The adoption process can be so overwhelming and confusing when you are first starting your journey but I believe it doesn’t have to be.  I created a 3 step process to help support you on your journey to adopt a baby.

1. Define Your Journey

2. Tell Your Story

3. Become a Mother

Before diving right into Private Attorney FAQ let’s review the total landscape of options to adopt a child.  All of which have been covered on this blog in both a deep dive and a frequently asked questions format in other posts for your reference.  If you want the deep dive delivered to your inbox you can get it delivered to you here.

There are 7 Ways to Adopt a Child:

1. Embryo Adoption

2. Adopting an Infant Internationally

3. Adopting an Infant Through Foster Care

4. Adopting an Infant with a Private Agency

5. Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney

6. Adopting an Older Child Internationally 

7. Adopting an Older Child from Foster Care

Commonly asked questions about Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney:

• Cost to Adopt an Infant with a Private Attorney: this can run from $5K to $50K depending on the situation, though most private adoption opportunities are in the $20-40K range.  It is important that you set a budget and communicate that to your attorney upfront so that you are only shown opportunities within your budget. 

• What type of contact is required after placement: this highly depends on your own preferences and the birth family preferences.  Again, this is something you are clear with in your vision casting exercise upfront and pick an adoption situation that will help you achieve this in your final placement opportunity

• What is open adoption: you have regularly agreed upon contact and/or visits after finalization.  There is typically a guideline that is established by the attorney and you work to reach an agreement with the birth mother.  Some common industry practices are one time before the age of five and twice between the ages of 5-18.  

• What is semi open adoption: contact through the attorney or some other third party attorney is typically referred to as semi open adoption.  This could come in the form of letter exchange, contact via social media, or simple updates to the attorney that they pass along for you to the birth family. 

• What is closed adoption: the simplest way to think about this no contact of any sort, even through the attorney.  A truly closed adoption is very rare these days.

• What if we find each other through social media: social media has truly added a whole new dimension to the adoption process as it has reduced one's capability to remain 100% anonymous in this process.  Interacting with respect in all areas of communication is key to a successful adoption situation and social media is no different. Ensuring you are living to the agreed upon methods of communication is the best way to honor the agreement you made during the matching process.  

• How do you pick a type of contact: this comes back to the vision exercise you wrote at the start of this journey.  It is also important to imagine in detail what the conversation will be like with your child when they ask questions (or if they do) and ensure you are picking a path that will enable the type of conversation you will feel most comfortable with when/if that day comes

• Timeline to Adopt an Infant with a Private Attorney: this varies dramatically based on the attorney and how restrictive you are on certain medical issues.  Typical timeline quotes are 1-5 years based on all of these factors.

• What information can I find out about the child before delivery: the medical records of the pregnancy and the health of the baby are all things that can be shared with you prior to accepting a match.  It is important that you only agree to situations that you feel equipped to parent, this would include the questions that cannot be answered about the child’s health due to lack of information. Your attorney will help guide you through these questions and what can typically be seen on an ultrasound, blood work and doctor visits.  

• Can I be present in the delivery room: this is something that will entirely be up to the birth mother.  The typical situation is that you are present down the hall in another room and the baby is brought to you after birth.  It could be immediately after birth or much later depending on the desires of the birth mother. This is something that can be tentatively sketched out prior to the hospital time but in the end is a decision that the birth mother can change in the moment.  
  

• Can I adopt a child from another state: yes, you can adopt a child from another state and that is the most common situation in private adoption.  Each attorney will be licensed to work in particular states and that will dictate the opportunities you are shown. It is important that you understand what the laws are in each of the states they are licensed in to ensure you are comfortable with the requirements you will need to meet.  

• What is ICPC:  Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children (ICPC) is basically an agreement between the states to take responsibility for your adhering to the birth states guidelines for adopting the child.  The home state of the child must accept responsibility before you can go home. Luckily the attorney will handle the paperwork side of things because at this point you will be caring for an infant but this process can take a few days or even a few weeks.  It is important that you be ready to care for an infant for up to a few weeks in this type of situation. Once you clear ICPC you can go home.

• Will I be allowed to care for the child in the hospital: typically you are physically allowed to care for the child in the hospital if the birth mother gives approval.  Your attorney should work out with the hospital if they will allow you to have a private room with the baby or if the baby will be required to stay in the nursery. A good tip for this time is to become best friends with the hospital staff and the nurses on duty.  Remember you are an extra burden to them outside of the normal process of a “regular” delivery. An extra dose of kindness and gratitude often goes a long way in these situations.  

• What medical decisions will I be allowed to make and when: until finalization of the adoption the birth mother or the attorney are legally the guardians of this child and thus all decisions are up to them unless they defer to you.  It is best to create a game plan prior to hospital time on how common decisions will be made. Having everyone’s wishes in writing will allow the hospital to feel comfortable in you communicating what was agreed to and executing those wishes.  

• How to pick an attorney: picking an attorney is a very important step in the process as they will be your partner in this super crazy journey ahead.  It is important to know their communication style, their preferred work style, their process, and their fees. I also believe you need to gel well together because you are going to have a long emotional road ahead and you need to feel comfortable with them as your partner in what is to come. 

• Pros/Cons to Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney: while there are certainly better attorneys than others the pros for choosing an attorney would be their communication with the birth families, having a proven step by step program that you follow, and their past success record.  The cons for choosing an attorney would be costs, requirements, timelines.  

• Risk Sharing: It is important that you clearly understand the risks with working with the attorney and within each potential placement opportunity that is shared with you.  Some agencies guarantee a certain amount of your investment where others do not. Be sure to ask all of those questions during the attorney interview stage and again at each placement opportunity presentation.

To recap there are 7 Ways to Adopt A Child to choose from and in this article we focused on Private Agency Adoption Frequently Asked Questions: 

• Embryo Adoption

• Adopting an Infant Internationally

• Adopting an Infant Through Foster Care

• Adopting an Infant with a Private Agency

• Adopting an Infant with a Private Attorney

• Adopting an Older Child Internationally 

• Adopting an Older Child from Foster Care

Now that you are more familiar with the private agency options the next step is to review the other 6 options and pick a path that matches your vision for your life.  And if you haven’t done my vision casting exercise make sure to head back to sign up to receive the Steps to Adoption free download to work through the vision casting exercise. 

I know that picking a path from these options can be confusing and overwhelming, but it doesn’t have to be.  Let’s work together through your adoption process. You need someone that will be in your corner each step of the way.  If you are interested in learning more, you can schedule a free call.

Remember you can do this, and I have your back, because after all, anything is achievable with a plan and support. 

Hi, I Am Amanda

I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey