Which Type Of Private Adoption Is Best For You?

If you are just starting your private adoption journey, you might struggle to know which adoption is right for you. You might even feel like we are all speaking a foreign language regarding the different types of adoption that exist. I know that when I started my adoption journey, I needed to take copious notes and spend hours on Google to understand what I was reading, and I just wanted someone to break it all down for me in easy-to-understand language.

So today, I am going to do just that. We will talk about the different types of adoption so we can ensure we are speaking the same language then I will walk you through a tool I use with my clients to help them pick the type of adoption that is right for them.

Understanding the Different Types of Private Adoption

First, we are going to start with the different types of private adoption so you can understand the terms you will hear me use. I am not including international or foster care adoption in this list as those are technically not forms of private adoption in the United States. 

1.Surrogacy: Surrogacy is recognized as adoption in many states, because that is the paperwork side, if you will, of what needs to be completed in order for you to raise this child that someone else has carried in their body. There are some states where surrogacy is not conservative adoption, but rather a legal agreement. I have a full list of those states inside of the private adoption program where I walk you through that. But that's definitely research you could also do on your own if you would like, but the gist of it is that some states recognize it as adoption, while other states recognize it as a legal agreement. There's different legal paperwork in it if you're interested in surrogacy. This is also important to know that there are surrogacy agencies out there, that specialize in just that they specialize in matching. Hopeful intended parents is what they're called, versus adoptive parents that match hopeful intended parents with gestational carriers or surrogates. So, that's always something I would recommend that you look up if that's something you're interested in.

2. Embryo Adoption: In this situation, these embryos are likely already formed. And they are typically frozen. You would ultimately be matching with the biological parents that have those embryos through an embryo adoption agency. Then once you match with the biological parents for those embryos, those embryos would actually be transferred to you. That transferring act is actually what begins the legal process, in most cases for adopting embryos, because you're actually adopting the embryos before you then have them implanted either in yourself if you're able to carry children or into a surrogate, and so those actually embryo and surrogacy can actually go together. You will need genetic material when you're working with a surrogate as well. But from an embryo adoption perspective, it's also important to know that there are some states where embryo adoption is actually surrogacy, for that matter is actually illegal. So, like the state of Oklahoma comes to mind, that is actually not something you can do in that state. Now you can reach agreements and other similar ways to work around it. I'm not an adoption attorney, you need to speak to one. But it is important to note that that is really kind of the legal side of embryo adoption, in addition to how it physically works, right, so you're going to match, and then you're going to have the embryos transferred into your possession, typically at your fertility clinic. Then ultimately, you'll have those embryos transferred into a suitable host or suitable womb to carry them. It's so hard to talk about these things in professional terms, right? Like okay, you're going to transfer it to the person that's going to carry it. Anyway, thanks for the grace and understanding that I'm human and working through all of these things, too.

3. Adoption Agency: This is probably the most traditional type of adoption. When it comes to agency adoptions there, this is, again, is the one that people most likely think about, they think, I'm gonna work with an agency, and an agency is going to match me with expectant parents. Then I will be given the opportunity to parent a child as a result of that. It is important to know that there are different types of agencies that you could potentially come across. You could come across national agencies, so those agencies that really work across all states to match you, then there are regional agencies that may work in maybe three or four states. Then there are local agencies, and each one of these types of different agencies is all going to have its requirements and restrictions. So, they may not work with certain types of couples. You may need to be married, or may need to have been married for a certain number of years, or have a religious affiliation. There are all kinds of different requirements from these different agencies. The other thing that is important to note with these agencies is that each of them has a different business model. And it is for them a business, even though for us, it is the way we form our family. For them, it's a business. So, some of them will actually do everything from the home study all the way through finalization, while other agencies are only going to pick and choose certain services to offer you. They’re going to require you to fulfill those other services yourself. So, let me give you an example. A big national agency that a lot of us probably know, would actually require you to work with them on a home study, and then they would work with you on your profile. Then they would share your profile with expectant families, then they're going to support expectant families throughout the process of helping ensure that they have medical care and that they have living expenses and all of those types of things. Then they're going to work with you to finalize the adoption with babies born, and kind of handle things all the way throughout the entire process. Other agencies are going to be more focused on just helping you match your adoption. Then there are going to be yet even other agencies that don't help you match, that just help you with all the support services that really surround you in the adoption process. So, it's important that you know the different types of agencies, where they focus on matching, and then what the process is like so that you can pick the right one for you.

