How To Pass An Adoption Home Study
In this blog post, we're going to dive deep into the adoption home study. I feel like I should add a dunk dunk dunk to the end of that sentence because most of us freak out just to hearing the words adoption home study.
What is a home study?
A home study is an official process governed by the courts to ensure that you have a stable environment to raise a child in.
It consists of a series of meetings with a social worker, a mountain of paperwork, and background checks to ensure that a child in your care would be safe.
Why do you have to have a home study?
I know that this may seem super weird, right? Somebody has to approve for you to become a parent, like what the hell, right?
Let's be real for a second, you may be incredibly irritated that someone gets to pass judgment on you, while others don't have to have this type of approval.
Some people just get pregnant or even accidentally get pregnant. I get it, we felt the same way at first. I mean, who are the collective people who get to decide that we are fit or not fit to be parents?
But let's take a second to unpack those emotions, and recognize them for what they are… fear. At least that's what it was, in the case of myself and my husband. The fear of rejection oftentimes comes out as anger.
I'd like for you to take a moment is to really dig in, to understand the root of those emotions. That is really important for your healing overall in this process and that's exactly what happened to us in our process.
Our home study actually became something that was healing and growing for us, because our social worker helped us process through the grief that our infertility journey had left behind … whenever we decided to adopt, and then after our disruption.
She helped us process through these emotions so that we could open our hearts to another opportunity. If you're feeling angry about the idea of home study, I would urge you to take a minute to unpack the emotions and understand what the root of that really is.
If you need to seek professional help, there is nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, you really want to do that before you're sitting at the interview table with the social worker, so that way, you are in a much healthier place.
4 Parts of the Home Study Process
1. Paperwork
During the paperwork phase, you will be gathering information like birth certificates, marriage license, previous year's tax returns, and go through a series of background checks. The social worker you are working with will have an exact list of documents that you'll need to provide.
You'll want to follow that list exactly because missing just one document can slow down your process tremendously. From a background check perspective, it is important to talk about what all will occur there so that you can put away those nerves for good.
You will be asked to go be fingerprinted so that the social worker can ensure that you do not have any prior criminal history that would make you an unsuitable parent. These fingerprints will be checked at the state and federal level and in some cases can require you to be fingerprinted twice so that the paperwork can be shared with both the state and the federal agencies.
I went through this every time we had to go through the home study process or be renewed. I will fully admit I felt like I was gonna throw up every time I pulled into the parking lot of the jail to be fingerprinted. I don't know what it was.
It's not like I was hiding something or was afraid I was going to be caught for some crime. I felt like my entire life, it had been instilled in me to avoid going to jail to avoid getting fingerprinted. And here I was voluntarily choosing this. Just be prepared for that emotion.
I guess that is what I'm trying to tell you here whatever you’re feeling is okay. None of the other parts of the adoption process really got to me like part that one did.
You'll be asked to complete background checks for child abuse allegations or convictions. This is typically just a form that you'll have to complete that everyone living in your home over the age of 18.
You’ll likely be requested to complete some medical screening paperwork as well. Typically, this just involves getting a note from your doctor saying you have a reasonable life expectancy, and if you have any diagnosed conditions that they're being actively managed and would not impact your life expectancy.
When we talk about medical diagnosis, the subject of mental health often arises to this can become a really super touchy subject. If you're really worried about this, you should discuss this with your attorney, agency, or consultant early on in the process.
I don't believe that there's a list of diagnoses that make you ineligible for adoption. It's important that you take the same mentality as the medical diagnosis we talked about before. They're going to want to know you have your condition managed and that it does not impact your life expectancy.
If your doctor or therapist would say that you're mentally capable of caring for your child and that you're actively managing any diagnose conditions, then is worth moving forward with the paperwork face, or having a conversation with your attorney, consultant, or agency if you feel uncomfortable or unsure about this.
2. References
The second step is to get references. This step will vary slightly by state, just in the form that you actually have to complete. The number of references that typically you'll be asked to provide are about three to seven references that would agree that you would make a great parent.
In most cases, they will be requested to write a letter that outlines how they know you, their observed experiences with you and your children, and why they think you would make good parents.
Bonus tips for the reference stage:
1. Use a mix of different types of references.
Strategically choose a combination of friends and family with and without children.
2. Ask for more references than you actually need.
Ask for more references than you need so you don't have to put pressure on anyone and just in case they don't get it back to you in time or don’t want to do it.
3. Move the deadline up by 1 week.
Ask for the references about a week earlier than you need it. That way you can extend grace to them if they missed the deadline without putting yourself in a bind.
4. Maximize your references.
Think about this reference beyond just this particular request. While the request for the home study is important, I would also urge you to think about how you could use these references when you're trying to match with an expectant mother as well.
Could you use it in your video or social media post?
If you choose people with children, would they let you kind of borrow their children to be in your profile to help tell stories that support your adoption?
5. Use the Home Study Checklist
Use this home study checklist to make sure you fly through the home study with flying colors.
3. Social Worker Interviews
The third step is the social worker interviews. While the entire home study process can be a bit nerve-racking, this step and the next are likely the two elements that cause the most nerves. Someone interviewing you to say that you're approved to be a parent can feel pretty weird.
If this particularly gets under your skin, I highly recommend that you unpack those emotions to get to the root of it. You want to do this before the social worker shows up for the interview because you want to put your best foot forward, but do it in a very authentic and honest way.
In the interview itself, the social worker will typically want to talk to you and your partner together and individually.
They will be asking you questions and in a couple of particular areas like
1. If you had an infertility journey
2. If you sought professional help to overcome the mental anguish that came from infertility
3. If you're done with trying to get pregnant through fertility methods
Most adoption agencies and most social workers will not support you pursuing multiple avenues of adoption at the same time. So it's really important that you understand the rules and clearly communicate how you're following those rules.
4. They will ask you about the adoption itself.
They're going to ask you why you want to adopt, why you feel equipped to parent an adopted child, and what you plan to tell this child about their adoption story and their first families.
5. Finally, they're going to ask you about your child care plans after adoption.
What is your plan to care for this child, once they're home? They want to see that you have a sustainable plan that will enable the child to stay safe, grow and flourish as they get older.
My biggest tip for this part of your journey is to think ahead about how you would answer these questions and discuss them with your partner to ensure that you're on the same page. I cannot stress enough that you want to show up prepared, calm, cool, collected, and on the same page, in those social worker interviews.
Even though you may be so nervous (like your legs could just run out from underneath you) it is important that you are as calm as possible. It's okay to tell them that you're nervous, this is weird and different, and that you just don't really know what to say. The most important thing you can do is be yourself and be calm.
4. Home Inspection
The last step in the home study step is the actual home inspection. This step might send you into a slight panic, and that’s totally normal.
You want to make you clean your house thoroughly before the home inspection. I would divide the prep into two parts cleaning and safety.
Cleaning Preparation for the Home Study
When it comes to cleaning, I would prepare like my favorite judgmental relative or friend is coming to visit. You know the one that always makes you feel slightly uncomfortable like they're judging you or your cleanliness standards the entire time they're there.
I'm being a little bit funny here, but you totally know what I mean. I was envisioning this person literally sitting on my couch and seeing a tumbleweed of dust bunnies roll through my house.
They're not going to go through and inspect your shelves with a white glove, but they want to make sure that the child is going to be healthy, and not get strangled by that dust buddy rolling across the floor as they begin to crawl.
In all seriousness, I took this as an opportunity to revamp the house just a little bit. It was a great excuse to remove clutter, to buy new drapes and rugs, and even get my husband to part with a few things that I just couldn't stand. Please don't tell him.
There were a few things that were just laying about that should be put away before the home study happens. The real point of this is to make sure your home feels presentable, but you don't want to spend a million dollars changing out things. I would focus on what's going to make you feel proud and confident to have someone coming to your home. That's what's most important.
You want to know that they're going to feel comfortable and you'll feel comfortable and proud of your home. That will ease your nerves a bit more.
If all else fails while you’re in the interview and you get nervous, just think about that dust bunny tumbleweed going across the floor. Maybe it'll make you laugh for just a second.
Safety Preparation for the Home Study
The social worker is going to be looking for anything that could harm a child like:
stairs that don't have a gate on them
outlets that need plug covers
cords that are dangling off of a counter where a child could pull something heavy off onto themselves
smoke detectors and carbon monoxide detectors with fresh batteries
locks on the doors are not easily accessible to small children
fire extinguishers
any place there could be a fire
covers over pools and hot tubs that a small child couldn’t move on their own
if you have any firearms in the house - It is important that you know that ammunition and firearms must be kept in different locked locations at all times. Your firearms cannot be loaded in their locked location.
Your home study worker is going to want to see both. If you are someone who has firearms in-home, and your social worker is not someone that is comfortable around firearms, make sure to be super respectful of that feeling that they're having.
Of course, you want to follow all the typical gun safety protocol as it relates to keeping the barrel away from someone and all of those types of things.
You want to be open and honest about this in your home study because you want them to feel really comfortable whenever they're going through and checking things out. I would highly recommend that you ask the home study agency for a checklist of what they're going to be looking for whenever they do come for your home inspection.
Don't be surprised if the home inspection and the interview happen at the same time. Home studies are taking a bit longer to complete these days due to Covid.
Depending upon the state that you live in, you cannot become a live family or actively advertise your family if you're self matching until the home study is complete.
I would recommend that you ask your home study agency or provider what their average wait time is so that you can determine how much time you need to clean the clutter.
Do those special little projects around the house that you want to before your schedule so if you call and they say that they're three months out well then you know what to do over the next three months. Then you've got three months to accomplish what you want to accomplish.
I know most of us in the adoption process are like super mega planners. I would just recommend that you pass that waiting time by working on your list.
In our case, I intentionally scheduled the home inspection for about a month after I made the initial contact. That way I could go room by room, make the updates, declutter, and clean like I wanted to.
When I was going through this specifically I divided my home into three zones. I wanted to have everything done the week before the home study, so I focused each week on those particular zones. I would work on my checklist on the weekends and at night after work.
I would declutter the room, make a list of what upgrades or updates I wanted to do. I would then do one big online order for Amazon or Walmart.com. I would order it so that everything was at my house by the end of the week so I could put everything up and change everything out.
I would just do that by zone. On that last week, I went through and had a specific cleaning schedule that I focused on. I assigned specific tasks to each day. I would go through and do each of the three zones.
I deep cleaned the week before they were going to come so that it was clean and fresh when they came to do the home study.
I hope that helps you. I know each person makes their own process, but I thought sharing a little bit more about exactly what we did in our case might help you as well.
I know that there are a lot of actions that you need to take and it may be hard to remember them all, but just follow the steps in this post and you’ll get there.
Adoption can be so overwhelming and scary, but it does not have to be that way. Please jump into My Adoption Coach Facebook Group so that we can support you in your journey. Remember, anything is possible with a plan and support. You can do this and I've totally got your back.
Hi, I Am Amanda
I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey
