Amanda: If you're trying to adopt a baby and your goal is to do that in less than a year, then you want to pay attention to today's conversation. Today, we're having a conversation with Mark and Sarah, who adopted their son in less than a year by self matching. So let's learn more about Mark and Sarah's journey.

Sarah and Mark, thank you so much for being willing to share your story and join us today.

Mark and Sarah: For sure.

Amanda: I would love to just start with a little bit more about you guys with our audience so that they can get to know you and start to get to know a little bit more about your adoption journey.

Sure.

Mark and Sarah: So I'm Sarah and this is Mark. And we live in Tennessee, south of Nashville area. So it is a great little place. And we've been on this adoption journey for almost five years, this fall will actually be five years that we have been on it. And it just ended about three weeks ago, when our little boy was born.

Struggling to Adopt

Amanda: That is awesome. I know, it was quite a long journey. But I know there towards the end, you started to do a few things that really kind of sped along your adoption and ended up in you resulting in less than a matching excuse me, and less than a year right at the end, once you've kind of made a shift in your strategy. Can you take us back to the beginning of your adoption journey?

And really where that started? And you know, the types of adoption you were considering and pursuing and, and really kind of put us into your shoes at that point in your journey?

Mark and Sarah: Yeah, sure. So a couple years ago, I've been a part of an adoption support group, and some of the ladies there would be like, "Hey, Sarah, let me look at your profile, let's take a look and see why you're not getting matched." And I was like, okay, they noticed our profile that our agency actually did. And we did not mess with our agency, our agency was not helpful in a way.

And so because of that, we were like looking into alternative ways. In some of those alternative ways was to look at getting our profile redone, re updated, cellphone friendly, you know, and social media friendly for people to be able to actually find us.

And that's when we came across you. And like, super grateful to be able to find you. Because you and your guidance from doing our website to recreate and our profile, the social postings that you had us go ahead and do that is how our birth family found us is from the social postings that we did, you know, we took control of our adoption journey and didn't rely strictly on the agency to go ahead and do it.

We were posting already, we already had a page and doing some of that, but I just was lost. I had no clue what to go ahead and say or how to continue to say it. And it just was confusing for both of us. And it was like, What am I supposed to go ahead and do? So you helping us to? No, this is what you needed to say this is how you need to go ahead and say it really helped for us to be seen when people Google this and Google the adoption.

Amanda: Well, thank you. I'm glad that that was helpful, for sure. But I think you hit on something that's really, really important.

And I'll try not to pull my soapbox out tonight, because we all know that my soapbox is big and it lasts a long time sometimes. But really putting yourself in the driver's seat of your adoption, right? You know, I'm often a person who looks back on life. And I say, you know, there's kind of two routes, you can either sit around and kind of feel sorry for yourself and wonder what when, when, when, or you can take action, and really try to do everything you can to push yourself forward.

And I see couples like yourself who were really like, Okay, we've been doing what we thought was right, but we're gonna keep trying the next thing, the next thing, and just pushing forward in the journey until you find ultimately, you know, really what led you to be matched.

So I'd love to hear a little bit more about how you ultimately matched and where you found your match.

How Mark and Sarah Matched

Mark and Sarah: Yeah, so we actually, it was our birth mom's stepmom who did a Google search. And she Googled adoption, and we popped up. And she liked us because of what we stood for, you know, from our religious aspect to our fun and creative side to us traveling and how goofy both of us are. And just the way that we are pretty much by personalities.

And some of that had to do with our social postings because of posting like crazy, you know, it pulls up in the algorithm of this world that we live in. And it just popped up, you know, our website pops up for her as well. And it just was a Google search, you know, and then from there, it just brought her to Facebook and for her to be able to see us that way. It's amazing.

Amanda: I'd love to know a little bit more about when she first reached out, what was that like for you guys? And then how did you together really kind of navigate that up until ultimately baby boy was born?

Mark and Sarah: It happened in April. During that time, we did receive a couple other messages from other people that I honestly thought were scams and had a couple here in their conversations with people, and they just never produced into anything.

But the stepmom reached out first through our page and sent a private message. And then the expectant mom at that time, the birth mom, she called me actually on our Google number on our phone number. And I was like, whoa, wow, somebody is actually calling, you know, versus just sending a message. And she sends a message as well. But then she also called, and it was like, Oh, my gosh, this is crazy. You know, I sent Mark a text message right away at work. And I was like, guess what just happened. I'm like, I don't think this is a scam. Like, this is a real voice that I'm talking to. And, and that was in April.

And so then we just continued to build the relationship from there, we scheduled a video chat, we did a FaceTime. And we just scheduled a video chat, or maybe it was a zoom, I think it was a zoom. And we scheduled a time to be able to talk to her and get to know her a little bit more. And then from there, it just was daily, weekly, you know, messaging back and forth. And just asking her questions and her asking us questions and wanting to get to know us more. And us wanting to get to know her more too.

Amanda: That it's amazing. That to me just totally gives me goosebumps. And brings me even right back to those moments in my own journey. It's amazing how that can transport you in a second.

Legal Considerations in Mark and Sarah’s Adoption

So talk to us a little bit more about the legal aspect of your VA since you were kind of self matching at this stage. But you also had an agency as well, how did you work through the logistics and make decisions on what was the next right step to continue to ensure that you stayed legally compliant as you were forming these relationships?

Mark and Sarah: Yeah, so we had to first find an attorney that was in our state. And so we knew a couple people, but we didn't really have one pinpointed down yet. And then we reached out to one and were able to ask her some questions. And she was able to help guide us and everything and the way that she handled it. Because a couple of weeks before that we sort of thought we had a birth mom ready. And she actually ended up being a scam. And so I already talked to the attorney about some of that information. And because that attorney was so nice, and kind of talking to me for about 15-20 minutes about scams or about different questions to be able to ask, I was like, wow, this person spent her time asking questions, why not go ahead and hire her.

And so we ended up hiring her. And she helped us to be able to talk to the expected moment that time, and to get the medical proof of information and just be able to walk through the different steps of what needed to get done. And some of it was proof of it. So we needed to get that information from her doctor, and then medical information as well. And then also for them to be able to find the birth dad and get his information to and work that way. And then from there, because this was happening out of state, our birth family is out of state, we had to go through another attorney.

So then she had to go through her network of people to be able to get the other attorney in the other state. And that also all worked out too. And so that was great for us to be able to know that information of what that looked like. And the state that we went with ended up being very different than what we thought it was going to end up being. It was sort of in both people favorite, you know, in a way, cost wise, it wasn't as expensive is going through an agency. And so we were truly blessed by that.

Amanda: Yeah, that is awesome. And really the difference is you were putting in the work, right? You were finding all of the appropriate resources that you needed to surround you surround the adoption to protect it and keep it legal, and to surround your child's birth parents in order to give them the support services they needed.

And that ultimately comes down to you know, those are types, the types of functions that agencies typically provide, right? And as well as going out and really sharing your profile, although not agency, not all agencies do that, as we know.

As a matter of fact, I've recently come across this idea of like, I'm not anti agency, I'm anti bad agency, like there's a difference right? And so if you don't know that when you're initially signing up, that's not something that unfortunately you can parse through you know, in most times, but that is amazing. So I love that you were able to really kind of work the process and follow it along and you had a great attorney that helped connect you with expectant parents.

So the next stage really kind of what she started that initial legal paperwork is then traveling for birth, can you share a little bit more about what that experience was like and your journey?

Mark and Sarah: That was quite interesting, because we weren't sure when she was going to give birth. She wanted to go ahead and go naturally. And she has two previous other kids. And her other two pregnancies ended up going early. And so we weren't sure.

So we were sort of like ready to leave towards the end off, like at any time. And then all of a sudden, her doctor was like, well, let's go ahead and do for you. And so they scheduled the inductions time, and we're like, Okay, so now we have a date to be in town, you know, and so then we decided to go ahead and be in town pretty much the weekend before just in case she ended up going early.

And the day before is when we actually met her in person, you know, and met a family member that came with her as well. And we got to sit down and talk to them, and get to know them a little bit more, they get to sit down and talk to us and get to see us in person to versus just through phone and texting, you know. And so it's one thing to be able to see somebody in person, and then go from there, you know.

