most recent paycheck stubs, you know the proof of homeownership, or that you know, you have a mortgage or rental and things of that nature, gouache provide a couple of years tax returns. And I know that all of these things sound foreign, and maybe a little upsetting to think you have to give these things. But do remember that it's coming from a place of love and concern for the child, and it has nothing to do with you. And you must remember that everything in his adoption journey is about providing the best possible home for this child. And it is not an attack on you. It is not to say that you're not a good person or that you're suspicious or anything of that nature. 

So if feelings of doubt or self-worth or lack of self-worth start to creep into this journey for you, I would just take a minute to like recenter yourself on your vision for the end of this journey and making sure that you're focusing on the child and not on you. 

The next step in the home study process would be the Home Inspection itself. In a home inspection itself, you're going to make sure that the home is safe enough for a child to come into now. Are they going if you're adopting a newborn infant? Are they going to come into your home and be able to crawl over and put their finger in the light socket or the outlet of the wall? No, but it is their job to make sure that you understand how the chemicals are locked up so that they can't accidentally drink bleach or make sure the stairs are safe. There's a whole list of things that they'll be checking for from a safety perspective. 

If you want a list of what they will be looking for, you can check out the Facebook group, but if you wish to help prepare for the actual interview itself, I would suggest checking out the course. In the interview, will be they just asking you questions about raising a child who has been adopted, what your ideas are, as it relates to sharing that with them? What are your perspectives on punishments, and parenting styles, and things of that nature? And that is something that I walk my clients through on a one-to-one basis, very specifically because getting ready for an interview can be nerve-wracking. And so, you must do your due diligence upfront on just thinking through how you would answer a question so that you feel confident and calm during the interview. Now, I'm not coaching you on what to say. I’m coaching you through the different things to think through related to the questions you're going to ask so that you feel calmer, and then they just ask centered going into that meeting. I know that that helped my husband a lot when we went through the process is that I just kind of did some research as to what would be the questions they would ask because he likes to prepare in advance where I tend to be a little bit more comfortable on just like answering on the fly and, and being okay with that he wanted to prepare. So that is now a service offered to others just in case it's something you need.  You can find out more about my 1:1 coaching here.

Step Five: Create a profile

Okay, now, let's move on to step number five of eight, creating your profile. Now, this is incredibly critical. Nobody ever told my husband this. This is like the most important first date you're ever going to get, friend. So being very clear as to who you are as a family. And communicating that in a way that she can understand is critical of importance. I cannot underscore that more. We were fortunate that I have a degree in journalism and that I work in Marketing for a living. So that helped us, and that enabled us to match faster. 

I coach my clients through my course that walks you through how to create a profile and how to create it in a way that no matter her learning style, she can hear about you, again, very little about the adoption process is actually about you, friend, it is more about those that you're interacting with.  It is about what you're preparing for the end of this journey. You are ready to raise a human being at the end of this journey. You must treat their birth parents, their biological parents, their first parents, whatever terminology you feel most comfortable using, with a considerable level of respect because she is making a tremendous sacrifice. 

It is really important that she clearly understand who you are. If she's dealing with many emotions, she's likely experiencing some version of trauma by making this decision. And so you've got to communicate clearly who you are in a way that she can receive in a way that her body can process as well. So there's no marketing Voodoo at work here. It's all based upon the basic principles of NLP and how people learn and help people take information in and process it. NLP is neuro-linguistic programming, and that is basically how your body and your brain works at the most fundamental levels of human psychology. So it's understanding how that works, then clearly communicating who you authentically are through that. Again, that's something that I teach my clients how to do via my course. 

You must create a fantastic profile because that's what's going to help you match faster. That’s what's going to help you match easier. That's also what is more likely to result in a positive match versus a disruption.  Don’t get me wrong, disruptions will happen, and disruptions are commonplace in the adoption process. We'll talk about that more in another video. But being clear on who you are will lead to fewer disruptions. So clearly communicate your family’s story. 

Step Six: Share profile

Number six sharing your profile. Now, depending upon how you're matching, this is going to look very different for you. If you are matching through self-matching, it's your job to get your profile in front of as many eyeballs as possible because you never know where that opportunity will come from. Now, there are tons of matching sites out there that offer this service. But you only want your profile in front of qualified eyeballs to quote what a qualified audience is marketing speak for someone considering adoption. That can be a downfall of some of these matching sites and services and things? So be careful to understand how you're going to share your profile and who it is your intended audience. And are they receiving your profile? 

