Private Adoption Story: Single Adoptive Mother

Private Adoption Story: Adopting As A Single Parent

Are you hoping to adopt a child through private adoption in the United States and just want to learn from someone who's gone before you and hear everything they went through, learn from that and be able to apply it to your own adoption journey? In this blog, we are having a conversation with Kathy. Kathy is a single mother who was adopted from the state of Virginia and is sharing her story with us. We're going to touch on everything from her home study all the way through to bringing her son home through private domestic adoption.

Today you are in for a real treat. My friend, Kathy, doesn't hold anything back in this interview. She shares her entire journey from the moment of deciding that she would adopt to figuring out how to adopt all the way to bringing her son home with her to Virginia. 

Kathy: Thank you for having me. I'm excited to share my story. 

Amanda: So, as I've shared in the beginning, I'm super excited to welcome Kathy because I love sharing adoption stories. I love sharing success stories with our community to be that ray of hope. I know we've got a lot of single parents in our audience as well, so even more of a double bonus, you get a double success story today. So Kathy, please share a little more about your journey with us. 

Kathy’s Adoption Journey

Kathy: As you mentioned, I am a single woman. So you know, when you're single, and you want to be a mom or dad, you have limited options. My story starts with exploring options of how to become a mother on my own. As I went through the options, you know, surrogacy and fertility and all the things, adoption was the one that I landed on that I just felt resonated with me. Something in my heart knew that was the path I was meant to take if I was meant to be a mom. I just started the journey, I spent the summer of 2020, researching and Googling all of the things. I'm a type-A kind of person which means that I like to have all the information before I dive into action. So I did all the research, and then that fall in September, I reached out to a local agency to do to start my home study. At the beginning of 2021, I was home-study approved and ready to dive into more than I could have imagined.

Amanda: You know, it's funny, when we all start out, I know that even in my own journey, I had no idea what all it entailed. And even today, you know, with a seven-year-old and a four-year-old at home, I'm still learning right there. My journey is not over. It's just changed. And it's a different season. So thank you for sharing. Yes, it's your start. That is the most common place, right? We all start on Google. And we all kind of Google until our fingers fall off. And in my case, I was so stinking confused. I was like, but this but that, but like, all the things. So it takes a lot of courage to get started no matter where you are right in your journey and didn't really take that next step. So talk to us a little bit about your home study approval. What was that process like for you? What was your experience in that step?

Kathy’s Home Study Process

Kathy: I actually had a great experience with the whole thing. So I worked with a local Catholic Charities, and my consultant from the get-go was just so easy to work with. She was so helpful. She was so encouraging and made the process as painless as possible. I say it that way, because there's really no way for a home study not to be somewhat painful. I agreed. 

Amanda: There is far too much paperwork and far too much, you know, just digging deep. I think the probability for me, the most challenging part was just writing that biography. Yeah, you know, and just kind of digging deep into who I am and why am I doing this. And where have I come from? And where do I want to go? And just kind of really sharing that story with her and being just very honest with her? Because I didn't want there to be any surprises later on. 

Kathy: Yeah. You know, I don't know everybody's journeys and stories. But I knew that I had a past struggle with depression, and I wasn't sure how that would impact my eligibility. So I was very, very transparent with her and was very pleasantly surprised that it really did focus on who am I now, as well as how I am equipped to handle being a mom.

Amanda:  Yeah, it's so important to be you authentically. From the very start, right? I find that those of us just focused on putting our best face forward or Insta worthy, whatever you want to call it out there. One, I think that just leads to an extra layer of insecurity and trouble as you go through your process. Because then it can become hard to remember what you told to who, right? And so honesty is always the best policy, keep it simple. And that perspective, but to really show your vulnerability throughout the process, I think, is important because that makes you be real, right? And that's, we connect with real humans, not with these, you know, Instagram, like slicked repolished, whatever, people because it's just not us.