4. Adoption Attorney: Now that may seem a little confusing, because you may think, well, you have to have an adoption attorney in order to make your adoption legal. That is totally true, you do. But there are some adoption attorneys that also actually provide matching services as well. And so, again, similar to the agency model, they all have a different kind of approach. When it comes to their business model. Some attorneys mimic a full-service agency model. While some attorneys have you find the match, and they will just finalize and make your adoption legal. Then others kind of have a middle ground approach where they will actually provide some support services for the expectant family but no support services for the hopeful adoptive family, and then ask you to find an expectant family to match with on your own. Now, it is important to note that most adoption attorneys out there are all only allowed to work in one state. Now the adoption law firm may work in multiple states because they may have an attorney that is actually licensed in another state. But you're typically not going to see that, that's not a very typical practice. Typically, though, your adoption attorney will have a network of other attorneys that they are willing to work with in other states. For our adoption, we had an opportunity to potentially in another state in our adoption attorney reached out to one of their colleagues in another state and gained an understanding of the laws and things of that nature to help guide us through the process when it came to one of our opportunities. So again, adoption attorneys can seem a little confusing on the surface, but it's because they can really play this like dual purpose role. So, if that's something you're considering, of course, those are questions you need to ask throughout the interview process. I cover all of that inside one of my programs where you are actually working through picking out your adoption partners. But that's a little bit further down in the process of what you need to do versus where you are now, which is really choosing the right method of matching for you.

5. Adoption Consultant: The next is an adoption consultant. Now, an adoption consultant is basically someone who helps you throughout the matching process, their job is to network you with more agencies and more attorneys. In order for you to have an opportunity to match your adoption, they are typically not going to be the person that gives you you know, any sort of home study recommendation, any sort of legal recommendations or anything like that, for your particular area. Instead, their job is just to get more eyeballs on your profile. How an adoption consultant actually works is that you pay them a flat fee to show your profile to other families. Some of them require that fee to be spent upfront as an investment before they start working on your behalf. While yet others actually don't require any sort of investment until they present you with an adoption opportunity. And so then they would present you the opportunity. And they would say, if you want to be submitted to this opportunity, now you need to pay my fee. What is important to note is that for 99.9% of adoption consultants fees are not guaranteed if the adoption doesn't move forward. So, if you choose to present yourself with an opportunity, and that opportunity doesn't move forward, then their fee is actually none. And so if you wanted to be presented with another opportunity, you would pay another fee. So again, those are really important questions when you're interviewing an adoption consultant, to really get to the heart of it so that you understand. Now there are some trade offs because once you actually work with that adoption consultant, you're not only paying them a fee, but then you're paying all of the other fees that you would have paid to that agency, as well. So just important things to note. 

6. Self-Matching: Okay, so our final type of adoption, self-matching, adoption, private adoption, independent adoption, adoption, divided option, it all really means the same thing, which means that you as the hopeful adoptive parent are finding an expectant parent to match with on your own. Now, I have like a gazillion videos and podcasts on this topic. So, if this is something you want to learn more about, definitely dive into those videos and podcasts to listen and learn more about that. But what's important for you to do when it comes to self-matching your adoption is you are going to go through understanding the legal process, and then you're going to get your home study done, then you're going to create a profile and you're going to share a profile. And then once you match with an expectant family, it's important that you have the right support services lined up for both yourself and for her in order to really kind of move throughout the next phase, if you will, of the adoption journey. 

 

If you want to know more about each one of these different options, you can check out this video, where I talk more in-depth about each of them.

Four Step Process To Finding Your Perfect Adoption Pathway

Now let's answer the question which type of adoption is right for me. I have a four-step process to help you find your perfect adoption pathway. I also have a free training resource to walk you through this a bit more in depth, so that you can really be equipped to pick which one is right for you. 

1.Understand all of your adoption options: I gave you a brief overview above, but it's not nearly in-depth enough. I do want you to make sure that you do additional research here because I would not want you to make a decision after only reading this brief overview of adoption options. You need to dive deeper and do a little bit deeper work there. 

2. Cast your vision: You need to understand what you want out of your adoption journey. What do you want the journey itself to be like, and then what do you want after the adoption journey. I call this casting your vision, because you can't get to the destination of where you want to be unless you understand where that is. So, you need to spend some quiet time asking yourself some key questions to really get clear on what you want your life to be like. So, that will help you pick which type of adoption is ultimately right for you.

3. Compare notes with your partner: You need to be incongruent with your partner, when you go throughout your adoption journey. If either one of you is kind of, you know, doubting if this is the right type of adoption that's right for you it's just going to make the process a lot more difficult. Now hear me say that it is totally common to have a driver of the adoption and more of a passenger of the adoption. And it's sometimes that can be frustrating, I know, firsthand, but you need to have those open and honest conversations. But know that there typically is one person who tends to take charge of the situation, and keeps pushing you forward into the next step. And that is totally normal, and don't feel alone. If you're in that situation you always have my Adoption Coach Facebook group to support you and as your private place to vent should you need that support. 

 

4. Make an informed decision: After you've done all of this research, it time to make a decision about your adoption. Determining which type of adoption is right for you is really answering that question, and making an informed decision. 

So, there you have it, that's the four-step process to determining which type of adoption is right for you. But I would really encourage you again to dig deeper here so that you make this really critical decision efficiently but in an informed manner. To help you do that, I've put together a free training video for you. It’s going to walk you through this process a bit more in-depth and give you access to resources that will really help you along the way because, remember, anything's possible, the right plan and support, and I'm here with you every step of the way. I'll see you soon, friend.

Hi, I Am Amanda

I am an adoption profile expert on a mission to teach you how to adopt and help you create and share your family's story more affordably!