And then from that point, we had to figure out and navigate the hospital aspect of it, and who's the social worker is going to be at the hospital, and I'm grateful, I called beforehand to be able to get some of that information. And that's because our attorneys called and said, Hey, this is a social worker that you're going to be working with at the hospital. So feel free to give them a call, if you have any questions.

So definitely vacating for yourself in getting those questions and getting those answers is really important, you know, and our birth mom was awesome to be able to work with to because she was like, I'm up for whatever you want to be in the delivery room, that's great. You know, if you want to share a room with us, because you can't get your own, that's fine, too. I mean, she was awesome to be able to work with, in regards to all of that, like, she's like, it's up to you. He's yours. Like, that's your baby. And so it just, it just was awesome.

It was a very cool experience.

Amanda: Yeah, that's great. And it's great to hear that she was so you know, kind of assured in her decision. And she knew that was the right decision, and that you guys had formed that relationship. And really, that's kudos to you guys to take the time to forming the relationship with her and not just see her as a vessel or a means to the end of your goal, right, which is becoming parents. Because that there is a real difference in the relationship and how you treat your child's birth family that can result in either a lifelong connection or, you know, or not, quite honestly. So it's really awesome.

In the Hospital During Your Adoption

So what was it like at the hospital? What was it like when you were, you know, kind of going through the moments? What were you feeling? What were kind of the anxious areas for you as you were going through? You know, those moments?

Mark and Sarah: It was good. I mean, there was definitely some interesting aspects of it, you know, he needed to be put under a blue machine. And so our blue light, and so we call them our little superhero, because he had a superhero mask on his eyes.

It just was super cute to see, but also felt bad because it was like, here he is, and he's like, four hours old, and you just want to hold them, you know? And we continue to say like, is this true? Is this really true? Like, we really picking up a baby? Like, is he ours? Like it just, it just didn't feel real? Because it has been such a long journey, that it's like, is this really real? And I still question that? I mean, he's sleeping inside. And I still question like, he's really here in our house. Like, it's just crazy.

But the hospital aspects was awesome. I mean, they were, they were really great within everything, we ended up having our own room. And we were able to stay there with him. While of course, he had treatment, you know, for a couple days. And they just were really great with allowing us to be there. And not really disturbing, but be like, Hey, we're here, we're checking on him, you know, they still were doing all the things that they needed to do. And, and do that.

And then of course, our birth mom, she was able to come in and be able to spend time with us as well and spend time with him, but also have space to because we know that's going to be hard on her. You know, yes, she's a part of his life and a part of our life forever now, but she's also going to her own things too. And so she needs her space and her time to be able to heal through that as well.

Amanda: Yeah, yeah, that that is really important. And it does and that journey of healing will look different for her right at different stages as she goes through the journey. I often talk with, you know, birth families afterwards and I've kind of noticed this trend that you know, right after there can be this opportunity or this time are there really excited, right?

And you either typically see two camps, either they're super excited, they're really resolved in their decision. And this was the right decision, where they start to have, you know, that doubts and fears and all of that. And that's really normal.

But then I start to see around like those milestone ages like walking and kindergarten, right, those tend to be the moments where it can be a little bit harder. And so really sharing and communicating and keeping those open lines of communication is definitely important, for sure.

Coming Home with Your Child

So once he was able to leave the hospital, is that when your ICP started so that you could get home? And can you walk us a little bit through what that was like for you?

Mark and Sarah: Yeah. We didn't really know when all that started. But I mean, we found out once we got discharged, that's when it started. And it was like, Okay, I was thinking that it sort of started when we signed papers, or when in ended up being at the same time. So I was grateful that we were leaving at the same time that we were getting discharged. So it all worked out great in regards to that.

But yeah, so we weren't sure if we needed to stay there for another week, or total of the 10 days, or what ended up being we were at a hotel, we were at a hospital, we were at three Airbnbs. So it's like you don't know what you're going to be looking at. And you sort of have to just be flexible, you know, I mean, that's probably a big piece of advice that I would give people is just be flexible, because you really don't know what that's going to look like. And of course taking care of a newborn.