No matter which route you're matching that is the most critical question I would ask and dig into.  If you are using an agency partner, for instance, am I creating a profile that I feel really good that she can clearly and authentically know who we are, then are you sharing it in a way that gets me X number of views on my profile a month X number of contacts.  Be specific around how you're sharing it and who will be seeing it to understand it, and that you are getting in front of the right audience? 

I hate to say that it is kind of a numbers game. But it is to some degree because you have to have enough exposure on your profile to even become in the consideration set for any expectant parent. And if an expected parent considering placing adoption doesn't see your profile, you can't even get off the ground, right? You can't get past the ground floor into a conversation. So who and how you're sharing your profile is important. I always encourage my clients, where it is legal from a self-matching perspective, to share it themselves, even if they're working with an agency. 

When you are sharing your profile yourself, you want to share it both in real life and in digital formats as well. If you want to learn more about that, you can click to read here. Or jump on over to the Facebook group. I'm always there answering questions.

Step Seven: Match

Step number seven is matching. This step is focused on pregnancy verification and ensuring that you're a good fit for both parties. So again, depending upon the method of matching that you're choosing, pregnancy verification will be handled by your attorney, your agency, partner, etc., or via you connecting the expectant mother to an attorney if you are self-matching. 

But basically, the first step in the matching process is to ensure that you are indeed matching with someone pregnant. Whether or not they intend to place their child is still open for conversation right now. But you want to make sure that they are indeed pregnant so that you can avoid scams. Typically if you push for a pregnancy verification and they refuse to have a conversation with an attorney, this is the best red flag and indicator that you need t move on to another conversation.

The next step here in this matching phase is making sure that you're a good fit. Now, this is very tricky. And this is something that, honestly, I coach my clients daily to ensure that you each are a good fit for each other and fulfill what she is looking for at the other end of this journey for this child. And that that is something that you want to feel authentic to you. 

Just making it up for the sake of the post here, if she has requirements that she wants to see this child every week for the next 18 years, but yet you live across the country, that's probably not a good fit unless one of you are willing to move to the other. You're not going to be able to fulfill that requirement. That's an extreme example. I know, friend, but just trying to give you an example. Do to make sure you're a good fit. And again, this is something we can work through together if you need help there. Some basic common sense prevails in most cases, but as long as honesty is your guiding post and you keep working the steps, one of the opportunities will result in a finalized adoption.

Step Eight: Finalize 

Okay, step number eight is finalization. Finalization comes down to two areas as well. The first would be the revocation period. This is the amount of time that the expected parents, who become called the birth parents at the time of birth, have to change their mind one. They can choose to place or not decide to place. This varies by state and by circumstance. I am not an attorney by any means. Make sure that no matter which method you're matching, self-matching, agency, consultant, etc., that you have an Adoption Attorney. If you're matching with an agency or consultant, they're going to have an attorney that they're going to have you use. But you want to clearly understand each opportunity put in front of you or that you're considering that you understand the revocation period. 

If you haven't heard my story, I had a disruption. We didn't understand the revocation period, and we might have made different decision decisions on the front side of that adoption, had we understood the revocation period differently? So this is something you want to understand the next step in finalization. And the final step is the final hearing. 

Typically, again, this will vary state by state, but this is going to happen anywhere from five days to six months after your actual revocation period. This allows the state to follow up to ensure that you're doing what you're supposed to do to raise this child in a safe and loving manner effectively. Again, every state is a little bit different here. So you must do your due diligence with your attorney to understand the revocation period and the hearing so that you know when the process is final and the adoption is legal. 

Okay, there, there you have it. I know that was so much, eight steps, and I tried to cram it in as fast as I could. We made it to the eighth step! Again, I know this was a lot of information, but I hope you found this really valuable friend. I trust that you found this valuable today.

If you have any questions at all, or if you're interested in working with me to one, I give you the overview through the course that I offer on how to adopt. Still, I give you each section of the eight that we talked about in much more granular detail, complete with exercises, PDFs, and one-to-one conversations with me to help you through each of the steps of adoption. I have options where you can see the entire process, or if you already know which method of matching you want to dive into, you can dive into just those particular swimlanes, if you will, to walk through the step-by-step process. So if you're interested in learning more about that, please click on the link below. And otherwise, friend, I hope to see you around soon. And as always, remember I've got your back with a step-by-step process and support you need in your adoption journey.

Hi, I Am Amanda

I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey