The Adoption Self-Matching Process Revocation and Finalization
The Adoption Self-Matching Process Revocation and Finalization
This blog talks about the exciting part of the adoption journey, where the baby is born, and what you do next. This part is phase four, and like the other phases I've talked about so far, we will talk about three steps within phase four.
Step One: Revocation & Finalization
The first step of phase four of self-matching adoption is revocation and finalization. Let's break down what those words mean. Revocation is when the expected family has to change their mind about placing the child for adoption, and that period varies dramatically. It can be 48 hours after birth in some states, and in other states, it can be 60 days after birth. The situations do vary. For example, if the child is Native American, you have to go through ICWA, the Indian Child Welfare Welfare Act, which is a policy that means both tribes have to approve, and you have to go through the revocation period for that state. Another example is if you're in the state that the child was born in was a 30-day revocation, you would stay there for 30 days, then the adoption actually couldn't be finalized until both tribes approved and revocation had passed. In some states, they allow those things to run simultaneously, and in some states, they don't. If you are adopting a child of Native American descent, make sure you use an adoption attorney with experience with Native American adoption because they will be highly specialized in that field.
Now that we've talked about revocation let's look at finalization. Finalization is the period in which the adoption becomes final, and the child legally becomes your child. During this time, you will typically have requirements from your home state for finalization that will typically include post-placement visits. During these visits, they want to come and see that the child is doing well in your home, the child is thriving in your home, and see how you're adjusting to becoming a family. Then the social worker will write those home visit reports up, and they become part of the file that gets shared with the judge whenever you go for the finalization hearing. During these visits, they're looking for records of how the child is doing and how you're interacting as a family. Some states require physical visits, and other states allow phone calls also to be part of the visit. Some states require one visit, and other states require three visits. It is all governed by the state law that you're in. The last step of the finalization period is going to court. During this time, you are the legal guardian of the child and not the child's parent, if you will, in the eyes of the government.
Step Two: Post Placement Support
The second step of phase four is post-placement support, which is a step that is often overlooked. I didn't even know this was a step until we were well into the finalization phase of our first adoption. During my adoption journey, this wasn't part of my research; I had just researched what happened up until placement. So when our social worker mentioned it, it caught me a little bit by surprise. There are resources that I would highly suggest that you research on your own that support not only you but also the expectant families. If you're matching with an agency attorney, or maybe even a consultant, they will have resources, like counseling and other support services to surround the expected family. Now, birth family, because the child has been born to surround the birth family. I encourage you to think through what type of support would be appropriate and helpful for the birth family.
From a hopeful adoptive parent perspective, you also need post-placement support. If you haven't fully dealt with grief or infertility loss that you might have experienced, then seek the appropriate level of support you need. This period is also where you could have postpartum depression from the adoption journey. It can often be triggered or set into play through your infertility journey. Once the adoption finalizes, it could be something that really can happen to you, so be mindful of it and seek out support resources.
Step Three: Parenting an Adopted Child
The final step of phase four is parenting an adopted child. Now, I believe that you should communicate that the child is adopted in age-appropriate ways, from the very first moment that they enter your arms, they should know, and it should not be a big surprise that they're adopted. I am not a parenting expert, but there are tons of resources for you on these topics. I never tell you how to parent other than to parent with openness, connection, and be genuine about this child's story. I have been in too many situations where I've seen the hurt that can come from the lies of not sharing this child's whole story with them. I encourage you to think about the long term here. Again, the first thing is to tell them that they're adopted in age-appropriate ways, and I encourage you to do your research and figure out what works best for your family.
The next thing I would suggest for parenting an adopted child is to grow and educate yourself intentionally in this space. Try to always do it one to two steps ahead of where your child is developmentally so that you are ready for what's happening. Now, I'm not saying that you need to specifically only look at Adoptive Parent Resources, but instead, you need to have a mixture of resources in your arsenal. You need to decide what type of parenting style you will use. You will also want to know your parenting style and figure that out.
Next, you need to understand how to parent an adopted child. Consider the appropriate language that you will be using. Think through how you make it a regular part of your everyday family and life. Also, think about being prepared for those big questions that come up as they grow older. It may not seem like a big deal now, but then you're going to walk into a doctor's office, and someone will ask you a question. You're not going to know the answer, then you're going to go to school, and the kids are going to start talking about a year like preschool, and the kids are going to start talking about babies being in mommy's belly, and this child didn't come from your belly. It's all about understanding age-appropriate things and being prepared for those that are all going to help you in the long run.
It will help you see it from their perspective while leaving your baggage at the door. Often, your children will ask you a question, and you'll find yourself responding to them like they're a mini adult and giving them a matter-of-fact answer. But what you need to do is stop and think about the question they're asking. Consider what they are asking and seek to understand what they're trying to understand. Then answer it genuinely and honestly while leaving your baggage at the door. I say leaving your baggage at the door intentionally because what I find with a lot of those in my community that have walked through this journey is that when we get into this phase, some of us can feel a little triggered and defensive about the questions about our children's first families. Let me tell you, first and foremost, friend, I know it is hard. I know that in your mind, this child is your child, and that sometimes those questions can hurt your heart just a little bit, that they are perfectly within their right to want to understand the entire universe. Therefore a world that includes their first families, no matter how connected they are or not. So make sure that you're leaving your baggage at the door and deal with your own stuff. See a therapist, talk to a friend, check out resources, and educate yourself proactively. That is the best thing that you can do when it comes to parenting an adopted child.
Resources for Your Self-Matching Adoption
I want you to understand that the best thing you can do from an overall journey perspective is to be prepared for every step that comes along in your adoption journey, and parenting an adopted child is one of those steps. I trust that you found this incredibly valuable, and if you haven't checked out the free resource that I have for you, please do. It will walk you through the self-matching or independent adoption journey step by step. If you are ready for the next level, I suggest that you check out my course, The Ultimate Guide to Self-matching Your Adoption. You will get videos on each step within each individual phase of the overall self-matching journey within that course. There are all kinds of different resources inside of that, and if you are self-matching her adoption, my clients tell me it is indispensable to walk you through it. Remember, friend, no matter what type of support you get through your adoption journey, you are worthy of support, and I am here with you every step of the way. Feel free to reach out to me in the Facebook Group with any questions about this phase of your self-matching adoption.
Hi, I Am Amanda
I am an adoption profile expert on a mission to help you create and share your family's story more affordably!
