When first starting your adoption journey you might feel a bit overwhelmed at all the options there are to adopt a child, or you might not be familiar with all the options that exist.  In this article we are going to dive deeper into private adoption via a private attorney.  

Before you dive deep into the options I really encourage you to ensure you have completed the vision exercise so that you can quickly sift through these options to find the one that matches the vision you/your partner have for the journey ahead.  If you have not done this refer to the link below to grab your free guide or if you are feeling stuck here schedule a free call so I can help you remove this roadblock.  

Just a refresher on how we look at the adoption options.  The Options to Adopt break into three main categories, we will discuss each one in detail in various articles on this site but here is a quick overview:

1. Adopt a baby that you carry

2. Adopt an infant

3. Adopt an Older Child
   
   
   

Options to Adopt an Infant

Adopting an infant has multiple options as well: international adoption, foster care, private agency, and private attorney. Each option has its own set of requirements, risks, timeline and different cost structures but the goal of all is to adopt an infant. For the purposes of this article we will focus on the private agency path to adopt an infant, but you can check back to this blog for more information on the other paths to adopt an infant. 

4 Ways to Adopt an Infant:

1. Adopting an Infant Internationally

2. Adopting an Infant Through Foster Care

3. Adopting an Infant with a Private Agency

4. Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney

Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney Overview

Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney is moderately challenging to achieve depending on the attorney you partner with to adopt a baby. The timeline with private attorneys tends to be a bit longer as they do not have the advertising reach to work with birth mothers that are placing their children for adoption. In fact, many private attorneys will tell you to try to find a birth mother yourself, typically through social media or working with local OBGYNs to make them aware of your desire to adopt. No matter which route you get matched with a child you will need a private attorney to make it legal. This route typically costs about $5-20K depending on the birth parents’ situation and the laws in the state where finalization of the adoption will occur. This option tends to have the least amount of risk-sharing, meaning if there is a disruption of any kind the investment is typically lost.

The process of adopting an infant with a Private Attorney

• Attorney interview: during this step you would have a conference call or in-person meeting with the attorney to get a better understanding of the overall process and requirements

  
  

• Paperwork phase: each agency will have a mountain of paperwork for you to complete which typically includes previous years taxes, medical statements from doctors, reference letters from friends and family, questionnaires on what type of adoption opportunities you are open to, pre-adoption contact preferences and post finalization contact preferences.  The list varies dramatically depending on the agency but they should be able to give you a step-by-step checklist of what you are to complete.

  
  

• Home study phase: during this phase, you will be paired with a social worker in your state that will physically come to your home to inspect that it is safe enough for a baby.  While it may sound absurd you will need to ensure that your home is childproof at this stage. Typically, you do not need to have a nursery set up but need to have plans of where you will pace a nursery.  Again, here the agency will have a detailed checklist that you must adhere to, so it is important that you complete that list perfectly in order to be approved. Typically, this home study visit will include an interview where they will ask you questions about how you parent the child.  The questions typically include what life will be like with you on a daily basis, your family history growing up, etc. These background questions will feel unnecessary but it is important so that they can create an overview of what life will be like in your home.  

  
  

• Profile building phase: during this phase, you will be asked to create a profile of your family that can be shown to potential birth families to help them get to know you better.  This phase is critical as it helps the birth families narrow down their options and ultimately pick a family to speak to and ultimately choose for placement.  We will go deeper into how to do this effectively in another article on this blog so check back for more details. If you need help today in this step please email me directly at amanda@myadoptioncoach.com and I can help you today.  

  
  

• Matching phase: once your profile is ready to be shared with birth families you are considered to be a “live” family.  This means you can take the placement of a child at any time. Typically, the agency will call you and go over each opportunity with you.  You will get a review of the medical situation, the communication preferences of the birth family, and the financial requirements that need to be met for each opportunity.  Once you agree to these requirements you will typically be put into contact with the birth family.

  
  

• Pre-Birth Communication phase: depending on the timeline of this particular opportunity this phase may not happen.  It will also come down to the communication preferences of the birth family that you agreed to in the previous phases.  However, if you do get the opportunity to get to know the birth family cherishes it as it is truly a special time. During this time take detailed notes of your conversation as these will be details you can fill in for your child as they grow up.  While you don’t want to seem like you are interviewing them, it is important to ask the things that you would like to be able to share to paint a picture of who they are like and what their life was like growing up. What do they love, not love, and what are some of those personality traits that make them be the amazing person they are today?  Again, be careful not to dig too much but this might the only communication you have so asked the questions you want to be able to answer for your child as they grow. 

  
  

• Hospital phase: this step will vary dramatically by opportunity.  You may get the opportunity to be there for the birth or not, or you may even get the opportunity to be in the room though that is very rare.  This will be something that you will get a little bit more insight into when the agency presents the opportunity to you. It is important to remember that emotions will be running high for both sides and the hospital staff will always err on the side of the birth family because legally that is who is in charge until finalization occurs.  Ensuring that you adhere to any agreements that were in place prior to this phase is critical to ensure the placement continues to run smoothly. Be in open regular communication with your agency about what is going on and with any questions you have. While this is a joyous moment for your family, it can be rather sad for the birth family.  Communicating with honesty, respect, and love during this time is key.

  
  

• ICPC: each state has a different set of rules to be followed during this time, and in fact, you cannot leave the state to return to your home state until you clear what is called the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC).  This is basically an agreement between the states to take responsibility for your adhering to the birth states’ guidelines for adopting the child. The home state of the child must accept responsibility before you can go home. Luckily the agency will handle the paperwork side of things because at this point you will be caring for an infant but this process can take a few days or even a few weeks.  It is important that you be ready to care for an infant for up to a few weeks in this type of situation. If you need our tips to do accomplish this please email me at amanda@myadoptioncoach.com and I will share our checklist for making this phase as painless as possible.  Once you clear ICPC you can go home and await the actual finalization.

  
  

• Finalization phase: typically, during this phase, there are 1-2 more visits from your social worker to ensure everyone is adjusting to their new environment and routine.  These visits will also conclude the final home inspections. Often times the social worker will require to see where the child is sleeping and that they have a bed of their own.  It is important to ask the social worker what their expectations are as you oftentimes won’t have the nursery completed at this stage. Most of the time as long as they have a bassinet and a room that they will be living in full-time that will allow you to pass this stage, though it is important to verify their expectations so you don’t have any hiccups in the final report. Once the final reports are submitted from the social worker you can proceed to the legal finalization.

  
  

• Court Day: this is the day that everything becomes legal!  Depending on the situation this could be done in person or over the phone.  Most of the time if you are finalizing in the birth state this will be done via a conference call with the judge attorneys.  Don’t be surprised if this takes around 30 minutes max, which seems so strange given how long the rest of the process has taken and the importance of this step.  If you get the opportunity to do this in person it is always fun to have photographs taken to remember this moment with your child as they grow.   
  
  To recap there are 7 Ways to Adopt A Child to choose from and in this article we focused on Private Agency adoption: 

• Embryo Adoption

• Adopting an Infant Internationally

• Adopting an Infant Through Foster Care

• Adopting an Infant with a Private Agency

• Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney

• Adopting an Older Child Internationally 

• Adopting an Older Child from Foster Care

Now that you are more familiar with the private agency options the next step is to review the other 6 options and pick a path that matches your vision for your life.  And if you haven’t done my vision casting exercise make sure to head back to sign up to receive the Steps to Adoption free download to work through the vision casting exercise. 

I know that picking a path from these options can be confusing and overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be.  Let’s work together through your adoption process. You need someone that will be in your corner each step of the way.  If you are interested in learning more, you can schedule a free call.

Remember you can do this, and I have your back, because after all, anything is achievable with a plan and support. 

Hi, I Am Amanda

I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey