How To Prepare To Adopt a Baby
For years I have been helping women through the adoption process by giving them the steps to accomplish their goal and I realized that there is a whole heap of things that you really need to prepare yourself for as you go through this journey. So I created the Ultimate Guide To Prepare for Adoption Checklist to help you think through all of those small details that will come up throughout the process.
This really builds off the three step process for adopting a child that I shared on another post, just a quick reminder on those steps:
Define Your Journey
Tell Your Story
Become a Mother
The Adoption Preparation Checklist is meant to pickup under the Become a Mother step, to help you prepare for the last leg of your adoption journey. During this step you are in the waiting phase and sometimes the wait can be the hardest part of the journey so you might as well spend that time reading, researching, and getting ready for the life changes that are headed your way.
The Adoption Preparation Checklist:
Craft the life you envisioned
Research how to best care for the child you are adopting
Research childcare options (daycare, school, etc if needed)
Research how to tell the birth story
Do things that you won’t be able to do as frequently once you have adopted
Start a Pinterest board with how you will decorate this child’s room
Brainstorm names
Pack a small “go bag”
Start a registry
Craft the Life You Envisioned
One of the more critical steps in the adoption process is about casting a vision of what your life will be like at the end of this journey. If you didn’t read the post about the 3 steps to adopt a baby check it out here. Not only will it help you have a clear vision of where you are headed at the end of your adoption journey but it will help you stay strong in your overall journey.
Now it is time to bring those steps into action, to really start living the life you envisioned for yourself now so that when you welcome a child into your family it really helps you complete your vision. So if your vision was that you take really great vacations, workout every day, drink all the water, eat dinner as a family every night around an actual dinner table, whatever it was start doing it today. While I never suggest you change everything all at once I do know that if you start taking steps in the right direction of the life you want to live that things will just become that much easier.
I truly believe that anything in life is possible with the right plan, just break down your goal into steps and work on the steps one at a time. And if you need help with the vision exercise download my pdf by signing up for my email list or if you need help with how to achieve your goal schedule a free call, just click on Book a Call and I will help you figure out the steps to achieve your goal.
Research How to Care For Your Adopted Child
There are loads and loads of books and resources that will help you depending on your particular needs. The key is to look for things that will help you prepare for the different adoption situations that you identified you were open to during the Defining Your Journey stage. If you identified that you were open to adopting a child from another nationality, race, older child, child with special needs, etc then do you research. Find the experts in that field and read, watch all about it so that you feel prepared to handle whatever special situations might arise.
Other general topics that I suggest you research before adopting a child are: how to attach and bond with your adopted child, language you want to use around your adoption, preparing your extended family with how you will talk about your adoption journey, how will you honor and tell your child’s birth story, how to interact with birth families.
The one caution about this research is not to assume that everyone’s experience on that particular topic will be your experience. This exercise is about being informed, not to become fixated on the What Ifs that could occur. There is great power in being informed and manifesting the vision you have created together in combination. Stick true to the vision you have created in an informed way is the goal of this step in the preparation checklist.
Research Childcare Options
How did you envision caring this child day to day? Did it involve childcare while you are at work, you caring for the child at home? Either way this is the time to start researching options and depending on what option you are going with it is time to get on the waitlist.
I know that even thinking about childcare can seem crazy at this stage of the game but you do not know how quickly the adoption process will go so it is better to be prepared than overwhelmed at the time of placement. If you are going the daycare route I would suggest you tour a few, be open and honest that you are adopting and ask how they handle those types of situations. During our journey I toured several, picked my top 3 and talked with them about how we could go on the waitlist at multiple given we wouldn’t have a typical window of notice of when we would need options. They all agreed to make our deposit refundable if they didn’t have any opening when we needed care.
How To Tell Their Birth Story
How you intend to tell your child’s birth story is something that is better planned out in advance than just a spur of the moment thing, in my opinion but I am also a big planner as I am sure you have figured out by now. It is important that your child be familiar with this story long before you are sharing it openly with “strangers.”
