The Private Adoption Process

Want to learn how to adopt a baby through private adoption in 2023? Well, stick around because in this blog, I am walking you through the entire private adoption process step-by-step! This is one of those blogs you will want to take notes on because I will give you the process and a few extra special tips here and there too. 

Research the different types of adoption

There are so many different types of adoption, anything from foster care and international adoption to surrogacy and embryo adoption. There are also more traditional adoption types that people often think about, like adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, adoption consultants, and then even self-matching, which can also go by a zillion different names like private adoption, independent adoption, and identified adoption. But all of these different routes of adoption each have their processes, and each has a different set of criteria, which would make it the right or the wrong type of adoption for you. The very first thing you need to do before you do anything else really is to understand the differences between those types of adoption and choose which one is best for you. 

Research adoption laws in your state

Before you make that choice, you need to understand the laws in your state. It’s important to understand what is legal because no federal laws apply to every single part of the adoption process. State law steps in and governs the adoption process in the States. So, it's important that you know that in some States, you can self-match, and in others, you can't. In some States, you can use what's called an adoption facilitator or maybe even a consultant; in some States, you can’t. So, you want to make sure you understand what is legal in your State before you choose what path is right for you.

Determine what method of matching you're going to use → pathway

The third step is you've got to determine which method of matching is right for you ultimately. Obviously, you can't do that until you understand all of the nuances of each different type of adoption and the laws in your state. I have a vision casting exercise that helps me walk through and choose between those different types of adoption. So, if you need help with that my friend, check out my Determine Your Method of Private Adoption Matching Resource. And there's a simple, easy tool there that will help you walk through that process so that you can determine which one is right for you. 

Determine how you're going to pay for your adoption

Once you've determined which one is right for you, you're going to move on to the fourth step, which is financial planning for your adoption. I know this is likely the step that keeps everybody up at night. We think of this gigantic number and have no idea how we will achieve that number. And sometimes, it can even paralyze us into not deciding which type of adoption is right for us, even worse than actually not moving forward with the adoption process at all. So, I want you to hear me say when it comes to financial planning there are simple ways to break down that big scary number into manageable bite-sized chunks. You have to do this work in the right order, because the last thing you want to do is to say, I'm ready to move forward with an agency adoption and keep kind of paying for the fees or the this or that as I get ready and to that, you know, method of matching, and then you're ready to go live, but yet, you don't have all of the other funds saved, and they present you an opportunity. Well, you can't move forward with that opportunity until you can, you know, afford to pay for that opportunity. So, you don't want to be caught in that type of situation, my friend. So again, there are some easy, simple ways of deconstructing the number that you need to reach. You can think about savings, you can think about grants, and fundraisers, maybe picking up some side hustles. Just think of different things to help you walk through that to meet your number. And, of course, I have a financial planning tool that I use with my one-to-one clients, where again, we just eat that elephant one bite at a time so that we can reach the goal of where they need to be to pay for their adoption.

Pick your adoption partners

Once you've determined how you're going to pay for your adoption, you're going to move on to picking your adoption partners. What this means is you're going to decide based on the method of matching, I'm going to work with an adoption attorney, and I'm going to go start interviewing adoption attorneys. Or based on this type of method of matching, I'm going to work with an adoption agency, and I'm going to start interviewing adoption agencies. I will say that oftentimes my clients will kind of do the financial planning and the interviewing at the same time so that we can get an idea of what the expenditures are going to be with those particular partners that they're considering so that we have an accurate financial plan. And we update that as we go along. But the other aspect of really ensuring that you're picking the right partner is finding someone that you can trust, that you feel comfortable with, that is a professional in this space, that has experience in this space, they can help you through whatever it is you need help with. Some partners might look like an agency, an attorney or a consultant. Still, other partners might be support services for yourself or for your expected family as it relates to things, such as mental health services. That is something that's important and is often overlooked. You might need help from an adoption profile expert (like me!) to help you create the story of your family to share with expectant families. So again, they're different partners that you're going to need. And it's important to understand all those different partners and how that attaches to the different methods of matching so that you can research to find the right one. 

Becoming home study approved

Once you've found the right adoption partner, you will move forward into the home study phase. Aside from paying for the adoption, a home study is one of the other kind of three triggering spots, quite honestly, in the adoption journey, because it feels like someone's passing judgment on you. And I get it, my friend, I remember being just honestly scared out of my mind when it came to the adoption home study process. And it was like, someone would come in with a white glove and expect by baseboards. And then she's going to ask me all of these tough and difficult questions, and I don't know how to answer them properly, and all of these things. But I want you to hear me say, it's okay, they are human. They recognize the humanity in us as well. There are three phases to the adoption home study process. The first is what I lovingly call mount paperwork. You have a mountain of paperwork; this is where we, as adoptive parents, deliver our poundage as it relates to the baby. People often say I delivered a 10-pound baby, and I'm like crying I delivered 30 pounds of paperwork. The second phase is the home inspection and interview. They come to your house, and they're trying to make sure that things are safe and that the baby's not going to fall down a flight of stairs or into a pool or be able to stick their finger in a light socket, you know, those types of basic things. They're also going to want to discuss with you how you intend to parent, how you intend to care for a baby afterward, and whether you have processed any grief as it relates to infertility are other things that might have brought you to adoption, if that's part of your story. Then the third phase will be once the baby is home. There will be post-placement visits between the time baby comes home from the hospital and before the actual finalization period. Home study is not as bad as we all fear. 

Learn what profile types you need for your adoption

The next step is to learn what types of adoption profiles are needed based on your method of matching. If you are working with an agency, they might require a physical profile book, which might be the only thing you're allowed to provide. But there are other ways that you can connect with people emotionally, outside of just the written word, that we can always sneak into your book, of course, fully meeting all their rules. But there are other creative ways to help you stand out, depending on what matching method you're using and what profile type is appropriate for that. If you're working with an agency, they might require a profile book, or they might have the opportunity for like three paragraphs on their website. They might even let you send out like a little brochure about your family. If you're working with a consultant, they're pretty much going to want some digital methods and some physical methods so that they can be able to provide your profile, whatever format that you might end up meeting based upon that agency or attorney that they ultimately end up recommending you to do. If you're working with an attorney, they will likely want a profile book and a website. They're also going to want you to have social media, a website, and maybe some other physical adoption collateral that they can share with people who come into their office. 

Creating and sharing your profile

Each different type of matching is going to require its own different type of profile. And then once you determine what type of profile you need, you need to move into the creating your profile stage, which is the next step. You need to deeply understand how to make an emotional connection with your intended audience. So, expectant parents, when they're looking at your profile, now, you don't want this to be manipulative, you don't want this to be inauthentic. Instead, what you want to do is tell your authentic story of your family in a really clear fashion so that it makes it easier and faster for them to get to know you. I firmly believe that there are the right expectant parents for the right hopeful adoptive parents and that there are true matches for each. You want to enable expectant parents to go through profiles quickly, so that they can determine whether or not they're interested in learning more about you and whether or not you make that first initial connection. What you don't want to happen is a disruption to happen in the adoption, you know, kind of matching phase before or after the baby's born. Because ultimately, they don't feel comfortable with you because they don't know you, or there are a million other reasons why disruption can happen. Hear me say that, and I recognize that for sure. But there is definitely a comfort level that needs to be created between hopeful adoptive families and expectant families. And that only happens when you use the right type of information for each different profile type. So, if you have a profile book or a website, those will be a little bit longer form and tell a little bit more about your story in a deeper fashion. And kind of one click back from that, within your social media accounts, you're not going to be able to tell quite as much about yourself and your family through social media account one just because it doesn't organize easily and cleanly. You need to understand what method of matching needs, what type of different profiles, and then once you determine that, then what type of information you need in that profile to make that emotional connection for someone to actually move with you into the next stage, which is where you are matching and finalizing your adoption. 

Matching and finalizing your adoption

Depending upon the type of method of matching that you're using, that matching process is going to look entirely different. It might look like someone working through one of your adoption partners from a communication perspective, the expected family may only be talking to your agency, attorney, consultant, etc. Or they may be talking directly to you, or there may be some combination inbetween. But in this phase of the adoption process, that's where you're talking with expectant families, we're making plans to place his child for adoption and babies born, and we're working through the legal steps of kind of that process all the way up to finalization. 

Looking for additional help with your adoption?

Each different type or method of matching is going to have different impacts on each of those steps, as it relates to the process that you need to follow. And you don't want to follow them out of order because that's going to cost you time. And quite honestly, it could cost you a bunch of money especially if you go and do something like getting an adoption home study by someone before you actually choose your adoption partner, then your adoption partner may have requirements that someone in particular for that, and they may require you to do it all over again. So, you don't want to avoid those costly mistakes. And if you need help in that endeavor, then head on over and check out the private adoption program where I walk you through each different method of matching and what all of the steps are for the adoption process based upon that method of matching. 

I trust that this has been incredibly helpful, my friend, for you to actually understand this step-by-step process of adoption overall and then some of the nuances that come along with each different method of matching. Remember, adoption does not have to be overwhelming. I'm here to help you with every single step and even sub-step along the way to reaching your goal. I'll see you soon, friend.

Hi, I Am Amanda

I am an adoption profile expert on a mission to teach you how to adopt and help you create and share your family's story more affordably!