Kathy: Exactly. I think a lot of it is just being very authentic. I think it's important for a few reasons. One, because your consultant needs to see your consultant, you know, whoever you're working with, that's helping you match, they need to see who you really are, in order to help you match with the situations that are really conducive to who you are. But also, I think it's really, for me, it was a journey of self-discovery of who I wanted to be as a mother. Yeah. So I really felt like that was an important part of it, for me, is just kind of digging in and, you know, kind of exploring those feelings and, you know, asking myself the hard questions, you know, because there are gonna be hard parts of being an adoptive parent, of course, for sure, yeah.

Amanda: I think you really hit the nail on the head, there's like really defining who you are as a parent, I talk a little bit about, actually probably a lot about this, finding the vision of what you have for your life at the end of this adoption journey and thinking about what does it look like. Are you in the backyard playing catch? Are you a stay-at-home parent? What are those elements that create your life, and making sure that your setup for that one in your life the way it is today, but then to that, you're clearly communicating that throughout your profile, because you're right, it's equally as important for your social worker, doing your home study for your agency for the birth mama, you're talking to all of those people to know who you are authentically. Because at the end of the day, we're all just a little bit strangers to each other, but we're going to become family. And that is the most important part is the end of the day, we're family. And this is the most beautiful type of family, in my opinion, because we're choosing to be family together. And we can't do that unless we know each other. So you got home study approval, so talk to us about what happened from there.

After Home Study Approval

Kathy: Towards the end of the home study process, I started working on a profile book, and I did my first profile book on my own. You know, basically, again, just Googling and figuring out what I am supposed to say? How am I supposed to say it, and put in the pictures? It ended up as a decent profile. Then I went live with the Catholic charities that I was working with. That's what they had on file for me, they sent it to a couple of sister locations throughout the state. They sent a couple of copies of my book to each office. I think there were three different offices. And you know, at first, I just waited. But I knew that my audience was quite small, being with just that one agency, because they didn't even cover my whole state. They only covered just part of my state. So I quickly started looking into some of the other options for matching, and I kind of stumbled upon the concept of self-matching. And so really kind of dug into that and I think I learned the most from you know, just joining some Facebook groups. I think that's probably how I ended up finding you it was probably through a post that you'd commented on in one of those groups or somebody mentioned you, or I can't even remember now, I feel like you've been part of the journey for such a long time. But it really, you know, digging in again, just once I was home study approved to how to match just kind of opened my eyes to all of the options and avenues. So, yeah, that was definitely, again, like you were talking about before, there was a lot more to learn. 

Amanda: I think one of the things that you did so uniquely, that even opened my eyes, in this journey, was just, you took a step back and said, All right, I really have got to put myself in the driver's seat of this journey. And it's up to me to ensure I'm getting my profile in front of as many people as possible. And I always say that there is that perfect connection point out there for everybody. And it's about getting the right person to see your profile. And that can happen in a multitude of ways. Obviously, one that has to be driven by the state law of where you live. But that also needs to be in congruence with who you are and what you feel comfortable with. And so that can happen in freeways and paid ways and all kinds of, you know, kind of hybrid ways in between there, right? But I kudos to you for having the courage to say, All right, you know, it's not just a writer, I check this agency and wait, but if I want to achieve my dreams, I actually need to take action steps to keep moving forward. That's you exactly. 

Kathy: I knew that if I wanted to just like you said, stroke the check and get on the list and wait, I could do that. But I wouldn't know how long I was waiting. And I was not that patient, I had to, for myself, I had to be doing something being active in the process as much as I could. I couldn't go out and like find the baby myself. Like it wasn't, you know, so I really just felt like I had to do whatever I could do to, as you said, be in the driver's seat and to be now just put everything I could into it.

Amanda: So, how did you do that? Do you have any tips on how you did it? And what did you learn along the way there?

Kathy’s Tips for Being in the Driver’s Seat of Your Adoption

Kathy: I think, first and foremost, ensure you're talking to the right people and know the rules and laws. The last thing you want to do is realize that each state does have its own rules and laws. So you do need to be aware of that. And just ask people questions. I think that for me, personally, what I needed was to know what my options were. And what I learned was there was the option of self-matching. There's the option of reaching out to agencies independently, and trying to get in with those agencies. And then there's the option of going with a consultant. And I explored all of those options. You know, every option came with a price tag. And every option came with a level of effort that was going to be required. The one that appealed to me the most initially was a consultant because I felt like I would have to do less work, but I wasn't ready to invest in it. 