In our family we have talked about adoption with our children from day 1 using age appropriate language for the conversation, so if our child was talking about someone else’s mom being pregnant we would talk about how they grew in my heart and grew in their birth mother’s tummy. Making it relevant to the situation, age appropriate, and not making a big deal about it has been the route we have taken thus far.
Decide how you plan to tell this child’s story to others
Deciding what you will share with others becomes increasingly more important the older they get. Now there could be some controversial things here but we openly discuss adoption in our house, it is not a secret that they are adopted from them or anyone else. However, though we don’t make it a big deal in general. So, when it comes to telling others I just weigh how vital it is for the situation.
If you are meeting with doctors, dentists, or other medical professionals then it is important to tell them obviously. Random strangers that tell them that they have their mother’s eyes or whatever I don’t correct them. Maybe when the children are older they will feel the need to say something but I don’t feel the need to share our life with random strangers to that degree.
Do things that you won’t be able to do as frequently once you have adopted
This tip really goes for having a child in general, not just an adopted child. Live your life is the best way to put this, don’t sit around waiting for the phone to ring that you have been chosen. If you love to travel, workout, go to dinner with friends, host people in your home DO IT! The time will pass by much more quickly if you are living your everyday life than just waiting for the phone to ring.
Start a Pinterest board with how you will decorate this child’s room
I know the itch to create a nursery for this child can be pretty strong but I highly advise against it. Instead I would recommend making a Pinterest board, which you can keep a secret if you would like, to help scratch that itch. In fact I remember making a couple of boards secret, one for the nursery, one for things I wanted to do with them, one for baby’s first Christmas, one for baby’s first Birthday. This exercise really helped me stay strong in the wait because when I was feeling blue or anxious I would instead envision a particular day with my child and create a board around it. Channeling my fear in this way really helped me calm down.
Brainstorm names
Another fun activity during the wait time is to brainstorm names, this is also something that each birth mother we spoke with asked us about as well. I think some of the potential matches didn’t happen because the birth mother didn’t love the name we shared. Names were also a great way to start painting a picture of this child’s life and role in our family. Having a few that you can pick from when you meet your child will make things so much easier come hospital time.
Pack a small “go bag”
Having a bag that is ready to go if you get a last minute call can seem silly but in the moment it really does help. Think of those essentials you have extra of at home that you can keep in a bag for when you get the call to travel to meet your child. My go bag had toiletries for my husband and myself, phone charger, a couple of gender neutral outfits (in a couple of different sizes), a couple of blankets, and a few bottles all that were already washed so they could immediately be used. Most hospitals will have disposable bottles and formula that they will give you to get through a day or two so not having formula when you show up to the hospital typically isn’t a big deal.
Obviously you will need much more to care for the child and even a car seat to leave the hospital with but I found that one last trip to the store on the way to the hospital was always in the cards so picking up those things then helped me not see them in my house everyday and get anxious. Packing the go bag satisfied my inner planners need for control of the situation but allowed my heart not to be broken every time I saw something in my home.
Start a registry
It is ok to dream and start a registry but keep it a secret, most places will allow you to do this when you create it and a few will even allow you to not enter a due date or indicate that it is an adoption. Speaking from experience do not have showers or even make your registry public until the adoption is final. If you experience a disruption, as we did, you have that awkward moment of do you return the gifts or if you don’t how do you even begin to write that thank you card.
Waiting to get the call can be so hard but having small activities to help you along the way can really help the time pass by more quickly. Doing things to help you prepare but without going overboard is a really fine line but just ask yourself with each step how you will feel as you think, see, or even discuss these things while you are waiting. If you think it will hurt you more than help you then don’t do it, just skip it and find something else that will fill you up with energy, love and excitement.
If you need a friend to talk to while you wait email me, amanda@myadoptioncoach.com! Remember you can do this and I have got your back!
Hi, I Am Amanda
I help women build their families through adoption by giving them the step by step guide to adopt a child and support them on their journey