On top of all that, what is kind of situations as a whole other layer to it as well. And I know some people spent more time with their birth families we didn't, you know, when we were done at the hospital, we said our goodbyes, and then we, you know, started to hang out in the state that we were in, you know, and just enjoyed us being a family of three, and just enjoy that timeframe.

And then eventually we did get the text message, you know, from our attorneys and said, Hey, you can head home? And we're like, Yes, let's go. We did, you know, we were very grateful that we actually were able to leave, I think it was roughly about three or four days earlier than what we thought. And so we were super grateful that both states worked out really well with getting the stuff done that needed to get done sooner than later.

Amanda: That's awesome. That's awesome. You said something a minute ago that made me want to circle back to topics I didn't quite close out earlier. So from when you started sharing your profile to when you got the initial reach out on the opportunity to ultimately lead your son, what would you say was the approximate like kind of timeline of how that happened?

Mark and Sarah: From the time we had, so the time that we went in, saw you and you did our website, re-did our profile and gave me the social media stuff. I think that ended up ending at the end of November, or somewhere around November, December timeframe. And we ended up matching with our birth family in April. Okay. And then your son was born in July? Yep. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So super fast.

She originally was going to parent and then decided she's not. And so she had family members, her stepmom help her to be able to decide who to go ahead and pick, you know how to go ahead and find somebody and so she had helped to be able to find us.

Amanda: That sounds amazing. I'm so, so glad she has such a great support network around her because that will definitely help her as she transitions to the live post baby for sure.

Mark and Sarah: Yes.

Amanda: So now that you've been through the journey, and are literally watching the monitor as he sleeps inside, I'd love just to know, any advice, any suggestions that you have for other couples out there that you know might be sitting, you know, in the shoes that you were sitting and leave a call at the end of March? Right? Just hoping and waiting for that phone call or that connection to happen?

Mark and Sarah: Yeah, literally take control. You know, like you're the one who has more passionate about it than probably anybody else. You're the one who has that desire to go ahead and adopt, God gave you that desire to go ahead and go for it. Go for it then and take control of it.

That's needing to do more social media, have more people looking at your profile, have them give you honest opinions of you know, really, that doesn't look good or no, you really need to change this verbiage. You just never know what is going to grab somebody, you know, the family that picked us. They liked us because we're older. We're in our 40s we're not in our 20s anymore. And she liked that that we were a little older. And I was grateful for that. Because I was worried that we are getting up there in age even though we're not old. You know, but there's a lot of people in their 20s that are looking for kids. And that's great. It's just that Frost's, that are a little older, we're like, Wait, what happened here? You know.

So literally just take control, you know, get help hire Amanda, you know, to help you to see what needs to go ahead and get changed, you know, and go for it, like, invest it, do a fundraiser and go for it.

Amanda: Yeah. Yeah. I loved how you guys were just so driven through your journey, right? I oftentimes, so I like to get on social media and stalk my clients and see what they're doing. And, you know, and then occasionally, like any, there was an opportunity come about. So now I'd like to get those things right. And I would just see you being incredibly active, right.

And I can tell your heart was just in it to like, this is what I've been called to do. And I'm just gonna keep the taking one step at a time until we get there. And so I was just overjoyed when you said we've matched and he's born. And when he says to picture I cried, just getting teary now just I was like, Yay, it happened.

Mark and Sarah: Yeah, that's amazing.

Amanda: Well, thank you for being willing to share your story with us, thank you for being you know, who you are, and really kind of helping our community grow and learn together. And I think that's really important. And, and thanks again, for all the positivity that I see you threading even today, and encouragement, you know, especially over in the Facebook community to really encourage people that this is possible.

So I appreciate you both so much. And I'm so excited and overjoyed for you and your expanding family.

Mark and Sarah: Yes, thank you very much. We so appreciate it.

Amanda: Wow, wasn't that story just amazing to hear that they matched in five months after having waited with their agency for close to five years on this adoption journey.

That really tells you that when you put yourself in the driver's seat, and take consistent action to follow a proven path, that it is possible to achieve your dreams of adopting my friends.

I hope you took away some encouragement from today's episode, and if you did, I really do suggest that you check out this episode, because it will give you the step by step process that Sarah and mark followed in their journey.

Remember my friend, anything's possible and I'm here with you every step of the way.