I pursued self-matching because I felt like that was where I was comfortable spending my time and my money. That's when I started exploring my options for that. I became very interested in the idea of how to self-match. Well, you use Facebook, social media, and a website, and you have these different things. And I was like, Okay, well, how do I create these things? And as I kept asking these questions, I kept realizing how ill-equipped I was to answer those questions. That's not my area of expertise. And I'm very good at what I do, but that's not it at all. And so, coming across you and learning what you do. You know, you do advertising, you do adoption, because you know, you are an adoptive mom. And it seemed like a good fit for me because you had the skill set that I was looking for. And the program at the right price at the right time to help me do the things I wanted. So I did the profile masterclass, and I learned a ton. I enjoyed doing that second profile book, and just brushing everything up. And so, I did the profile book and the website; it was just a great experience. It was a learning experience where I had to put that effort into who do I want to show the world that I am. How do I want to put myself out there?

Amanda: I'm a firm believer that there are functional experts in all areas of your life, whether it be adoption, whether it be the mailman, whether it be your dentist. You go to the right person for the right help. I firmly believe you get the type of assistance you need. Some of us are like, listen, I just need a little direction, and a template to get me started. Then, I can do it, which was your case. That was perfect, because as you shared, I work in advertising, I have a family, and my goal is to help everybody through their adoption journey to the degree that in which they need help. Because some people are just pointing in the wrong direction you can go, other people are like, I'm nervous, do it for me, right? Either way, you know, I'm here to help. The point of the matter is that there is a replicable model that you follow that helps you achieve your goal. The ultimate piece that can never be replaced is you and your voice in your story. Only you know that, and only you can really bring that forward in a way that creates that emotional connection with an expectant parent. It doesn't matter if you're self-matching, or working with an agency or consultant or whatever. If you don't have that ingredient in your profile, it will take you longer to match.  So kudos to you for realizing, you know, hey, it's got to be me and my story, that I've got to share. Talk to us a little more about those partners and ways you deployed to share your profile. Was it you self matching, you know, and sharing it? How were you sharing it? And then what were you doing with, you know, your agency partner and things of that nature as

well?

Kathy Sharing Her Adoption Profile

Kathy: Once I have the profile on the website, I used my own Facebook page, but I didn't get a lot of traction from that, I don't know, if it's just the network that I have, or, because of who I am probably reflecting my network, that it's just, I'm not a big social media user. So I only got a little traction for that from that other than people supporting being supportive of me. I did create a Facebook page specifically for adoption. That was successful in the sense that I did some advertising. I read about optimizing for campaigns after I figured out which states I could advertise in. I did some boosted some posts and just tried different things. I dug into Google ads, I don't think I ever did a google ad. But I learned about it. I did get some traction. People reached out to me. In the summer of 2021, a young lady reached out to me, and we talked for about a month about me adopting her son, who had already been born, then she ended up parenting. But you know, those opportunities were working. I was doing what I could and getting it out there. I was connecting with the people that were with the audience that I needed to connect with.

Amanda: That’s a great point. You were going out and exploring and being curious about it, and you knew your end goal and wondered how do I get there and just be relentlessly focused on pushing it forward. Not in an unhealthy way, just more of a curiosity and how can I share who I am with the right people. I have stories of people that do that all the time. You don't have to have the expert there on your shoulder, can you take a little bit if you're there and then be curious and try it and see what happens because, to your point, you just never know where that connection is gonna come from.

Kathy: Exactly. At the same time that I was doing that, I was also researching the opportunity of do I use a consultant? I was getting on email lists, researching the websites where you can post your profiles, and learning about advertisers helping you match. Knowing what your options are in picking and choosing how you want to try to reach people.

Amanda: How did you ultimately end up connecting?

How Kathy Connected with the Birth Mother

Kathy: I ended up connecting through an email. I was on an email list with a group of profiles that expectant parents can go and look at, but I wasn't one of their families. Because being a single woman wanting to adopt, and there are several of us out there. And not all groups that help people with adoption can take single women or even certain family dynamics at any given time. There are a lot of people that want to adopt right now. So they couldn't take on a single woman's profile, but in difficult-to-match situations, they would send out emails. And so I got an email, which wasn’t the first email I got. But I really connected with it and ended up sending my profiling. It was such a whirlwind.

Amanda: I relive that feeling every time one of you guys send me a message. I remember this feeling. Were you able to connect with your child's first family? And how long in advance of his birth?

Kathy: I live in Virginia, and the baby was due to be born in San Diego. So that was the first big thing to have to consider. So I responded to the post, and everything went very quickly. I talked to the lawyer, probably the day that I submitted it. The expectant mom/birth mom wanted to talk to me. So I talked to her and the birth father the next day on the phone. And, by the following day, they had chosen me. And then, after that, things got very stressful. It was just in the sense that I know that I was matched with the family I was very confident that they would go through with a match. Yeah, but I knew that it was not. Their life was not in the place that they had hoped they would be. I know they would have preferred if they could have made different choices along the way and been able to keep their son. Yeah. And so I know, it was hard for her. And I think that's probably mostly why I didn't hear from her much. So we didn't really talk much I would shoot text messages and just be like, Hey, I'm thinking about you. But we didn't build a relationship, I did get the opportunity to get a video of 3d ultrasound, which was awesome. I talked to the ultrasound tech after the ultrasound, and they were able to give me a ton of information just about, how they saw the baby moving in their experience and stuff like that because there was no audio in the video. And, so that was a special moment, I think, in the process of having been matched. So I matched with him in February, and so we were matched for a good while his he was due in June. And so, it was just waiting, and going weeks, maybe without hearing from birth mom, and it was stressful. You know, me who wants to be in control and know of all the things, and I didn't know anything? Yeah. I think that probably the biggest frustration for me was knowing that I was going on a trip across the country and that I could not play on the right moment. That was the hardest part for me throughout the match. But it was exciting. You know, it was exciting because I was telling people and I was excited about it, and people were giving me things, and I ended up with a full nursery before, not for long before he was born. So that was very lovely. Well,

before he joined your family, that's so definitely sides, her birth family and adoptive family. 

Amanda: That’s amazing. Yeah, and every story is different. Obviously, right now, those two stories are the same. But I would say that some common emotions do start to show up, especially from a hopeful adoptive parents side than the nervousness that is common. I experienced it as well as tons and tons of my clients. In that waiting phase of waiting for birth, is it going to happen? Is it not? In your heart, it's just kind of constantly in your throat a bit, right? Like, you know, is this a real opportunity, because you're so excited, and it's very common from an expected family side. From what I hear has not been an expectant parent myself, that, you know, you're still weighing your options. And so, some days, you're very excited about the opportunity to place your child for adoption, because you feel like a different opportunity has presented itself for this child's future. And then other days, you're not so excited about that, right? Because you, too are processing emotions. And to me, all of that is, it is, unfortunately, just a part of the process. I know that my social worker would also always counsel me as excited as you are, don't be concerned and be mindful that that excitement might not be shared on the other end of that line on the other end of that text message. And so, thank you for sharing that portion. Because I do think that I'll help someone else. That's, you know, potential in that waiting period, hear about that. So tell us a little bit more as you get closer to birth. How did you get the phone call to travel? Talk us a little bit through the logistics, because that step-by-step learning goes all the way through yesterday, right?

Logistics Leading Up to the Birth

Kathy: About a month before his due date, I started looking at flights every day, just knowing my flight options. I was a little obsessive about it. Checking the websites, the airline probably was hiking up the prices just because I checked so often. So you know, that's how I comforted myself, by doing as much research as I could. Th birth mom had told me what hospital she wanted to deliver at. And so I looked at the hospital, where's the hospital? Where are the hotels that are close by? What are my options for where to stay? What are my options for transportation and, just kind of thinking through all of the things that would need to be thought through, you know, what am I going to pack? What am I going to bring for the baby? What am I going to bring for myself? What am I gonna buy when I get there? I ended up having some great things. I got a collapsible bassonet that I was able to fit in my suitcase so that I could take it for him to sleep in when he got out of the hospital. So I just drove my friends and family crazy with the researching and the buying and with the making decisions and stuff like that. I experienced what no hopeful adoptive parent wants to experience, and that birth mom did change her mind. So my son was born on a Wednesday at the beginning of June, and I did not know that he had been born until the following Monday. In that time in between, the birth mom was excited that she had picked me up to be her son's adoptive mother, but she was not excited that she needed to pick an adoptive parent for her child. That was a very hard decision for her. So she did change her mind. And there were just a lot of things that kind of happened throughout those several days when I didn't know he had been born that we're just, you know, like, I called the hospital where he'd been born because, again, I was doing my obsessive research and I was like, Well, let me just call the hospital and see what to expect. He had been born, but mom hadn't disclosed that there was an adoption plan, but not who the adoptive parent were or a lawyer or anything like that. So it was just kind of these little things that just worked out that, helped her. I was excited and I already loved him. So she finally knew she couldn't keep him, and so things finally worked out that I found out he was born. The longest, hardest day of my life was when I flew to San Diego. I found out that he had been born on Monday. On Tuesday, I was able to get out of the get to the other side of the country. My first thought was, I just wanted to go to the hospital. At that point, he was in the NICU. But I had all these other things that I had to do. Namely, I went and met his birth mom and birth father, and spent some time with them, and I hadn’t had much contact with them since that time. I'm really glad that I had that time with them. I was so exhausted, and I was disconnected until I walked into his, his NICU room and saw him for the first time, and it was just a sigh of relief. It's so indescribable. I remember I felt a lot of nervousness, and I was scared out of my mind. She opened up to the conversations that she was nervous about. which allowed us to just both kind of melt into the conversation. So I'm very excited that I had the opportunity to meet with them and get to know them a little bit more in person. I was thinking about what am I going to be able to tell my son later on? I took notes, not because what she was telling me was earth-shattering, but because she was telling me things like he likes to play basketball, and he was going to study this in school, and just these different little tidbits that I'm like, this is the stuff that my son is probably going to be interested in knowing someday. Obviously, I want to know that medical history and stuff like that, but my son is gonna be like, who are these people? Where do I come from? The most natural question is, Where do I come from? And what can I know about them?

Amanda: So you got to meet your son for the first time, which I know it's just thrilling and amazing. And all the goosebump moments that we all imagine. Talk to us about the logistics of being in another state all the way across the country, caring for a newborn, and then ultimately getting home with your son. 

Logistics of Bringing Her son Home to Another State

Kathy: So you know, it was insane. I get to San Diego. I met him, and he had to be in the NICU for quite a while. So I ended up in San Diego for about a month. I think it was 33 days. So that was definitely something that I knew was possible. But not something I had been hoping for. Being away that long was hard for a lot of reasons. And then basically, any and everything that could go wrong did. Namely, I was out of state and my son was in the NICU. I was eligible to get into a random Mcdonald house. And you know, it's still COVID time and I forgot to go back up and get tested, and I am 99% sure it was a false positive, but it was positive nonetheless. So not only that, I'm not getting the Ronald McDonald House, but I was banned from the NICU. I could not see my son, and I had to be isolated from him for 10 days, and he had to go in isolation, and I went into full panic mode. That's when I got my mom on an airplane, flew her to San Diego, and said you need to be with him, and she was thrilled to do that. She was so excited. She still is so excited to be a grandma again. So this is her second grandson, but it was just one of those things that I'm like, really? Because I knew I wasn't sick. I took subsequent tests, and they all came back negative and, you know, but it didn't matter at that point. Then I got out of quarantine and sent mom back home. I still had about another week and a half in San Diego. The hardest and most amazing week was he got out of the NICU. Then it was just him and me in a hotel room. And it ended up being about a week before I could get there. ICPC figured out the flight home and stuff like that. That week, there was baby formula, but it is sticky and got everywhere.

It does. It's like the powder just goes everywhere, so I learned that real quick. Not sleeping was something that was fun to learn. And just that constant being there for him. You know, for that week, there was nobody else that could help me. I changed every single diaper. I fed him every single bottle, and I changed his clothes. Whatever he needed, I was the one that was there to fill those needs. I valued that time, because I think that one of my fears as an adoptive mom was that bonding. I didn't carry him in my womb for nine months. What does that do for bonding? How is that bonding going to be different? I think that time of him being in the NICU, and then especially that week of just him and I together, for both of us helped solidify that relationship. And I'm very grateful. It was hard, but I look back at that week with much gratitude. 

Amanda: It’s funny, as you go through the adoption journey, you learn so many lessons that you don't know, you're learning, right? As you go through it, but and I think you touched on a lot of them. First being the degree of preparedness, because still, you can still have a big curveball. Like a quarantine. You know, all of the things that can come in there, even if you're thinking through, like, how are we going to sleep and where and if I have to wait it out. And, you know, for a longer period, there’s always something. And what I always encourage all of us to do as much as we possibly can throughout the journey is self-care. So that we can build our resilience because you're gonna need that resilience all the way through the journey. And let me tell you, you still need that resilience, just in a different form. At this stage of the parenting journey, but I think you're right, is that you, for me, personally, I find the recharge in those moments of connection, right. And so while that week was hard, your cup was constantly being poured into because you're like, This is everything I've been working towards, and everything I wanted and, and here it is, and yeah, I'm tired. And I'm sleep-deprived, and my hair's probably standing on it with formula, and maybe a baby throw-up here or there, too. But that is the most joyous way of filling your cup back up. So thank you for sharing the realness of that with the readers. So you finally get the call from ICPC. And you've got to travel back across the US with a newborn. What is that like?

Kathy’s experience traveling with a newborn

Kathy: The original plan was that my mom would fly out towards the end of his NICU stay or once he was out in the NICU, and then she would fly back with me, so I didn't have to do it by myself. So obviously, things all got jumbled because of the quarantine. And so we didn't have the money to fly her back to San Diego. So I decided I was just going to do it on my own. And so again, in true me fashion, I'm like, I'm going to plan this perfectly. I'm going to schedule flights from San Diego. I was going to do it was going to be a three-hour flight, then a three of three-hour layover, then another three-hour flight, and so on. Like, that'd be perfect, you know, we'll get to stretch her legs, whatever. Well, with the flights, things started getting delayed, and my layover got shorter and shorter. And I'm like, I can't do a short layover with a newborn, I have to have at least time to change his diaper. And so, so I decided to change my plans and did an overnight flight from San Diego to New York. And then just as a quick flight from New York to Virginia. And so I spent all day in the San Diego airport with a newborn, which is not a bad airport, by the way, if you're gonna get stuck in an airport, it's relatively nice. Then I put him in one of those baby carriers just before I got on the plane. And he did not get out again until we got off the plane to New York. When he got hungry, I had the little bottles I had saved when I left the hospital with him. And if he got fussy and needed a bottle, I would feed him, and he would go back to sleep. I appreciated that he did so well on the flight because it was a long time to be stuck in one seat with a baby. So one of the things that I did is buy two seats to I wanted that extra space. I put the diaper bag on the chair next to me, and everything was easy to access and stuff like that. I was grateful that I had the opportunity to do that.

Amanda: Yeah, that is super nice that you touched on something that I always forget, it's just a little hidden gem of a tip is that when you leave the hospital as an adoptive parent, oftentimes the hospital will offer you formula. They do this for all parents, not just adoptive ones. But they offer you formula, and you can ask for more of those little replacement nipples on the bottle’s end. Because you will be in a situation like that where you're traveling home, and you will need something ready to drink, you know, ready to go right is easy and quick to also buy them out and about in stores. But that, too also saved us in a couple of different situations where we were in transit home, and that was super easy to able to take care of for baby as we were traveling. So it gets a great little tip that you shared there.

Kathy: Speaking of feeding, one of the other things I encountered was the fantastic NICU staff. And as he was getting closer to getting out of the hospital, they said, you might want to bring in the bottles you're planning to use and see how he takes them. And it was a disaster. He hated them. I'm like, What am I gonna do? Like, I am not home, I have different bottles at home, but I'm away, I don't want to buy a collection of bottles. You know, one in San Diego, and man, they were fantastic. I walked out of there with, I think maybe a dozen plastic bottles and two dozen nipples. They were just so fantastic. Just knowing that I needed to have those resources that could keep me until I got home. And to this day, he still uses super simple bottles. So you don't necessarily need an expensive complicated bottle. So I got home, and my mom was with me. I am so lucky, and just beyond blessed. She not only lives with me, but she's super excited to help with the baby. So we walked in the door, and I said hello to the dogs, and I think it was like late morning. We spent the day on the sofa talking and taking care of the baby, and mom goes, do you want me to take him tonight? You know, to sleep in my room? I was like, no, I'm probably gonna miss them. I have never slept so hard in my entire life.

Amanda: You came off the adrenaline high, is what I call it. Adoptive mom adrenaline high. If somebody offers to take your baby, say yes. Don't have that adoptive mom guilt of I didn't have them for nine months. It'll be okay. You have to take care of yourself to take care of others.

Kathy: That was the most amazing night's sleep. I had my entire life. And then it was just easy for me. I just hate to be like, it was easy to be a mom, but it just clicked with me. Yeah, I didn't have it didn't stress me out of the crying. And he’s a fantastic baby. He cries when he's hungry, and he cries when he's tired. He wasn't fussy. He wasn't gassy. He wasn't, you know, we didn't have a lot of issues with anything. So that helped. But you know, it was the settling-in period of having him was just such a great time for me. It did get harder when I had to go back to work. Just because I missed him, and I still struggle with that. My mom takes care of him daily, so I know he's in good hands. And so yeah, so it's just balancing having the fun with the responsibility.

Amanda: Which is parenthood. Thank you for sharing your full story, not that it stops there by any means. But I do think it has been really honest, and I appreciate that. You’ve also shared some things that are not so obvious when you're going through the preparation journey, or things that you just don't think about until you're in the moment. And that's one of the big things that I want to do in this community, is help people think through those moments in those decisions. So because Lord knows, we all get enough current curveballs thrown our way, you just never know what will be around the corner. So if you can hear from other people, at least you have some perspective and maybe some idea like spurs off of that experience of hearing someone else's story. So thank you for sharing your story. 

I'd love if there are any final thoughts, any final words that you'd like to share with somebody that's maybe out there waiting for words of encouragement, I'd love to give you the opportunity to do that.

Kathy: I think if you are in the stage of considering whether or not to adopt, really dig deep and learn what it means to be an adoptive parent because it's not the same as being a birth parent. You have to, you can't be in it for a selfish reason. You have to be in it wanting to support your child as an adopted child. And I haven't figured those things out yet. But you know, I want to encourage you guys to do that. If you're waiting and you're tired of waiting. See what else you can be doing to get yourself out there. Just look at your options and just expand your options. Be open to the options. And just keep waiting because it's well worth it. And if you're not sleeping at night, God bless you. I'm right there with you.

Amanda: Thank you so much, Kathy, for sharing your story and sharing your heart, and congratulations again on your little man. 

I hope you found a lot of value in my conversation with Kathy today. We went intentionally through every step of the process. So no matter where you are in your private adoption journey, you have the opportunity to learn from someone that's gone before you that is the goal of this channel is to help you all the way throughout your adoption journey with the information that you need. Whether or not that's through the Facebook group, email, or even some of the courses I offer. I'm here to help you every single step of the way. Because remember, anything's possible with the right plan support, and I've got your back every step of the way. I'll see you soon friends

Hi, I Am Amanda

I am an adoption profile expert on a mission to teach you how to adopt and help you create and share your family's story more affordably!